Be Excellent To Each Other

I looked around all of Merseyside trying to find jeans that fit (and don't look like they've been cut to bits Thank You Very Please)

I feel your pain on this one. Clothes designers seem to be obsessed with putting designs on clothes that, at best, look like they've been thought up and applied generically using an 'art'-gun (similar to Homer's makeup gun) or, at worst, look like the result of an ejaculation.

because he used to work in a camera shop (you just know he's snobby about photography and lenses and stuff)

What they are actually for is to let idiots pay stupid money for the privilege of being a mobile advertising hoarding. I can't think of anything dumber than advertising a company and paying for the privilege.

Ah, I see where you are going wrong. You are assuming that your clothes are there to feel comfortable on you and keep you warm and all that kind of thing.

Worst experience with HMV: Merry Hill in 2002, taking advantage of a 3-for-£15 offer to get some old Morrissey albums and the eerily chipper cunt behind the counter is making comments on everyone's purchases. "Some cheery listening you've got there!!", he says. Ngh. If I was Richard Herrin, I could do a whole one-man show about HMV.

Did any one read about Topman stealing a design from someone and putting it on one of their t-shirts without knowing what it was? Printed off a load and put them in the shops, only to find that they had stolen a picture from a study of Russian prison tattoos, and they had inadvertently splurged some facist slogan about purging Russia of the mongrel races on their clothing.

My main gripe is finding plain black t-shirt. In town there's a Burton and a Next (about the only men's clothing shops that aren't 'designer' i.e. extortionate) and they make it difficult to buy something that doesn't have some stupid graphic on it.

Still, at least Primark have simple stuff for simple people like me. Cheap too.

That has filled me with absolute joy, I dearly hope that it is true.

When Bristol university student Paddy Shuttleworth spotted an unassuming grey cotton T-shirt in his local Burton menswear shop, he was, to say the least, surprised; not by the price (a modest £12) but by the Cyrillic writing surrounding the doubleheaded eagle motif which, as a Russian language student, he was able to translate. Rather unfortunately, it read: "We will cleanse Russia of non-Russians!"

"I did mention to the girl as I bought one of the shirts, that it was politically probably quite dangerous," says Mr Shuttleworth. The shirt's overall design is an odd jumble of ersatz French logo and Russian iconography, but there is no mistaking the nature of the sentiment, which uses the old word for Russia, "Rus" as a way of distinguishing between ethnic Russians and those with Russian citizenship. "I've spoken to a Russian friend," says Mr Shuttleworth, "and she said you would be arrested if you wore it in Russia."

I also have major trouser issues. I have [...] an arse that demands a 40".

The problem with Primark, TkMaxx and H&M is that their stuff is shit; I like things to last more than 3 or 4 washes - or in the case of some jogging bottoms (strictly for lazing around the flat in comfort, you understand) one. Just because it's cheap shit doesn't make it okay to buy replacement clothes once a month.

Why would you have a Burger at a restaurant?