Be Excellent To Each Other

Opinion in the office from women ranges from "it's embarrassing and awkward when the bloke insists on paying" to "not offering to pay looks cheap and scummy". Thoughts? (Apologies if we've done this before; I suspect we have.)

Metaphysical LOL

I think we live in an age where the bloody woman can afford to fork up for half the meal, or at the very least, have it paid for on the understanding its on her next time. I can't see why that's not fair, really. I'm keen to pay my way in all things, and so I'd judge someone who happily pays for nothing very harshly, particularly if she was a potential gf.

If I invited a lady out for a meal on a first date I'd pay sure.


But I'd want rudies for pudding.

Depends if the bloke asked the girl out. If yes, then yes. Isn't it?

Edit: and you should always offer.

Um, well, I'd never expect a man to pay for a meal on a date, and he offered I'd probably say 'shall we go halves?' but if he repeated that he'd like to pay for the meal I'd graciously accept but try to do something nice in return on another occasion.

It's completely up to you. If you can afford to do it, and you don't have an alterior motive like num nums, you're just being generous. If someone is offended by generosity then I wouldn't want to eat with them anyway.

Heh, Mimi typed out my response for me it seems!

I would always pay because I'd want good dinner, and I wouldn't want to go somewhere the lass couldn't afford.

Depends who invited who.

You've been out with Zardoz then?!?!

Craster is richer than all women, you see.

My inclination is that I should offer to pay, but I don't want her to think I don't see her as an "equal". I'm over-thinking this, aren't I?!

I don't like to assume one way or the other.


It's true, though.

what you actually meant FTFY

That's fair, but I was thinking more long term. Paying for 'a' meal is fine, but if it's always you paying, all the time, I fear something is wrong.

Perhaps not with the teeth protruding that much.

She's too foul mouthed for me.

x

Would a woman ever offer to pay for a man's meal?

Oh deffos! I do actually tend to pay for our meals most of the time because I'm usually the one who suggests we go out, but she always offers to pay and I don't let her.

HOWEVER, if I'm ever short of cash she happily pays.

That's what happens when you take your date to Nandos.

I'll bet solid money you are not richer than J K Rowling.

Arf!

The point is, dick, that I don't want to say to a bird I've just met "Let's go out for dinner. I fancy posh nosh - are you minted?"

I've never been in the situation where a meal is the first time we've got to know each other. And so buy the time we are having a meal, whilst I wouldn't assume going halvesies I'ld expect that she would quickly move to pay half, and I would want her too.

If she didn't go to pay half, then I would pay for it all but I would think a lot less of her to be honest. A lot less.

HBut I think this is a generational thing isn't it. And I suppose if you ask them on a nearsighted date where you don't know each other that well then offering to pay makes sense.

Me and the GF always go halves except when one is skint the other will pay. Hell at the minute my GF pays more of the rent than I do, because of my stupid PhD.

Equality rules.

Dirty.

That's the basis of Grim...'s entire technique!

Yes . I've taken Craig out for a meal quite a few times, he's taken me out for meals, sometimes we go halves - it depends on who has some spare cash, whether it's just on the way back home 'shall we go for a meal' or for a specific occasion.

I was in a relationship for a few months (about 8 years ago) with someone who would never let me pay for anything. He was older, had far more money than me and found it almost offensive that men would let women pay even half of a bill. He was forceful and insistent on this - no matter what we did, I couldn't even buy myself a packet of polos. I don't know, it led to tensions. He said it was culturally (he was Greek - actually, Greek Cypriot) how they treated women. I don't know, I wasn't used to it and it always made me feel weird. I don't even know if it was true about being the cultural standard), but he always wanted to go places where the meals would jointly come to just shy of £200, and I guess he knew I couldn't afford that. As I said, he wouldn't even let me buy my own gum, though.

Fixed poll FY.

The following poll option is also missing:

If I invited the woman out, I'd offer to pay in full.

If she rejects this offer and either says to go halves or offers to pay in full herself, I'll restate my offer.

If she rejects the restated offer, I'll relent.

It's worked well throughout my romantic "career"

You're a sex worker?

That's pretty much what I've decided on. Seems to be working for you at the moment! Teach me all you know, o wise one.

And presumably the opposite if you asked them out?

To me, It does set the tone that they are doing you a favour by turning up though. It changes it from "I like you, lets spend some time in each others company" to "I like you, but I suspect you don't like me, so let me buy you food in exchange for you spending time with me."

If they date had gone terribly and I had initiated it I would definitely offer to pay - as a way to say sorry for wasting your time.

But otherwise, I dunno. It's very context heavy. But I don't hope to date anyone who wants me to buy them dinner.

But I say this as a person whos never really gone on formal dates before being a 'couple.'

No, really?

Clearly you've forgotten that I'm a divorcee.

That's rich coming from someone with over 100,000 posts. 548 a day!

They are almost all in Craster's secret badger touching forum though.

It's an unexpectedly popular place.

Of *course* men should pay for the meal. This is the one way in which women get to rebalance the pay gap just a tiny little bit.