Be Excellent To Each Other

You should always take everything I say authoritatively.

What about the shit you write in here?

What about the way you can't even get on the motorway without crashing?

I take both of your comments on board, and stand by my statement.

STAAAND BY MY CAAAAAAAR.....

For some reason I can only place this in my head up against the song as AAAAAAAAAALLLLL BYYYYY MYYYYSEEEEEEEEEEELF

I undertake loads. And merge in with cones shutting that lane.

And, it was meant to be rail card not tailgate, earlier.

Oakwell Hall:

Hello, we are the caretakers of this lovely old building dating back to the 17th century with beautiful warped wood, old four poster beds, pewter goblets and period furniture and furnishings bedecking the dozen and a half rooms that make this carefully preserved manor which is blessed by the most delicate light that falls as if cast by the brush of Vermeer himself.

No photography please.

...

Also please excuse the IKEA lamps we have in the corner of every room and the security sensors, warning signs and radiators we've installed everywhere carefully destroying any sense of delightful timeslip you may otherwise have enjoyed, and further destroying any photo you may wish to take on the sly. Thank you.

People who ride horses on the road. One tried for bus assisted suicide this morning. She won't be the last.

Blacks, poors, and gays.

Generally, the reason for not being allowed to take photos in places like that is so thieves can't build up a catalogue of stuff available to interested collectors.

Also, you are then less likely to pay for postcards etc. , and relatedly, there's nothing to stop journalists/publishers taking their own pictures instead of paying to use yours.

Some places go for the middle ground of making you pay for a photo permit, typically at an absurdly expensive rate. I used to work at a place where this happened, and I would turn a blind eye wherever possible, because the permits were extortionate and most people only take a couple of crappy snaps anyway. Harmless.

Couldn't they hire a guy with a crossbow to patrol the rooms, instead?

Also, shut up you lot. Really wanted a photo of those olde leather shoes by the four-poster.

An ex of mine, can't recall her name, nice girl, glasses, taught me loads about architecture, I think she's married now, was the custodian of an NT place. So, she was alone in this centuries old house every night after locking up. She used to dread the alarms going off. So, in some ways, yes. In other ways, no.

Ray Winstone.

I can't be doing with either. I'll make sure I have some notes on me before I go in. You'd think paying on card might be quicker, but I seem to get stuck behind the ditherers who take an age to find their card and deliberate over entering their PIN.

I used to count to the pound as I shopped, but I've got much better at estimating as I've always shopped by the basket, so you're never more than a fiver off at the most. Hence, I always carry about what I think it costs, plus an extra note in case. Quick and easy, often more so than using a card.

You do have to have it ready before you get to the till, though. There's really no excuse in a supermarket.

Of all the things on this list, the one that I hate most is doorway loitering and pavement/stairway blocking. It seems that the larger a public space is, the greater the likelihood that some witless dickheads will be pointlessly occupying the one spot that absolutely everyone in the vicinity needs to pass through.

I have a very specific one: Students sitting in corridors.

Students tend to sit outside rooms when waiting for lectures or for the room to empty from the previous session. They sprawl, legs extended down the length of a narrow hall and I have to hop over and between them, usually dragging a flight case or some other bulky item whilst they make a token effort to shift out of the way.

Grr.

Not everyone has your phone though - it came about to save time and money. Android folk can get a thingy that expands the message for you automatically

Also, predictive text is the work of the devil. And not the sexy work of the devil - the bad kind.

Having said that, I do hate text speak. Some abbreviations like brb and tbh are alright though, obv.

[Edit] Posting in the wrong thread, like I did just then. Hate that.

People on the bus who, instead of standing up to let you out, swivel on their lazy arses and expect you to shuffle past.

Hope you like my arse cheeks, motherfucker!

Maybe they can't stand up because of your whopping bonce.

Creeping up behind Clickbait phrasing on social media are shared posts and statuses on Facebook that end with any of the following phrases:

'I know which of my friends will be good/brave/nice/kind enough to share this'
'Let's see which of you shares this'
'I want to know who of my friends will share this'
'Share this if you care'
'Only some of my friends will share this - I think I know who they are'

I can't think of anything more annoyingly and creepily passive aggressive when trying to make people feel guilty for not sharing their latest puppy protecting/poppy promoting/poverty porn posting.

"99% of people won't share this"

Including me. Next!

I think those are all brilliant.
In my mind I just read them all as "I'm an idiot, please unfriend me", and click the appropriate button.

Anything from Britain First has a similar effect.

I must have curated my friends list really well as I don't think I've had a single one of these.

I've only had a couple in moments of weakness.
I've binned a few people for unpleasant racist rants.

Incorrect use, or lack of, punctuation. Particularly apostrophe's. (That was intentional.)

Neighbours who helpfully return my wheelie bins but place them with the handles/wheels against the fence.

Fuckers who turn up late for courses I'm running without apologising. Fuckers who sit there texting, or possibly playing Candy Crush, or pratting about on their tablets or laptops during my training sessions. Wazzocks who ask questions that have absolutely no relevance to the subject of the training I'm delivering.

People who don't turn up for training AT ALL and don't have the courtesy to call, mail or text to let me know. People who don't bring a pen or pencil when they come on my courses.

People who don't do mandatory pre-course work before attending my courses.

Drivers who don't indicate before turning or changing lanes.

Drivers who sit at traffic lights at night with their foot on the brake pedal, dazzling people with their break lights. I don't give a fuck if you have start/stop technology in your ugly automatic Citroen, put it in neutral when your engine has stopped and take your foot off the brake.

Free hotel wifi that is so slow as to be unusable, or that fails to connect at all, apart from the odd, random, five minute period.

Hotel managers who promise that they're going to get their shitty wifi fixed, only for me to find that it's still as shitty six months later (yes, Stevenage Ibis, I'm particularly referring to you.)

Hotel air conditioning controls that require a two-day course to understand. I just want to raise or lower the temperature, not to monitor the intake temperature, or adjust the outflow so that it's cycling up and down. Those bastards at the Stevenage Ibis could learn a thing or two from the people who designed the system in the Northampton Campanile.

People who steal plugs from hotel or office wash basins. What is the fucking matter with you people?

Technology companies who don't provide comprehensive user guides for their hardware/software and think that a user forum is an acceptable substitute.

People who complain a lot.

Thinking of pet hates when I don't have access to the net, and not remembering them when I do.

Short term memory deterioration.

Not sure if this happens everywhere but those guys pushing trolleys of dirty water around supermarket carparks asking if you want a car wash every fucking time you park your car to go shopping.

In addition to the proposal of washing your car in dirty water, they charge more that the carwash at the filling station!

Then staying on the theme of the supermarket the endless, charity collectors, kids brass bands that aren't very good, business trying to sell you stuff and even a small fair ground that gather outside the entrance to the supermarket.

Maybe this just happens at my local that was once the biggest Tesco in Europe.

There are designated spaces where if you park in they will ask. Just don't park in those spaces.

Not at my local they hassle you all over the place and walk around the carpark

If I go to someone's seminar you better have pens and paper for me, cause I ain't bringing shit. And I will take that stationary with me.

The use of the word 'Slaw'.

Agreed.

I don't do seminars, I train engineers who all use pens many times every working day, so I don't think it's unreasonable for them to have one with them. I do supply paper, usually nicked from the nearest printer.

To be fair I would expect a pen, if I was going on course.

To be fair, I do give pens to those who need them, but I do find it odd that they don't have one with them when they will probably have used one to record the time and mileage taken to get to the venue. Maybe they DO have them, but just want a free pen whenever they can get one.

TV series with stupid / annoying endings.

clickbait on facebook

Please have your door pass ready as you approach the sensor. Please don't stand there faffing around trying to find it.

or folks that stand at subway trying to decide on the bloody bread...

People who stand in front of doors having a jolly good natter. Or at the foot of stairs. Or anywhere where people are trying to move.

People who wait until the checkout operator has finished scanning their items and gives them their total before rummaging around in their cavernous handbag/pockets for the money/card that they need to pay for the damn stuff.