Be Excellent To Each Other

Here is a thread of anecdotes about being drunk. Fun anecdotes about being drunk.

I was just in the shower and thoght of stupid things that I have done because of wine.

My top two:

I once stumbled home with my best friend at University after being at the student bar. I went to the phone to call a good friend who had gone to university at the other end of the country, but accidentally managed to dial the number of a stranger in Cornwall. I said hi, asked for my friend, hilarity ensued because I was drunk and he found it amusing. he was with his mate and they had guitars. They were really really good guitarists! The were singing, I was singing, my friend came to the phone, we were all singing. We sang and chatted for over an hour. It was about the 15th of December. I know because it was a week or so before my birthday. I was going to have a 20th birthday party the next week and so, of course I invited them.

Next week, at stupid'o'clock in the morning I had a phonecall 'hello, we're settign off now, can't wait!' They actually drove from Cornwall to Lancaster to come to my birthday. That was just great.

Stupid, but great. I managed to do EXACTLY the same thing the next year by hitting an automatic dialling button on the phone that Corrina's mum had given us when ours broke, and got through t her Mum's sister's house, and ended up speaking to Corrina's cousin. He and his friend, neither of whom I had ever met, also came to my birthday (21st this time).

Right, but my stupidest thing I ever did was when, also a few days before my 21st birthday, we did a charity show for some local school kids. I played the Christmas fairy (I always played fairies/angels/children if there was one in any play...)

After the show we went straight to a bar, still in costume. I drank too much. I was too drunk to go anywhere else but somehow was convinced to go to a nightclub afterwards. We went home to get changed. I went into my bedroom and could hardly see what I was doing. I got undressed and started looking for something appropriate to wear. I couldn't find ANYTHING that was right for the Sugarhouse in my inebriated state, until, I looked down, and at my very feet was this HUGE sparkly white dress! It was amazing! I put it on (it had these 'things' on the back, but oh well), and there was some kind of headband type thing and a stick with a star on the end of it. Perfect.

I came out gave a drunken twirl and none of the buggers said anything.

(I also managed to invite a third stranger to the party when I was there purely on the basis that he had violently curly hair. He also came and may have tried to burn down my bathroom when I wouldn't kiss him...)

Well, Drunk Grim..., the gauntlet has been thrown down.

Grim...'s got to better burning down Mimi's bathroom as she wouldn't snog him?

Pissed in the waste paper bin in the JCR while the Christian Committee were there.

Got buried under a rugby team during Smells Like Teen Spirit - hospital visit followed.

Crowded club, me standing alone with six feet of space all around me as I screamed Big Black's Kerosene.

Etc.

I came out from a house party once at the other side of the city and had about a 45 minute walk home, but found myself at home, legs not feeling tired, about 20 seconds later.

I convinced myself that I had either time traveled in my mind or sleepwalked. I was still convinced of his the next morning but upon telling my friend she had explained that the part was only four doors away and couldn't understand why I hadn't remembered going. I never did remember going there for a party.

I once ate a whole box of weetabix when I had the munchies.

You and Ange would get on so well.

Can Ange actually handle her drink at all, though? I mean, will I need to give her a two glass head start or something?

FTFY.

I have a compulsion to climb through the dog flap when drunk. Yes, it's a big dog flap. One day I'm sure I'll get stuck though.

I'm sure I've told this story before, but nevermind. Once when coming back from somewhere on the train, I met my mates in the students union without going home first. Consequently I'd had nothing to eat all day and proceeded to quaff far too much alcohol than was good for me. Managed to get so mind-bogglingly drunk that I was convinced I was going to die, and thus rang 999. Had a very nice conversation with a lady on the phone who kindly sent an ambulance to my student flat.

Since my mates didn't realise I was quite so wasted, they were surprised when paramedics turned up at the door. They promptly took me *across the road* to the local hospital, where I had a quick bloody test that ascertained I was actually fine, just drunk, and was left in the waiting room, with my head on a mate's shoulder (cheers Tom) for about 4 hours, at which point I'd sobered up enough to go home and eat the takeaway I'd bought several hours before, but was too drunk to eat.

My, that was an embarassing day. Pleasingly I virtually don't drink any more. It's for the best.

I don't really drink so don't have any personal stories, but when my Dad gets drunk he generally sticks his arms out like an aeroplane and starts zooming around the pub while humming the tune to the Dambusters.

He then stumbles home, normally falls over in the road and then starts trying to swim across the road.

He has also stumbled into the side of a Transit van and left a big dent in it.

I can see why you don't really drink.

This is what happens when they let trainee nurses try to take samples, y'see.

When I was 14, I was with my Dad at Bisley Shooting Ground in Surrey for the annual Imperial Meeting. Two weeks of shooting for the shooters, and two weeks of drinking for everyone else, basically.

My Dad ran the English XX Club there, but when the club shut at night he'd go over to the one of the other clubhouses and have a few drinks with the landlord (as he was friendly with them all). I'd often be taken along too.

This led to my Dad getting absolutely rat-arsed in the RAF Club and doing the aforementioned Dambusters, and then asking me to drive us back to the tent in his Vauxhall Cavalier. It was 2.30am, I'd never even sat in the driver's seat of a car before.

It was pitch black outside and I spent 10 minutes trying to get the car started, only to realise I had my foot on the brake instead of the accelerator when starting. I couldn't find the switch to turn on the headlights, and Dad was fast asleep at this point, so I had to drive about half a mile back to the tent in pitch black conditions (no street lighting there either). Including driving across a field full of tents, and just hoping that my "mind map" of how the field was laid out with the tent pitches was correct.

Fortunately I got us back to the tent without running over anyone, but it put me off driving for a while

I am not commenting, and I am banning Curiosity from commenting on my behalf.

Ditto. Also itsallwater and The Albino Kid.

Naked singing is quite enough.

I forgot about you lot.

Starts writing essay of myoptika's drunken antics.

I was about to request this feature.

Well, I wasn't going to talk about yours, but I guess it's fair game, then.

Hopefully this thread will make all my liver damage seem worthwhile.

Last year I went to visit a friend in London who is well known for his drunken stupidity and wanting to “stay out forever”. After a couple of late bars closing on us we ended up in a rather nasty club. I have no idea where it was or how we got there, just that it was fully of gangster types and in the back of a camera shop. We eventually stumbled home at around 5am to his flat near Canary Wharf. We had to jump off the bus we were on as another friend who was with us was desperate for the toilet. Not really knowing where we were we began stumbling home. Again, no idea how it happened, but we ended up in a Tesco loading bay. You’d think this would cause the staff some kind of alarm but by the reaction of the staff it seemed to be a fairly common occurrence. As the sun came up we made it to Canary Wharf station and my friend chose to tell us he didn’t know his way home as he’d only moved in a couple of months ago. A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO?! FFS that should be long enough to get your bearings! We found his flat eventually with just enough time to shower, change clothes and leave the flat to catch our train back to Nottingham.

More to follow later when I’ve actually done some work this morning….

I was walking from student bar to club with a bunch of friends when one decided that she couldn't wait for the toilet. She nipped down an alleyway for a wee whilst I tried to block her from the view of the road. It was made more difficult for the fact that she was wearing a skin-tight shiny rubber catsuit (long story) so had to get practically naked to wee.

There was, unknown to us, a big brick overhang either side of the alleyway (like a big stone-built balcony of sorts) where about 7-8 lads were standing drinking beer. They waited until she was mid 'flow' and then started cat calling. She shouted 'oh f**k off' and then said something about 'flicking her bean' and to enjoy sucking each other off, or something (she was the lewdest mouthed woman I ever met, but she was ace) and then stood back up, wiggled back into the giant black body condom she was sporting and walked calmly off.

The Year was 1997. It was the Thursday before Good Friday. I was working at an Internet Cafe called "Cafe Internet", Once a month on a thursday we hosted something called "sprawl" where some trance/dance people came and performed live. I had the day off, but had gone into work to experience the ambience and stuff (oh and for the cheap beer).

When the evening had finished (about 23:30) and everything was cleaned up, we had a lock in as was often the case. It got to about 00:30 and the boss decides to invite everyone back to his house, so we all piled into 2 cabs and went to his house (which is in Barnes in London) It gets to about 2 o clock and we're down to 3 people left: The boss, me and one other person. We decide that we want to go to the Thames and look up at Hale Bop (which was quite bright in the sky at the time) We decide to take some alcohol with us, there's a bottle of red wine, a bottle of white wine and a bottle of whiskey. We take one each and head out.

So we're walking along the bank (the tide is out, but coming in) talking about stuff, work, life, the universe, girlfriends and so on. Now, my boss fancied my girlfriend (who also worked at the Cafe at the time) and was constantly trying to chat her up (despite being married at the time, and she also working as the Cafe's accountant) I decided that I'd had enough of him doing this, and attempted to push him into the Thames.

Now, I'm about 6ft 3, and my boss is about 5ft 3. It was a pretty uneven contest and I was easily able to get him close to the edge of the river (we were on the shore), the other guy was trying his best to split us up and eventually I relented. So we're walking back down to his house, the three of us, and then the police turn up to question us. I'm completely pissed at this point, and the other 2 do there best to support me and convince the cops there's nothing wrong. We get back to my bosses house, I throw up all over his bathroom and pass out in his spare room.

The next day he calls my girlfriend who comes over in a cab and takes me back to my parents house (where I was living at the time) The cab has to stop several times so that I can throw up again and again. And then when I get home I throw up a final 2 or 3 times.

So I'm dreading going into work on the tuesday after Easter Monday, I turn up and my boss has a broken thumb and his arm in a sling, calls me over and tells me not to worry about it. Knowing full well that if he'd sacked me, my girlfriend would never have forgiven him and then he would have no chance with her (not that he ever did any way).

Malc

So your café didn't shut at 2am then? Just checking.

It normally shut at 21:00, on Sprawl nights it was last orders at 23:00 shut about 23:30. and yes I'm aware that this is some dig at mimi

Malc

Ange, spank his bottom!

i thought English girls didn't need to be drunk to wear that

Who came up with the name 'Cafe Internet'?

My old boss.

Malc

What a twat. He should be thrown in the Thames by a lunatic employee, I reckon.

You mean, "Twat, what he is. Thrown into the Thames, he should be."

I've eaten 8 packets of Monster Munch in an evening before. I wouldn't recommend it if you value the surface of your tongue, put it that way.
I usually seem to know what I'm doing when I'm pissed. I just do it badly. Maybe it's because I rarely touch anything other than beer and there's only so much of that you can pour down your neck before you physically can't fit any more in there. Back when I used to drink whiskey I got chucked out of a mates house for getting aggressive and angry - that's whiskey for you. I wandered out the back door and then couldn't work out how to open the gate in the passage between the houses, so I tried to climb over the 7' brick wall and pulled the whole thing down on top of myself. I must have looked a desperate sight when they came out to investigate the noise, trying to reassemble it brick by brick.

No indeed not, as they can pull it off much better than their stick-up-the-arse Continental cousins, who need a demi-bot of wine before they loosen up enough to be remotely interesting.

Stereotypes agogo!

Summer 2001
Mason City, Iowa
2am, day of friend's wedding

Went out, had got hammered in the bars, celebrating last day of his freedom. Him and I get someone to drive us out to the gravel pit. We go skinny dipping, disturbing the 3 teenagers having a sly smoke out there. I was stood on the railings of the jetty, about to jump in, and a police car appears, searchlight falling across the water. I jump. it tracks me down. We hide under the jetty as the policeman gets out of the cars and tells us to get out of the water. We explain that we are naked and skinny dipping. Our driver appears and explains that we are English and it is what english people do the day before a wedding. We get told, very firmly, that the park shuts at 11pm, and that we are VERY lucky to not get put in jail.

Especially not while naked.

EDIT: Shin - it was a multipack I'd bought and intended to share with my mates, but after copious amounts of smoke nobody was getting anywhere near it apart from me. So a mixture of flavours

indeed. the world would be a much more jolly place if it was filled with english girls

I can't think of anymore twattishly funny things I've done so I'm going to start on my friends.

I went out with my best friend for some drinks last year. Bless her, she weighs about 5 stone less and is about half a foot shorter than me, but she always tries to match me drink for drink. We were partly out to celebrate her getting a new job at the school she works at. She was skipping down the road and being generally daft, so obviously when a lampost came into view she just had to swing round it. She began to swing round it as I said "Ju, what's your job title??" "Head of Biologeeeeeeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" *thud* Sadly she hadn't realised the lamp post was at rather strange angle and had swung so hard she'd fallen on the floor. Tut, teachers today

It's good to know that she still has time to carry out practical research.

i once was drunk in a sauna and i heard my phone ringing. I answered and i started walking on the street (i can't stand still while on the phone) while at it. I was naked.

It was in Finland though, so i guess it was kind of normal.

That's a great story

I once found myself waiting at a bus stop with no shoes on, but I was very much sober.

On two occasions in uni I managed to find myself outside where I should have been.

When we were in halls in the first year, I found myself outside our flat just wearing a pair of jeans. I couldn't get anyone to let me back in either, so I had to sleep in the kitchen of the flat next door.

A few years later I found myself outside our house, the following morning, still wearing the tux I'd worn to the ball the night before and my jacket pockets were full of (our) cutlery and sky remote control.

So, you actually DO have nothing left to rob?

Once upon a time on a Friday night far far away Myoptika went out for a work night out. Fearing his drunken appearence later on in the evening I decided to drink a bottle of wine (quiet at the back!) and go to bed. However, I was awoken by my phone ringing with Myp's name flashing on the screen. "Funny," I thought "He doesn't usually ring me on a night out".

Me: "Hello?"
Phone: "Hi... Err this is Matt's work friend Sandie... He's really drunk and asleep outside the pub and won't tell us where he lives. Can you give us his address and we can put him in a taxi?"
Me: "I knew it..." *gives Sandie our address*

So I went outside to wait for the taxi to arrive. Matt appeared from around a corner with a 30-something year old Indian man holding him up. Rather embarassingly, I assumed the man holding him up was the taxi driver (as 95% of taxi drivers in Nottingham are non-white) and asked whether Matt had been sick in the car and how much the taxi was. Turned out he was Matt's colleague. Ooops. I managed to wibble wobble Matt upstairs to bed but once he'd sprawled out in the middle of the bed there wasn't any room for me so I left him to it and went and slept in the spare room.

In the middle of the night I heard a human pinball crash down the corridor from the bedroom to the kitchen (we were living in a flat at the time) stop for a minute and then crash back. I decided I really couldn't be arsed to investigate what he was up to so left him to it.

In the morning I went to the kitchen and wondered why the lid of the kitchen bin had been lifted up and rested against the wall. I also wondered what the strange liquid was in the lid of the bin and decided to touch it and smell the residue on my fingers (don't ask me why, I was half asleep). Oh yes, he'd lifted the bin lid up like a toilet seat, taken a piss in it and trotted off back to bed.