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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 12:51 
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Craster wrote:
If it helps, while discussing grammar I'm usually masturbating.


Feex.

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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 12:52 
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kalmar wrote:
Yeah. Still, now we're discussing grammar. That's not what I subscribed for!


Oh dear. Have some more porn.

Meri and her sexy little overbite (NSFW)


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 12:58 
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metalangel wrote:
kalmar wrote:
Yeah. Still, now we're discussing grammar. That's not what I subscribed for!


Oh dear. Have some more porn.

Meri and her sexy little overbite (NSFW)


Oh bollocks, I accidentally just clicked on that. :facepalm:

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 Post subject: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 13:00 
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baron of techno

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flis wrote:
Craster wrote:
If it helps, whilst discussing grammar I'm usually masturbating.


Feex.


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 14:13 
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Dimrill wrote:
Surely the level of resistance offered by the aperture gives you a good idea of where things are going.

You'd think so, wouldn't you, but I can say from personal experience that this is not the case.

On one occasion, many years ago, I made this very mistake in the heat of the moment and it will haunt me forever. The future Mrs. W found it extremely painful, even though penetration was minimal and I was out of there in a fraction of a second as soon as she made me aware that something was not right. I'd never been interested in bumsex before this episode and it only convinced me that it was something to be avoided. Of course, I know that it appeals to some ladeeez as well as a lot of gents, but I'm not one of them.


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 14:21 
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Paws for thought

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I'm sure we've heard grim...s story before. I seem to remember chuckling.


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 14:27 

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Dimrill wrote:
Surely the level of resistance offered by the aperture gives you a good idea of where things are going.


Proper lubrication is obviously necessary and beyond that anything more than moderate resistance and one's partner is not relaxed enough and thus one needs to be better at making girls/boys horny. Once they know how to relax that sphincter, you can crack on. Push a bottle of poppers in their face and whisper something romantic in their ear, that often helps.

Besides, anal needs to exist so that small knobbed men can know what vaginal intercourse feels like for the rest of us :)


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 14:45 
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GovernmentYard wrote:
Push a bottle of poppers in their face and whisper something romantic in their ear, that often helps.

Besides, anal needs to exist so that small knobbed men can know what vaginal intercourse feels like for the rest of us :)


Absolute gold.

Please can you write the sex guide to accompany MaliA's dating guide?

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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 14:49 

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What could I put in a sex guide? All I know is if you're sexy enough, they'll pretty much demand whatever intimate courtesies lust emboldens them to favour. All else is following instructions or doing one's best not to slide off.


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 14:51 
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GovernmentYard wrote:
All else is following instructions or doing one's best not to ram it up her arse.


FTFY


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 14:52 
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GovernmentYard wrote:
All else is following instructions or doing one's best not to slide off.

Are you reading a Welshmen's guide to sheep-lovin'?

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Pretty much everyone agrees with Gnomes, really, it's just some are too right on to admit it. :)


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 15:02 

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DavPaz wrote:
GovernmentYard wrote:
All else is following instructions or doing one's best not to ram it up her arse.


FTFY


Disagree. With the exception of my mum and ugly people, my whole life has been dedicated to quite the opposite of what you just said. I think the sense of esteem and satisfaction you get from bum-humping the missus probably equates to the satisfaction womens get from raising a child or something. Certainly in my experience I'd say the feeling is second only to bum-humping someone else's missus.


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 15:26 
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Hmmm. I've got a date this evening and I reckon asking her how she feels about anal sex is probably as good a way of kicking off the conversation as any.

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Pretty much everyone agrees with Gnomes, really, it's just some are too right on to admit it. :)


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 16:41 
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ElephantBanjoGnome wrote:
Hmmm. I've got a date this evening and I reckon asking her how she feels about anal sex is probably as good a way of kicking off the conversation as any.


Do it and report back :D

What if she's a complete anal slut? What would you do then....?

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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 16:43 
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flis wrote:
What if she's a complete anal slut? What would you do then....?

Duh, anal.


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 16:47 
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DavPaz wrote:
flis wrote:
What if she's a complete anal slut? What would you do then....?

Duh, anal.


He said it didn't remotely appeal to him, this is how the conversation re. bumming (sort of) started. I was wondering if he'd do it if she wanted it, or if he still wouldn't go near.

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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 16:48 
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Oh, sorry, I thought you meant me. Carry on.


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 16:48 
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Comical doesn't want to, though.

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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 17:06 
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And Grim...'s offered.

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GoddessJasmine wrote:
Drunk, pulled Craster's pork, waiting for brdyime story,reading nuts. Xz


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 17:26 
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Mr Dave wrote:
I'm sure we've heard grim...s story before. I seem to remember chuckling.


I genuinely thought I'd read it as well but a very thorough search reveals nothing. I'm mostly mentioning this just in case Grim has a look at the search logs one day and thinks I've got some kind of fetish for him.


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 18:46 
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I'll see if I can slip it in. The conversation.

This is an interesting topic for debate. Assume the lady totally wants it up the tail pipe and can't imagine a long term relationship without a bit of that. You're not in the least bit interested, so is it a deal breaker?

Tricky one.

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Pretty much everyone agrees with Gnomes, really, it's just some are too right on to admit it. :)


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 18:58 
Filthy Junkie Bitch

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Even if you didn't see the appeal, I think you'd give it a crack anyway. Given the opportunity of a woman dripping like a fucked fridge most men will drift outside their comfort zone to benefit from the chance to partake in a few of their own favoured activities.

Until the first sweet corn kernel, anyway.


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 19:01 

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ApplePieOfDestiny wrote:
Until the first sweet corn kernel, anyway.


Condoms. Truly the rubber glove of the penis, for hygiene aware gentlemen.


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 19:03 
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ApplePieOfDestiny wrote:
Until the first sweet corn kernel, anyway.


I was going to say, I'd find it hard to entirely erase the thought of tagnuts/beanskins et al from my mind (not that the fragrant, immaculate Mrs C has ever been afflicted by a tagnut in her entire life). Besides, fanny-farts are one thing, but plain old common-or-garden farts, howsoever induced, are surely another? :D

... It's really never, ever appealed to me I must say, but perhaps I'm doing it all wrong! Each to his/her own etc.

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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 19:14 
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Meanwhile a woman that refuses to gobble a bit of cock now and then is destined for a short relationship. Swallowing is polite but probably not a deal breaker. It's all about compromise.

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Mr Kissyfur wrote:
Pretty much everyone agrees with Gnomes, really, it's just some are too right on to admit it. :)


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 Post subject: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 19:21 
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Part physicist, part WARLORD

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Zio wrote:
ApplePieOfDestiny wrote:
Until the first sweet corn kernel, anyway.


Condoms. Truly the rubber glove of the penis, for hygiene aware gentlemen.


Condoms ruin sex.


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 19:23 
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Malabelm wrote:
Condoms ruin sex.

:this: ++

But if you're a tail gunner I totally see the need.

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Mr Kissyfur wrote:
Pretty much everyone agrees with Gnomes, really, it's just some are too right on to admit it. :)


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 19:25 

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ElephantBanjoGnome wrote:
Malabelm wrote:
Condoms ruin sex.

:this: ++

But if you're a tail gunner I totally see the need.


Quite. They ruin regular sex, but I'm not sure I'd want to have anal sex with a lady without one on.


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 Post subject: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 19:34 
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Part physicist, part WARLORD

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*Mutters something about being happy enough to use his tongue there, so fuck using condoms*


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 19:35 
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:spew:

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Mr Kissyfur wrote:
Pretty much everyone agrees with Gnomes, really, it's just some are too right on to admit it. :)


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 19:36 
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Oh man alive.

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Dr Lave wrote:
Of course, he's normally wrong but interestingly wrong :p


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 Post subject: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 19:40 
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:D Have I broken the thread now?

There's nothing innately dirty about an arse. You can clean it quite extensively.


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 19:41 
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Malabelm wrote:
You can clean it quite extensively.

With your tongue, if your comments are anything to go by. 8)

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Mr Kissyfur wrote:
Pretty much everyone agrees with Gnomes, really, it's just some are too right on to admit it. :)


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 Post subject: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 19:47 
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ElephantBanjoGnome wrote:
Malabelm wrote:
You can clean it quite extensively.

With your tongue, if your comments are anything to go by. 8)


You paint it like I'm licking actual shit.

I knew a girl who wouldn't give blowjobs because that's where pee comes out. I wouldn't drink piss, either.


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 19:49 
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Hey mate, from my POV, whatever lights your candle mate, fair do's! It's just not for me, is all. Perhaps I am a prudish old bastard. :D

edit: I so *do* hope you have a good mouthwash, mind. :D

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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 19:55 
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This is now my absolute favourite thread.

9/10

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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 19:55 
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Urgh. The most I've ever done is use it as a chin rest.

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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 20:05 
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Whilst you're playing Xbox?


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 20:05 
Filthy Junkie Bitch

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flis wrote:
This is now my absolute favourite thread.

9/10


I'm holding at 8/10 pending someone declaring golden showers to be the best thing ever.


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 20:08 
Filthy Junkie Bitch

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Malabelm wrote:
:D Have I broken the thread now?

There's nothing innately dirty about an arse. You can clean it quite extensively.

Given that my pinkie had seen a lot of rectal action during sex before I ever sent the tank up one, and I'd never discovered post coital excrement over my hands, I think that the pooh aspect to anal had gone from my mind before I popped my bum cherry.


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 20:10 
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Rude Belittler

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Ah, so that's why you needed all those beard-nets. Preventing irritation for her, and stops you having dingleberry-beard.


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 20:13 
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Pundabaya wrote:
and stops you having dingleberry-beard.


Ah, now you're not getting me with that one. They're a folk band from Norfolk.

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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 20:28 
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Skillmeister

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Oh, and Gaz, here's your new avatar.

Image

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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 20:36 
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Honey Boo Boo

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Zio wrote:

Quite. They ruin regular sex


You have enough kids to start your own orchestra ;)

Quote:
but I'm not sure I'd want to have anal sex with a lady without one on.


How are you meant to fill her warm tightness with your hot jizz? That's part of the point, you don't have to 'ruin' your sex but you don't have to spray it across her tits pornstar style either.

Image


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 20:44 
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Malabelm wrote:
....I wouldn't drink piss, either.


You massive prude.

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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 20:53 
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metalangel wrote:
ElephantBanjoGnome wrote:
metalangel wrote:
Someone ever made an animated gif to prove it

How is it you haven't provided a link yet?


I'm at work, which makes it hard to search for such things.


I'm not quite sure why i'm doing this to try and draw things back on topic (in this thread ? - really???) but a quick google for the keywords gives this link NSFW


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 Post subject: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 20:54 
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baron of techno

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Amazing scenes.


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 21:00 
SupaMod
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zaphod79 wrote:
metalangel wrote:
ElephantBanjoGnome wrote:
metalangel wrote:
Someone ever made an animated gif to prove it

How is it you haven't provided a link yet?


I'm at work, which makes it hard to search for such things.


I'm not quite sure why i'm doing this to try and draw things back on topic (in this thread ? - really???) but a quick google for the keywords gives this link NSFW

That's quite a famous clip, because she doesn't "do" anal.

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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Mon Jan 30, 2012 22:53 
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Honey Boo Boo

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Grim... wrote:
That's quite a famous clip, because she doesn't "do" anal.


She does, just not on camera. Same with Faye Reagan :'( (who again, does it 'privately') and Lexi Belle. There does seem to be a thing where Elegant Angel gets previously non-anal stars to do their first scene... both Gianna Michaels and Sunny Lane made their bum debuts that way and both have later claimed to have 'loved it' (Gianna perhaps enjoying the huge pile of money as she doesn't really seem to enjoy herself that much anyway, while Sunny goes literally cross-eyed in the heat of passion) but hey, haven't seen either of them in any anal scenes since then!

Jenna Jameson claimed taking it up the ass on camera was 'compromising' herself because she only did it when people she loved.

Still, what a professional, eh? Even when the guy's aim is off, she doesn't break character!


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 Post subject: Re: The Grot, Grumble and Scud thread
PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2012 0:00 
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Noob as of 6/8/10

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ApplePieOfDestiny wrote:
flis wrote:
This is now my absolute favourite thread.

9/10


I'm holding at 8/10 pending someone declaring golden showers to be the best thing ever.

Never tried that, though Mrs. W did want to try her hand at aiming Percy at the porcelain once, just out of curiosity.


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