Be Excellent To Each Other

So, I'm back in Ireland once again, and about to visit Mum for the first time since I got back. As I left everything a bit last-minute, I'm waiting outside the door for my cab to turn up. Which it doesn't.

I'm just in the front door and on the way to the phone to see what's up when I hear a screech and an almighty bang outside. My taxi had started pulling in, but a truck speeding behind it couldn't brake on the wet tarmac and punted said cab about 20 feet down the road.

Luckily, everyone's okay (besides the car, which is royally fuck'od), but jeez Louise. If I'd stayed out ten seconds longer I could easily have been hit, I was waiting right fucking there, in what would've been the path of a violently skidding car.

With this and the incident back in L.A where a drunk tow-truck driver cut my missus' car almost in half, I'm getting a mite peeved with this whole 'multi-ton vehicles in the hands of idiots' deal. Anyone else been subject to similar vehicular mongicide lately?

I was shocked into blank inability to do anything but open my mouth yesterday to find someone driving a person-full Mondeo up the wrong side of the road outside Old Trafford yesterday. Thankfully they noticed and swerved.

A typical day's commuting sees all sorts of danger and lunacy for me, to the point of convincing me that the world is held together by the longest streak of coincidence and luck imaginable. No wait, even longer than that.

Yep. Mrs Chris was driving along a 40 mph main road yesterday when an artic pulled out in front of her from a side road. She was clearly in view, as it was a long straight, but the guy pulled out with her so close by she had to pull a fairly scary emergency stop and stopped feet from the stupid fucker. He then did the same to someone else 400 yards down the road at a roundabout.

Christ I hope it doesn't snow. People are rubbish at it. Especially the Sucky Urban Vehicle driving types.

I was crossing the road, walking to where my motorbike was parked and saw the oncoming taxi, but chose to ignore it for a bit until my brain decided to register it. We had a laugh.

Americans?

For proper fear, realise that a lorry-mounted crane (like this one, for example) can be driven with an ordinary car licence.

Oh.

Fuck.

Yes.

Not any more, I suspect. They changed the allowances in, what, 1998 or so? Now you can barely drive a milk float.

@Mali: They are very easy to drive, to be honest, if you ignore the fact that you have massive front overhang. Otherwise they're mostly automatics - point them and press the pedal.

@Gaywood: I believe they fall into a loophole.

Oh.

Fuck.

No.

Only if I'm driving.

I need one.

Actually, Cranes are to do with a case in my contract law, which you've reminded me of. I'm pleased when things like that happen as I feel something has gone in (oo-err).

I think the only think recently (we are talking a month ago) that's happened to me is when I was in a taxi.

I always use Comet Cars, up until recently. They are friendly, reliable, cheap and always know where I'm going without me telling them as I cannot navigate my way out of a paper bag. I booked them so I could be taken to hospital and they sent me a lad that I've never seen before. He was a boy racer type, window down-elbow out type. So I got in, said where I was going and he zoomed off! It was like Crazy Taxi! I said, 'Look, I'm going to hospital for a check-up-I don't want to be going there because I've been involved in a crash, okay!?' so he slowed down, he asked where I 'hung out' and I said nowhere because I was a hermit and it was my first time outdoors in years.

The no speeding thing last for a few minutes and he was back to dashing around traffic so I decided to stay quiet until I got out. He introduced himself to me just before we stopped at the Outpatients part of the hospital, I got out after giving him his money and said he was the most dangerous taxi driver ever. I reported him to the firm after that

What a prick

A loop hole?

I was on holiday in Turkey, or it might have been Tunisia, and I discovered that saying "hurry" and paying slightly more makes for one fucking awesome rally experience. I loved it, the MrsA of the time, didn't, though.

I had a taxi driver once hit a woman as he took a side road. She didn't bounce off the bonnet or anything, just knocked her arm with the rear side window.
He kept driving, which was good, because I was late.

Had a little smoosh in front of me travelling back on Sunday - pedestrian crossing, lights go red, runners start to cross, one car stops, car behind doesn't quite make it. The driver of the first car was clearly a little shaken as after they'd pulled into the side of the road he opened his door right in front of me as I started to pass by - well, not right in front, I'd left him some space but still.

Next time I'm drunk on holiday and can't remember the address of the hotel I'll know not to go making up an address and drawing a cross randomly on a map. Still, I can think of worse ways to spend $60.

Awesome. Bonus point if you slurred "Trea-sure"

Recently we were driving home and I noticed a car a little way behind us being driven quickly and erratically, so I moved out of the way. At the next set of lights that car was directly in front of us. As we were facing uphill I thought I'd leave a little extra space as I knew they'd roll back a bit. I wasn't expecting the driver to be paying no attention at all, and the car rolled back as I expected, but a lot more. Seeing this crappy old escort heading towards us I gave a toot on the horn and luckily they stopped. But the driver started yelling, hollering swears and gesticulating into the rear-view mirror at me.

Not really that bad, but just very rude and needless. Would they rather I'd let them roll into me? Because I really didn't want to have my car damaged by some muppet. In hindsight maybe I should have, the wife put a little dent in the bumper that can't be repaired and a new one is pricey - but that's not really my nature.

Kill them with fire.

When I'm in London I sometimes play a game where I see how right wing I can get the taxi driver to be.

Basically you engage them in conversation and then agree with everything they say. Your aim is to see how far to the right of Hitler/Littlejohn you can get them before you reach your destination.

They love it (because they think you are some kind of facist who agrees with them), you love it (because it's fun), and everybody wins.

If Talksport is on their cab radio, you know you are onto a winner.