I got 1 A*, 7As, 2Bs, and a C.

The only one of those I can reliably remember is the C.

The moral here is that I dwell on my own failures, everyone else dwells on yours. Ponder that.

I've got 8 'o' levels

You must tell us about the war some time.

What the fuck is a 'Q' grade?

Wasn't an 'X' either 'didn't turn up' or 'unmarkable', implying you smeared poo all over the paper or something?

It's "No result". I refused to go to the exam, and they instead made me do it at the end of the day, after another exam. I protested, then sat down with the paper, flicked through it, and put my hand up. My (thoroughly, brilliantly excellent) old history teacher came over and asked what was wrong.

I explained that I could probably answer about two thirds of these pretty well, but as I'd had no teacher for nine months, and a senile lunatic who locked himself in cupboards and talked about rolls royce cars all day instead of teaching us for the remainder, I'd be buggered if I was going to. He looked very pissed off (not at me, I clarify), then gave a little smile and said to sign the paper and go. So, I did.

I think I put a quick note to the examiner explaining that the rest was blank to save time, but I only vaguely remember that, and possibly that was something else that happened in the mocks.

I got an E in Art and an E in Computer Science at GCSE.

Who's laughing now you cunts?

At this precise moment? Me

6 A* and 3 A, for the record.

I never made Grade 1 on the piano.

7 Bs, 2 Cs.

Didn't care too much, and got the shit kicked out of me* the day before my exams started. Did quite well, all things considered.


*the eye-socket incident.

Ooh, I can beat this! I went in to actual labour in 1 of my English exams. Talk about distracting! Then I did a chemistry 1 in the maternity unit and then my last English exam when the baby was 2 weeks old.
GCSEs are easier than having babies.

Ooh, I can beat this! I went in to actual labour in 1 of my English exams. Talk about distracting!

Christ! What did you do that for?

I was still a virgin come my GCSEs. Hoorah.

I was still a virgin come my 3,000th post. Hoorah.

Don't try it at home kids, it's really not advisable....also, pay attention in biology.

At this precise moment? Me

6 A* and 3 A, for the record.

My results were directly proportional to how much course work was required. The more coursework, the lower the grade.

For the record I got 3 B's and 3 C's in other subjects then went on to get a ND (distinction) in Art & Design then a 2.1(Hons) Degree in Graphic Arts and Design. And a diploma in shut the fuck up you nerd.

What about when you're marking exam papers?

No. Because then all the other 'fail'-users can employ that as a loophole. I'd rather nobody used it as a noun.

Exam-markers can just drop the old-person text-speak, and opt for 'you have failed'.

Graphic design can be a bit of a money-spinner, surely. It's not exactly glam, but it's solid.

It keeps me in games, real ale and curry. I love what I do it suits me fine, I wasn't moaning at all. I was just saying that what I didn't get good grades in at high school I went on to study further and now it's how I make a living, that's all.