Be Excellent To Each Other

A friend of mine is in trouble. She's been kicked out of her parents' house for being gay, and while trying to reach my house for somewhere to stay, she's found out that her parents have also frozen her bank account.

I am sure - SURE - that this is illegal, or reversible at least, as the account is in her name. She's 17, but it's still in her name. She's apparently called the bank (well, building society), and they've been sympathetic, but said they can't do anything. This doesn't sound right to me.

It is a savings account, and in order to withdraw money she uses a passbook, which her dear mother is currently holding to ransom (whilst simultaneously telling her she's been disowned. So, homeless and penniless on the streets of manchester is apparently better than safe and financially secure and gay. But I digress). The CAB site has no relevant advice, and they didn't answer their phone when she called.

Now, leaving aside the considerable anger and worry I am feeling right now, what, exactly, can she do? Advice please. She can't afford to come and stay with me, and I can't afford to pay for her ticket, or food for that matter. She has somewhere she can stay rent-free in a few days' time, and plans to leave the country in a month or two. If she can get to her money, she'll have three grand to fall back on, which is more than enough to keep her safe for long enough to make a fresh start.

How can she get to her money? There must be something. I will kill one kitten every hour for six years if there is no way to fix this.

A slightly dramatic solution might be to call the police, and get them to go and ask for the passbook. As you say, if it's in her name I don't see what legal basis the mother can have for hanging on to it - it'd be common theft wouldn't it?

I think involving the police sounds like a good idea.

Do that. And, and don't take this the wrong way, if you do lend her money to 'tide her by' don't expect to see it back.

Oh, I wouldn't expect to. If I could spare any money at all, I would, but I can't anyway, so it's moot.

Go police, that's mental. What kind of fucknut throws out their child for being gay? If one of my kids turned out to be gay I can't say I'd be entirely happy, but I wouldn't do this.

Either that, OR, some sort of elaborate soap-opera plot subterfuge in which you, S.A., pose as the daughter's rock singer boyfriend to whom she's secretly just got married and then lied about it to cover up the truth, and can you have the money please to get married in Las Vegas?

OR, sort it all out on the Jeremy Kyle show.

Also, good luck. You do have the most interesting friends

Rather than calling the Police might it not be better if you could attempt to be an intermediary between her and her parents, I wouldn't trust a 17 year old to give a level-headed, unbiased account of what actually occurred. If they could be made to understand the situation it might work out better for everyone in the long run.

A rather common kind, unfortunately

Grab your shovel, and make her parents bludgeonees.

Yeah because they must be complete bastards, saving all that money for their daughter. Maybe they all had a blazing row and things were said which weren't meant, which then got related to sinister agent as being kicked out "because she's gay".

I would do this, but I can't afford to get up to see them, as they live in Chesire and I'm in Warwick ,and skint.

I should have stayed in london, frankly.

Phone call?

Most of that money is from her dad, who occasionally has the sense to feel guilty about beating the shit out of her when she was a kid, before her parents divorced. She takes advantage of this sometimes, and frankly she should.

She's been kicked out by her mum and stepdad, who think that gay people are THE DEVIL, and that her girlfriend is part of a paedophile ring because they originally met online.

I know where you're coming from, but this isn't a teenaged strop. You'll just have to trust me on that much.

If it becomes necessary, I'll mediate over the phone, aye. I think that's going to be a bit last-ditch though, as apart from anything else it'll be very complicated and risky (bringing my name into the equation might just mess things up even more. I have a beard, for one thing, so obviously I must be a terrorist).


Thanks folks. I've advised her to keep calling the CAB and call a police station to explain/ask for advice. Right now she just needs to get at her money, and then she can worry about gettin a sympathetic ear.

"Hi. I'm Sinister Agent and I have your daughter."

0161 219 6050 - Manchester Council 24 hour single homeless female hotline.

Bearing in mind if she can stay with friends at all this is better than hostel accommodation, but she'll need expert advice and here is where she starts.

The police are unlikely to help with her passbook. If she chose to leave the house without taking her stuff with her, and they are choosing not to let her back in (and yes, I know, but that's how the law sees it - she could have stood her ground and stayed and if she was threatened with violence to leave that is a seperate issue) then the police will only attend while she returns to collect things to 'prevent a breach of the peace' so she'd need to tell them she's off home to get her book and is expecting to get batterd when she does so.

I'd just walk in the bank with a Photo ID and *DEMAND* the money in my named account. If they ask for a book, claim it's lost.

Ah I see.

Aye, that's sort of what I was implying with the dramatic solution. I guess the police wouldn't actually go and get it for her, as you say.

Go round there and bum her Dad.

Also if she walks into the big issue offices on Oldham St at the top she can get some pointers from them about where to go to access stuff. Can't find much quickly on the net and I have to go out. Good luck to her though. As she is seventeen, most major hostels etc won't take her, there'll be a specialist place somewhereabouts. But she needs to go into the council housing office first and foremost.

Major cities have emergency bed provision for thing slike this. I reckon the number from my last post is her lifeline based on what I've found.

*Tries to think of witty comment involving lesbians and copious quantities of food grade oil*

If she goes to the police and declares herself homeless, they'll put her on to Social Services who can also help to get emergency accommodation.

You're assuming she has photoID.

If she's 17 I could well imagine she's fucked there (with regard to being able to demand the cash). I hope not.

Can you order over the phone?

Many, many thanks, folks. I have passed on pertinent information (fortunately she does have her passport with her), pointed out the support, and ordered two single homeless women for the weekend.

A homeless lesbian? She can come and stay with me!

Oh, 17... never mind

Seriously, I think she's stuffed on the money front as she's under 18. When is her birthday? As soon as she turns 18 I don't think they can do anything to stop her getting access to it as it's in her name. Of course, her parents could just as easily change the name on the account to their own.

I thought if the account was in her name the parents couldn't touch it after a certain age? Seven I believe. I was told something along thouse lines anyway, but it could be different depending on the type of account/bank.

The police should probably not be the first priority, that would mean there would be no chance, ever, of a reconcilliation. I would be wary of assuming it's impossible that things could calm down.

If she goes into the bank with her passport, and asks CALMLY what can be done, they will help her. Also, as someone mentioned earlier, the Big Issue people will be able to help.

If that fails, couple of big bloke mates, go round to her mums house, get her stuff. Whether they want her to or not. Had to do something not far of that with my own father once...

Then the parents call the Police and the two big women and your friend gets arrested.

Best bet for the money is to visit her branch with some id and proof of address etc. and try and access the account. We don't know how it was set up initially so it is hard to say whether she is legally entitled to access it. If she is and can prove beyond doubt who she is then I cannot see the problem. Considering the nature of the parents one may assume it isn't so accessible. The bank and name of the type of account may be useful to obtain in order to find out more.

They'll only get arrested if they actually threaten anything. It's her stuff, and if her parents deny her access they are breaking the law. The friends are there for protection, nothing else.

I don't think that would work. The owner can surely refuse her access. Which law are you citing? An individual cannot trespass to retrieve property even if the goods are legally hers. She needs to get a magistrate to enable her to access the property or deem the retention of property as theft, surely.

I find it strange that the bank aren't willing to be more helpful in this case, unless the account isn't really in her name.

I would have though so.

They could delay things by offering to forward all her document's to her via recorded delivery.

They would then be seen to be complying with her request for her documents.

They can't refuse to bring her stuff to her, I believe. I couldn't say specific laws though. Just seems to me that it would be better to try that first, before involving the police.

Going to the Police and asking them to accompany her to the property to retrieve her goods would be the best bet. Just her and an un-aggressive friend perhaps. The parents can still refuse her access but they are unlikely (I presume) to lie about the fact that they do have her possessions. The Police can ask them to bring her things out etc. if they won't let her in. However if they deny all knowledge of the passbook I cannot see how she can prove they have it...

Risk being arrested for trespassing or worse before asking the Police to oversee it? I really don't know. Surely it would be best to get in there first?

Why would the Police do this?

I believe the Police tend to avoid domestic disputes if they can help it, especially as no laws (as they will see it) appear to have been broken.

If she can convince the Police that her parents have effectively stolen her property by refusing to give it to her then they will retrieve it. Otherwise they can accompany her to ensure a breach of the peace doesn't occur. Ultimately the parents have to give the property back sooner or later even if it means taking them to court. They cannot just steal it. Incidentally it makes no difference whether it's her parents or a complete stranger - theft is theft.

Without knowing the people involved I imagine two Coppers would carry more weight then two random blokes.

It hasn't been stolen, she left it behind.

So surely, no crime has been committed.

Are the parents refusing to let her have her property? If so it is theft. If not, remind me what the problem is again?

Even if she complete abandons the property her parents cannot just immediately bin it without her say so as it isn't their property.

I've no idea if they are actively refusing to give her access to her property, but they clearly don't want her to have it.

They have already had the account frozen, so they are obviously going out of their way to make thing as difficult as possible and seem have a good pair of heads on their shoulder's (good at being cunts admittedly).

If they offered to forward all the document's on, which would allow them to delay things further, I don't see that a crime is being committed.

I can't imagine the Police will be jumping over themselves to devote resources, to what may appear like a teenager having a falling out with her parents, either.

Well obviously things need clarifying. The Police will do what I have stated if that is the case.

If they have 'frozen' the account then it isn't hers. Full stop.

Thats what I don't understand.

I can't see how they could freeze her account, and so quickly, if it is her own.

"Yes we have your property right here and we will give it you back but only when it is convenient for us to do so." I think that is against the law.

Exactly. Obviously something doesn't add up. I suggest we wait for further info.

It would probably be more along the lines of:

"You have left your property in our premises. Please supply a forwarding address and we will return it to you, free of charge as well cos we're so nice."