Be Excellent To Each Other

Driving back up the A34, I saw a trailor in a layby and it said something like "This is a load theft hotspot! BEWARE!" or somesuch.

It got me thinking, just how on earth do you nick a whole trailor?

Do you open it, and remove the contents piecemeal (takes 2 people about 15 minutes from my experience at (a well known courier company - legal Ed)), or just nick the whole container after unhitching it from the truck?

Either needs time and quietness.

Surely it's a case of some local crim sneaking into the back, putting a box of whatever it is under each arm, and scarpering?

Maybe, but "Load theft" made me think it was the whole thing.

I'll ask some lorry drivers in Chavpub at some point over it, I guess.

It goes like this:

You're an HGV driver with a certain moral "flexibility" with access to a cab. You get a tip-off about some decent load that will be parked in some pre-determined location (perhaps from the designated driver of said load, perhaps from somebody else). You drive to said location, hitch load and drive to some other pre-determined destination to deliver. You deliver. You get paid.

It's an organised racket.

I was not here. I did not say this.

Who leaves unhitched trailers sitting about the place though? I rarely if ever see that, they always have a tractor unit attached and probably a truck driver sleeping in the cab if it's parked.

Hence my confusion.

Although on CBSreality right now, there's a seriously fit pregnant stripper.

I love Springer.

I do a fair bit of travelling and I see unhitched trailers in lay-bys all the time. No Idea why, except if I were a truck driver I'd prefer a (relatively) more comfortable Travel Lodge type place than the back of a cab.

Travelodge reception staff tend to notice if you come in with a distressed looking woman and leave with a twitching rolled-up carpet, though.

Or you hijack the truck, or you simply steal it, brazenly. I knew a east end "gangster" once who nicked a trailered boat from the boat show. Just jumped in the cab and drove off with it. And this wasn't a two man boat, this was a 48' racing yacht. Got away with it as well, I think.

I knew someone who worked for a logistics firm in a management role and still did some longhaul driving to the Continent when they were short of drivers. He claimed the cabs are very comfortable inside and it's very hard to hire drivers if they aren't.

It's time for someone to post that link to "Trucker's Delight". With a NSFW disclaimer.

HGV drivers are very, very expensive to train and get qualified. So you want them to stick around after you've made the investment, and so they get comfy cabs and hot and cold running porn mags.

Years and years ago I went to the motorshow at the Birmingham NEC (must have been 25 years ago, I reckon) and one of the huge auditoriums was dedicated to trucks (I don't think they do this anymore) - it was a lot of fun clambering around in those cabs and you're right, some of them are very very plush and capacious.

I once helped my brother move back from the Netherlands. We hired a big truck and took the ferry back, and as we had a big truck we got to sit in the "Truckers lounge" whilst we waited. It was fantastic - huge cups of tea dirt cheap, bacon sarnies, a big magazine rack selling porn and truck magazines, really comfy chairs and a big TV. The ferry companies make a big chunk of cash out of trucks, so they really really mollycoddle the drivers - a driving switching ferry companies due to poor quality porno can cost the company thousands in lost revenue.

Huh? It's about £3000 to get ticketed up yourself, so it can't be that excessive to employ someone for a month, get them a medical, whilst they do the training and test.

The "perks" of drivers' lounges and so on are not that excessive when you consider what the job entails.

I was told by a bloke in the logistics industry that to get a driver trained up for long distance articulated lorryage cost a 5 figure amount, due to lots of regulatory hoopage.

Having googled a bit, I suspect he was talking out of his posterior.

My father in law has a HGV license. He's a diesel mechanic by trade, but often has to drive lorries here there and everywhere. That man can drive anything.

Ah, just thought of another reason you might park up the trailer. If you were passing home and needed to stop, you might reasonably park the trailer up and drive the cab home, rather than park the entire rig outside your house.

I'll ask a lorry driver if I go for a beer in about, oh, I dunno, 5 minutes.

Is there a lorry driver in your fridge?

No, but there's a Wagon Wheel.

A HA HA HA HA

They're smaller than they used to be.

[insert penis joke]

Cock.