Be Excellent To Each Other

The great lineup of stars! Yay! Hardly used. Nay!

Kenneth Branagh! Yay! Kenneth Branagh as Poirot. Nay. Kenneth Branagh directing Kenneth Branagh as Poirot. Nay nay. Some fucker should have been reining in his performance sounding occasionally like the policeman from Allo Allo.

If the majority of the film takes place in one location and you build a bridge at least in part for one scene then why is there so much chuffing CGI for the external shots?

Unfathomably and most heinously there’s no atmosphere and no tension in this murder mystery. When one character exclaims “I’m sleeping in here where I can see everyone” I yawned at the prospect of a nice nap as I had no expectations that something thrilling or dangerous might happen. When Big P gives a gun to someone near the end there’s zero tension and you’re just left with utter bemusement where this change of heart has come from. I doubt it’s the fault of the story which was alright but rather the director. But he was probably wanking so hard over his portral of Poirot that his glasses fell off and he couldn’t see down the lens. Take one scene where he spots some distinctive marking on a gun held by one character: He identifies the lies he’s told instantly and tells the character and the audience, like a big smarty pants, about how he saw this and that on his gun. Does the audience see the gun in any meaningful way? Nope. There’s not even a single close up or, better still, something out of frame but large enough that the observant might be in on the terribly clever observation. Fuck that. We have a quick fire and lengthy spouting of cleverness that left me dumbfounded. It felt like the laziest exposition in film. Show don’t tell. Or at very least show and then tell! And how does the character with the gun react to being called a liar? He folds and fucks off; even leaving his gun. There’s no tension that the gun holding guy might have the physical upper hand even if Poirot has the mental one, and no display of cleverness to diffuse any tension that might result from being called a liar and potentially a murderer. Just no tension at all.

Funnily enough I’m going to see that tomorrow. I hear one scene towards the end is particularly good.

I’m worried though due to 2 things:- 1) Gerard Butler (Geostorm anyone?) 2) 50 Cent (Get Rich or Die Trying anyone?)

Still, here’s hoping for some awesome violence.

Fuuuuck. I wrote a huge thing and then lost it because the internet is a fucking cunt. So, shorter story:

- Gerard Butler plays a total prick and that interesting to see. That character isn't massively interesting but seeing him do an anti hero has a lot of value.
- 50 Cent is decent. Won't change your opinion but also won't ruin your perception. I expected nothing and was pleasantly surprised.
- Pablo Screiber is great. It's unlikely, but I'd really like to see him as the lead in something and I think he's ready for it. His performances here carries the whole film , and the fact theres very little going on makes that even more of an achievement.

https://twitter.com/starwars/status/960298267677417473

Solo: A Star Wars Story. Trailer Tomorrow. #HanSolo pic.twitter.com/y6l5P0K53n

— Star Wars (@starwars) February 4, 2018

New Solo: A Star Wars story trailer tomorrow.

Also, I'm liking this feature to share Tweets. It's making me very lazy in my linking.

That cow is being thoroughly milked.

You're right. I'm hoping that these non-main Star Wars films start to become anthology style soon. Origin stories are a very limited resource.

Kind of amazed they have managed to spin three prequel movies as not really being prequels.

I suppose origin stories are prequels, yet not.

That's a Wookiee dude.

Coming up next: the origin story of chewbaccas sash thing.

As long as they're all as good a Rogue One, I'll be happy.

Cloverfield Paradox is a thumbs down from me. Super derivative of similar genre movies, and the Cloverfield connection bogs it down.

Spoilers for this new one that's on Netflix and sort of by extension the prior two films too.

Coming up after the origin of chewbaccas sash: the tragic backstory of the ewok who said "Gupa-nupa"

Yes, this is so ridiculous that makes the SW universe feel incredibly small, because everything interesting that happens, happens with the same people.

That's hardly the point. Origin stories are often part of huge movie franchises, for good reason - because films don't often provide a lot of backstory for their characters. How did this smuggler guy end up being in Mos Eisley right when Luke and Obi-Wan needed a ride? Why did he owe Jabba a load of money? What's the history of how he ended up with the most famous spaceship in sci-fi history? How come he has a giant orangutan buddy?

All of those questions mean that done right, there's a compelling film there.

The fact that there a (now non-canon) trilogy of books means that there's likely demand for a film on Han Solo's history.

The Cloverfield Paradox is a origin story. Hey, you ever wanted to know where that beast came from in Cloverfield? Of course we fucking didn’t. Jesus Christ, some people just want to know everything when it’s unnecessary and franchise damaging. Whatever someone comes up with it’s always going to be worse than you wanted.

Anyhoo, a summary of The Cloverfield Paradox in case anyone is thinking of wasting their time watching it:

Uninspired cinematography;
Unoriginal stock soundtrack;
Bland visuals;
Terrible characters;
Straight to DVD acting;
Humdrum and uncreative dialogue;
90% of the script is atypical science jargon (“We have to uncouple the rings to reach maximum latitude” “the pressure isn’t stabilising within the vortex” “But what if we destabilise the outer visual external jettison tubes?” “That could work. But we’ll have to pressurise the pastured milk”.)
Like space there’s no atmosphere.
There’s no tension and when people die I’d be amazed if a single viewer could give two shits.
Tonally it’s all over the place.
JJ Abrams directed this?

Just absolutely awful shit.

No he put his name on it, and it was produced by his production company. Same as both prior movies.

Edit: and they have already turned a profit on the movie.

Impressive for a pile of shit but lots of garbage films turn a profit (Hello Transformers). I suppose the unexpected release (Hello Beyonce’s album) and Super Bowl trailer was a stroke of genius.

Notably that's profit for for film studio and for the production company, not Netflix. Hard to know how they'd measure that anyway.

Edit: and I presume that they did the sums and realised that the cost of theatrical distribution plus a traditional marketing campaign wouldn't have resulted in more revenue that the additional costs would have been. Especially given they probably knew it wouldn't be a big cinema hit because it's not very good.

I don't really agree, because, how can anything from Han Solo's previous life as a smuggler can top helping blow up the death star or fighting the empire on endor? Origin stories happen because studios always prefer to make movies about established characters than do anything new. Remember KOTOR 2? Great new characters and great writing. Why couldn't movie studios come up with something like that? That's a rhetorical question, we know why.

So like Rogue One or the new films then. Or the various animated series.

Rogue One was about something that happened before EP4. Not exactly something new. But I have to concede that it was much better than the written-by-commitee feel on The Force Awakens.

I haven't seen The Last Jedi yet.

KOTOR was also written about something that happened before Ep4.

I don't see your point, unless it's "I don't much like the films they're making, even though everyone else does"

Whilst I like all the new stuff, and will definitely watch Solo, I do agree that there’s a whole galaxy out there, and other stories set away from the main drag of the Skywalker Saga might breathe new life into the universe and tell a more interesting story.

Also, some origin stories can be good, but few live up to the promise, or are needed. I like mysteries and references to things we never need to know more than broad brush strokes about. See the prequels for some shitty backstory we didn’t need (and I like those films more than most).

But there’s a new trilogy planned doing just these things! I am more interested in seeing that than I am about what Boba Fett did between the prequel series and his ill-fated journey into the Sarlacc.

There's not just that galaxy either, they could do some stuff about things that happen a long time in the future in a galaxy far, far away.

It clearly wasn't practicing being a bounty hunter.

A fried of mine loves Boba Fett and I constantly wind him up about how rubbish a character he actually was.

Cool helmet, though.

Well quite. One origin story (unless you'd like to count the Death Star Plans origin story) in 13 films and a host of associated series is hardly self-indulgent.

I’d be tempted to bundle in the entire prequel trilogy as well, tbh.

I’m still cool with them doing more, like a cool Obi-Wan movie, but do also try new things, else we’ll run that well of nostalgia dry.

You could count the three films for Vader's origin story.

How about a Ken Loach style social issues movie.... but set on Coruscant?

I'm hoping for an Aaron Sorkin-style political drama set within the corridors of the Imperial Palace.

Jar-Jar Land.

I actually want whatever the current movies timeline is era Speed Racer type movie about the next generation of pod racers.

Days of Thunder in a Star Wars setting.

I'd be up for Han and Chewie in Brokeback Falcon.

Kinky love between an empire general and a rebel soldier:

Fifty Shades of Imperial Grey

I'd watch Days of Thunder if part-way through the film, it transitioned into the opening scene of The Final Destination

Not enough love for this.

Great work Zardoz.

Daddy’s Home 2...*exhausted sigh*

I hate everything Will Ferral has done except Anchorman. Unless someone can remind me of something else he was in that was better than just alright.

No, he's awful. Why in god's name did you watch it?

Stranger Than Fiction is very good

Zoolander

Elf.

Elf yourself.

50/50

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Quick shout out for 'GOOD TIME' which has just appeared on Netflix and I watched last night.

I'm still recovering from the flu so you get a lazy review.

It has that chap out of Twilight in it who is very good actor.



https://www.bostonglobe.com/arts/movies ... story.html

925/1000