Be Excellent To Each Other

Jamie Raven, the magician chap, is on again tonight.

I wants him to win. Not least because he has played at several weddings I have been to (including APOD's) and is a genuinely lovely chap who didn't mind that I spent most of the evening following him around.

Is he the guy that did the animated card trick?

That was one of the best magic tricks I've ever seen.

Yeah. He did the fifty pound note trick and then the one with the cards with drawings on them.

He's on again tonight.

Yep, I've seen Jamie up close 4 times now.

First time - Frankie Dettoris restaurant opening. Took his card to do our wedding. Lost his card and forgot his name
Second - At our friends wedding. Took his card and booked him for...
Third - our wedding.

Then, at my Brother in Laws wedding in February, he had booked another table magician, then two weeks beforehand asked if the magician had a mate to help him cover the room as they'd got more guests than anticipated. The other guy put Jamie on the job with him - none of us knowing that it was him. Had a good chat with him at the bar beforehand and he told us that he'd got through to the Semis and knew that already. He did the trick that he did on the show at the bar and it was even more amazing up close. Apparently he's got a new trick that he's "never done in public before" for tonight - so if he cuts into a kiwi fruit he's a lying twat who I won't vote for.

Yeah fair play that was the best card trick I've seen yet.

Camp guy dancing to Beyoncé. I'd have never have guessed it...

Old Men Dancing were acebest.

Anyone remember The Grimleys? I fucking adored Amanda Holden in that.

And she didn't spend the whole series relying on tittape with a twig stuck to her breast.

That was a bit odd.

Didn't think Jamie looked as comfortable doing the 'big trick' type thing, but he's still lovely and won, so YAY!

Yeah he looked awfully nervous.

I thought the helicopter ruined it and he was lucky to get through (compared to his audition). A simple card manipulation trick with some bells and whistles - the closeups with the goldfish and ice were very good and what he does best (although he fluffed the shoe), the helicopter... just a bit of an unneccessary distraction.

Dude it's Simon Cowell. He probably had no choice.

Every one on these shows doesn't get to show who they truly are because once that bastard has the hooks in it's all completely manipulated. I've seen so many people go out of the X Factor because of shitty songs that they didn't choose that didn't suit their singing style at all.

The manipulation begins at the first bloody interview. From that moment on the chosen acts are given air time and completely groomed.

And yeah, I know all of this but I still watch the crap. Mostly because there are a few diamonds in there that he can't ruin.

Ha!

Dog. Yawn.

Jamie Woz Robbed!

I've only just started watching it. My initial thought is as follows:

"White boys can't crump"

Simon was right about Boyband. It wasn't their best performance and although it was different from their last performance it was entirely generic for Britain's Got Talent. I'm sure another dance crew has already done the elements before.

It was shit.

And the White boy tried to incorporate elements of crumping again. Seriously boys: don't bother.

Marry me.

I know Old Men Grooving don't win but, by God, they should have won.

Timing issues aside, as soon as "you got that vibe" came on they absolutely killed it. And what the hell is Amanda Holden on about it being 'camp'. She clearly has no comprehension of what that means.

I've seen that lemon trick done somewhere before. Someone somewhere on TV has already done that.

I'd have been more impressed if he didn't put his hand in the bag and take out the lemon, too.

DOG WALKED ON A TIGHT ROPE!!! FUCKING YES!

DOG HAS COMEDY TIMING!

AMAZEBALLS!

Best thing I've ever seen ever.

Is Michael Flatly drunk?

DOG WINNAH! I'm happy with that. It walked across a frickin tight-rope for goodness sake and was funnier than the comedian.

The impressionist was terrible.

The dog was okay, but it would be more interesting had a dog not already won recently with the same schtick.

I forgot about the last dog that WALKED A TIGHT-ROPE. It's new. Embrace it.

Wait, a fucking dog won... again?

Jesus cocknocking christ. What a world

I'd rather see an animal beat a human any day. At least animals are not usually vile and vindictive.

Hopefully the lady who owns the dog will spend her winnings on looking after dogs that us humans have fucked over and left for dead.

That's pretty niche, man.

Joey, you like movies about gladiators?

That's autism. I get to see the world for what it really is.

The last time I made any contact (outside of forums which I can just close and walk away from) with a human outside of my family/wife was a guy on Ebay who bought my Blackberry Q10.

Being the decent human being I am I sent his phone as he requested, by Special Delivery Saturday and it arrived with him the next day.

Two weeks later I went to log into Paypal and saw that my balance was -£125. When I then tried to purchase an item via Ebay and pay for it (the item was £4) I was charged £129 and the £125 was taken from my bank account. Apparently this vile, dishonest specimen of a human decided to report to Paypal that he had not authorised the payment and did not order the phone. It took me about two weeks and many hours of phoning Paypal to sort it out.

How do I know that he was lying? well I caught him out. The address on his Ebay was different to the one on Paypal so instead of contacting him through Ebay I contacted him through his actual email and forced him to reply there, giving me the actual real address he lived at.

That's the last time I ever, ever try selling anything to another human being. I would rather fucking throw things in the bin than have to mingle with that sort of scum.

A dog? about the only annoying thing dogs do is beg at the table, and that only happens when the human that owns them is too weak to train them to stay the fuck away.

When I had my cats they did nothing but shower me with affection and love, unquestionable love. Try getting that out of a human, it's very rare.

I dunno, my kids are pretty fond of me and I of them.

My moms cat however, I get the distinct impression that it couldn't give a toss if I live or die.

Give it time...

Family is the exception, as is the truly wonderful lady I share my life with who is a fellow Aspie.

But outside of that? It's dog eat dog (pardon the pun).

Thankfully I live within a few miles of most of my family so I really don't need to let any one else even remotely close.

It was... I was... never mind.

Dogs aren't "talented", they are "conditioned"

Indeed. And could well hate every minute of it for all we know.

No they aren't, they're trained. Just like I could be trained to be good at magic tricks.

But would you enjoy it?

Do I get hot wimin?

You get the one you saw

The one with the dog?

No, the one you saw

A dog walked the tight-rope, but not the one people voted for, it turns out.

PLOT TWIST

Predictably, the Internet is throwing a shit fit.

That is properly misleading... but it'd take a tremendous amount of chutzpah for Jamie to complain about the other act using sleight of paw hand!

I AM OUTRAGED.

Am I doing this, right?

Hang about, did she train the other dog or not?

Yeah, apparently.

Then I'm not outraged.

Try harder. You can't let logic get in the way of outrage!

I'm not outraged...CAUSE IM FUCKING LIVID.

(How's that?)

I really don't see why. It just shows that she has three clever little doggies instead of two. And the more clever doggies the better. Yes.