Be Excellent To Each Other

Fine.

I was being chased by a massive set of gangsters who had stopped out the back of a massive mansion with a lawn to take one of those photos that has the whole school in. They were trying to kill me with guns. On one side there was a black car shooting at me through the window and the other side there was a man on a chair who was wearing sunglasses.

He had a machine gun and the bullets were hitting me so I had to slide towards him to stop them with the soles of my shoes, and then I threw an earthenware pot at him.

Couldn't properly escape and I grabbed a gun from the man in the black car and started shooting the gangsters all lined up for their photo, but I shot an old man and the news said it was Spike Milligan.

I ran down the side of the mansion and it became a kind of market street. I ran into some toilets and hid in a cubicle. The automatic lights went off and it was pitch black and the only sound was Jimmy Savile on the radio.

Whenever the door was opened some light from the corridor came in, and I ducked down and tried to eat a yoghurt but because I didn't want to be seen I cupped my hand over the top of the pot so no light could get out of it.

Two girls came in one door, and the lights didn't come on so they made their way to the door at the other end past the cubicles and opened the other door there. Then they could see they were in the wrong toilets and I heard them say 'the female's are over there.'

They left and the block of cubicles started to shake and there was a really loud noise that a ghost makes when it moans at you:

WOOO-OOOOO-OOOOOH!!

I was terrified at this unseen shaking monster so I made the noise back to it as loud as I could:

WOOO-OOOOO-OOOOOH!!

At this point I was woken by Mimi screaming in fear, shouting "Russell, what the fuck are you doing?!"

Turns out the original monster sound and me in the dream trying to scare the monster back had been made by my actual mouth, and at quite a volume.

So imagine if you will, laying asleep all content, when the person next to you starts violently screaming and shaking at 01:30am, and see if you can guess why Mimi had a less than perfect night's sleep.

Rolling landscapes of huge cylindrical farting werewolves.

Last night I dreamt that I did my 2nd eldest son's homework for him, and it was really good!

Malc

The other night I dreamed that someone from my class got into my room, took pictures of me asleep and posted them in Facebook. I woke up and began checking Facebook on my phone... Mrs Meaty is woken by the light from the screen and asked me wtf I was doing...

You are in deep space, betweem the galaxies, there are no stars visible, it is pitch black and you are in an escape pod that jettisoned from your luxury space yacht some time ago. You are the only survivor, but, that condition might not last for long, your pod will only keep you alive for 72 hours, and there is nothing here at all, but the vast empty vacuum of deep space.

You have given up hope and are awaiting the bleesed release of death, when in the distance you see a light, a red light, no it's green, now yellow, and now blue! You instruct your escape pod to head towards this light, and it slowly gets brighter and bigger, and now it's apparent that this is not a point source of life, but rather a plethora of lights, and they are all changing colour and brightness in a rhythmical fashion. As you get closer still you notice that it appears to be a large flat white disc. It's easily 10 miles across, and as you get closer you can see that it looks like a giant ice rink. And under the ice there appears to be trillions of LEDs, and they are the source of the light patterns.

You land on the rink, and the patterns of lights spread out like rainbow coloured ripples on a pond, and then slowly fade to black. You are in darkness again. The sensors say there is no air outside, so you are still confined to the pod. Before despair can sink it's fingers into you again, you see a faint glow in the distance. A faint green glow.

The glow is getting nearer, but not uniformly, it grows brighter, before dimming again, and seems to move from right to left and then back again. Other colours became visible; purple and then orange, but these are not as bright as the green, which you now see is coming from 2 giants dressed in luminous green shawls. These shawls cover their entire bodies (if they have bodies, their movements suggest that they may be nothing insdie the shawls), each one is holding what appears to be a light saber, and they are dueling with each other. Purple v orange. They are silent as they battle, which at times more resembles a dance than a fight, they are oblivious to your presence, and they battle for what seems like days, but surely cannot have been.

They slowly move on from fighting around you, and their battle of colours fades from view and once more you are plunged into darkness, left only with your thoughts, until you wake up in your bed room, thinking WHAT THE FUCK!

Malc

Wooah.

I've had two dreams involving one of our teachers.

Dream 1: So, last night I dreamt that I owned a little house and that Linda* was buying it from me. All my neighbours were really old and when they saw Linda arrive they came shuffling in on their walkers and canes to meet her. They were talking away at her while she was trying to unpack and thought she was ignoring them. She was getting mad and I offered to try my best to interpret for her but she wasn't interested!

Dream 2: I was waiting at the bus stop on Avenue Rd and Lawrence to get the bus going south (Carman and Shay** were there too along with students I didn't recognize) and we saw Linda coming but she went into her house... she came out just after the bus arrived so it drove off and left her behind! The bus drove into Havergal College where there was a TTC-operated white water raft to take us down some rapids (Chatsworth Ravine?) to college. We went through tunnels with water features and arrived at a big lake in the woods where pirates captured us and made us run an assault course to earn our freedom.

*teacher
**fellow students

Another student has told me he had a dream involving a different teacher, who was trying to kill him.

What the eff goes on in these 'classes' man?

I had a dirty dream last night, woke up, thought "lulz", went back to sleep and had an even dirtier one! Good times.

This thread worthless without vivid descriptions.

I'll get drunk and describe it at some point.

My guessing : Holly Willoughby is unable to pay her bill, but is sure she can come to some arrangement, and is that a huge vat of jelly over there?

My guessing:

Grim... home, hungry and naked.

The pizza delivery person: Miranda in a Land Rover.

I just have to nip to the toilet for a minute or two...

To be sick I hope.

Miranda has made a bra out of two 7" stuffed crusts and a thong out of a slice of 14" mighty meaty.

But where is Grim...s 2ltr bottle of coke.

OH THAR SHE BLOWS!

Well, I enjoyed my lunch on the way down...

That's what Grim... said too.

"How about a pizza roll?" Miranda says seductively, and then turns to camera to raise her eyebrows.

That's a novel pizza topping.

I said no anchovies!

And are they olives?

Only freaks don't like anchovies.

But the smell...

Reminds you of your mum, does it?

/looks at camera
/shocked face

Makes a cracking pizza, she does

Crack Calzone.

I dreamt that I was a wasp last night, having sex with a fly!

I did wonder if it was to do with me watching the last episode of Season 5 of True Blood last night, and ordering season 2 of FoF

Malc

Last night I had a dream that John Squire (Stone Roses), who used to be my neighbour, invited me to play bass in his new band. I was on an enormously long stage, right at the back, about 100 yards behind the rest of the band, and my bass only had two strings. While I was waiting for the gig to begin, a guy I used to be at school with and haven't seen for 40 years, appeared in a pair of green Lycra leggings but no clothing on his upper body and made his way to the front of the stage. I have no idea why. I then started playing some amazing solo bass licks ... and then I woke up.

My dream last night was based on Alice in Wonderland. However, most of the characters had the face of a smilodon. White rabbit? Smilodon face, Cheshire Cat, mad hatter? Smilodon face. Queen of hearts? Smilodon face.

Malc

So, last night in my dreams my wife told me to go and see the doctor about my previous dreams, so I booked an appointment for the next day, and went to bed (in the dream). I woke up and there was a pool of blood around me, from where it was it looked liked I had either pisssed the bed (with blood) or shat the bed (with blood). This was apparently normal as no comment was made about this.

So I go and visit the doctor, who works in the trailer next to where we live (in a trailer park, in the dream), and I'm telling him about the dreams, when he says: "Don't you have somthing more important to be telling me? Like the blood on your bed?"

Which freaked me out at the time, but I later worked out that he must have broken in and covered me in blood, which was once again apparently normal. The doctor had to cut short his consultation with me as he was late for his next appointment, which was to appear as a victorian magician/mediævaljester in the middle of the trailer park. I was to appear as one his 'victims' but unfortunaly I woke up before he complete his trick.

Malc

I've been having an increasing number of dreams with the Constanzas out of Seinfeld in them, with occassional guest-starring from Jerry and Kramer. This is great, because I'm now getting free comedy in my sleep.

Last night it was George and Frank arguing over having got their trolley wedged in a checkout aisle. George Clooney Batman tried to help but Frank jabbed his finger in his chest and bellowed, "You're not involving yourself in this one, Clooney!" Clooney Batman looked mildly crestfallen. Dream knowledge implied that he was a friend of the family, but was judged incompetent in domestic matters by the Costanzas.

The two of them went back to squabbling. Seinfeld was making a tent out of bin-bags for some reason.

The only dream I've remembered for ages was a bit rubbish really. I have these pants where the top button has fallen off (this is in real life), anyway in my dream I put them on and was pleasantly surprised to find that the button had been sewn back on.

Malc, you need help.

I dreamt I was a cold war-era spy on a hiking trip Siberia to meet with some Soviet agents for a meet and greet exercise. Among my group members was yet another person from my class.

Highlights included watching an Alfa-class submarine surfacing (we were hiking along snowy sea cliffs) and going for a swim in a geothermally heated pool.

That's brilliant. Did it look like Seinfeld, or did it look like real life?

Did a slap bass play at appropriate interludes?

It was sort of like real life, in Tescos, on Albany Rd in Roath. Only it had the slap bass music and an exterior opening establishing shot. Sometimes it worries me how choreographed my dreams can be.

I used to write down my dreams... one or two needed to be written as a script to capture it well enough.

Last nights dream was interesting (I've not 5 nights in a row of memorable dreams in ages) I was God and it was 4 Billion Years ago, and I was sitting on a rock on the side of a volcano being interviewed by a film crew about what it's like being a deity, and why it was going to take 4 billion years before inteligent life that could worship me would exist, and why had I waiting 7 billion years before making the earth.

I remember remembering all 2.5 trillion days and thinking that was indeed a long time, and then to have to wait another trillion days before anyone would even be aware of me was a bit stupid, and I couldn't really explain why I'd made it like it "It just happened"

Malc

I'm having more and more dreams of people from my course coming into my room, taking pictures of me asleep/naked and posting them on Facebook.

No dream (That I remember) last night

Malc

I don't know if this was a dream or a nightmare.

Last night I dreamt I was at the zoo with Zardoz. In this twisted version of reality Zardoz had flowing blonde hair, which turned out to be a wig.

Weird :/

It was neither. That was something that actually happened.

Seems likely now you mention it.

The last 3 nights I've woken up after a dream thinking: "That will be brilliant for the dream thread". Then I've fallen back to sleep and woken up with no recollection of them

Malc

really complicated dream that I was at school with Perkies and they had an aquarium which he cleaned except for a diarrhoea shark which he was scared off and there were Grease characters flicking vipers at people who he also didn't like and there was thing with a neck that was old and liked fish and worms and then he left and came back and it was really old with white eyes and crooked bones and no diarrhoea shark. yeah, that's about it.

Same time tonight, Ange?

Ill be at the Blue-tongued Skink vivarium.

Woke up last night having dived out of bed and was running up and down the hall (note hall is about 4 steps long) because in my dream I had been told all the rather nasty insects were outside, but as I got up to go to the loo I realised they were inside and it shit me up and I didn't have anywhere to run to as they were all around me.