Be Excellent To Each Other

What makes angry people angry? I'm not *quite* as mind-numbingly enragaged as you lot think I am, although playing up to it a bit is good fun. The vast majority of the time I am genuinely placid and unobtrusive. If you met me you'd probably find me friendly and otherwise alright. Honest.

But things piss me off. People piss me off. Some people I'd cheerfully murder with a large bat. No really, I would.

Sometimes people tell me to calm down and not get angry at things. This is always confusing - how are people supposed to not get angry at things that get them angry?

Do you get angry? How are you supposed to not be angry? Can you fake it? I could fake it, if I had to, and appear calm, but inside I'd feel like a twat for failing to react properly. What's it all about? Discuss.

There is a programme on at 9 pm tonight on the Beeb all about anger.

If you are serious about "murdering" someone then you need to seek help before you either harm someone or be harmed yourself. It's only going to harm you in the end.

Awesome, I'm so watching this.

Yes it's called 'Losing It' iPlayer fans

No no, I don't think I'd murder someone. I recognise that the law forbids it, and I'm unlikely to risk imprisonment. I merely don't think I'd have any qualms about putting down certain types of people. Y'know, the despicable ones that deserve it. Them.

No, never. I don't know why either. I've never been anything more than annoyed at something. I'll let you know what happens when I do get angry... whenever that happens.

Most murderers are caught because they can't keep their mouths shut
They fess up in the pub with mates and then get grassed up. So you can murder those fuckers and probably get away with it.

I come to your house and take a dump on your kitchen floor, and you merely get annoyed? Why the hell do you not want to kill me dead?

This program is terribly interesting, and they've already used the phrase 'furiously angry', which made me laugh. Angrily.

As a start, CG, I would strongly recommend Daniel Golman's Emotional Intelligence to get a layman's understanding of one aspect of this field.

Very, very infrequently. (although I did manage it today, which included, amongst other things, disagreeing with our old friend Captain Caveman)

And No, I couldnt fake it.

Well something like that would be pretty trivial anyway.. not worth getting worked up about.

I don't get angry either. Things make me feel sad. like when I was mugged - I know that would anger most people, but it just made me feel sad and upset.

If you turned up and pooed on my floor I'd most likely be scared that there was someone in my house defecating on my floor. Scared and upset more than angry, though.

I get actually furiously angry. A lot. Mostly because someone fucks something up for me, or doesn't do something, or whatever - in other words, when I'm not in control of the situation. People being cocks in front of me on my commute, serving me (and failing to properly rectify) broken meals in restaurants, generally shit design and build quality of everything, that sort of thing.

I also get furiously angry when I fuck stuff up as well, mind. Usually a nice meal I'm attempting to prepare. No double standards here.

Very (very) occasionally I have to hit a(n inanimate) thing as a pressure release. I seem to have exited the phase where I'd semi-regularly just go into a weird shutdown thing and go completely unresponsive for up to an hour or two. Thankfully.

I don't get angry much, but I am definitely pissed off with Eurgamer for wasting my entire fucking evening, the cunts.

Lets be friends!

My gf does the 'upset instead of angry' thing. I can't conceive of it. Mimi getting mugged made me angry on her behalf. I'd quite happily beat that guy to death if I merely had the chance. No, really. People like that are beyond redemption, and require immediate death.

Oh for fuck's sake, couldn't you have waited until I finished editing?

I have done this a couple of times, and I literally mean a couple. I have banged my fist upon a table. Inanimate objects, never people. I've never had the urge to hit someone, anyone, as a release. That would be stupid. The most significant incident of this was when I punched a very solid door so hard that I cracked a knuckle. Why? A mate of mine had just been hit and killed in a hit and run.

Interesting thing about the weird shutdown. I can appreciate that response though I can't say I've had it.

I get furiously irritated, but I recognise it as irritation, rather than anger - because, on the face of it, the only things that would enrage me are things that haven't really happened in my life, touch wood.

I have levels of anger, varying from annoyance to frustration and extreme murderous rage. The children annoy me with their banging, bickering, whinging, noise, lack of ability to do what they're told and my God I struggle to keep my patience with them sometimes.

Ramsea frustrates me with his general retardedness quite a lot, the time I took his 360 cable was one of those times. He knows I get mad when I have to ask him to do something for more than a week....so it's obviously his fault that we only have 4 plates and 2 glasses because he makes me smash things.

Idiots at work piss me off, luckily I work in an environment where I can usually tell someone they're a prick and why, then move on quickly after it's all out in the open. Today some pompous clipboard wielding twat rubbed me up the wrong way, he was blatantly wrong and lying about it but we didn't have all the facts to back us up and we need his approval for something so we had to agree with him! That really, really pissed me off, tomorrow I'm going to go above his head and sort it out.

The last time I felt true raging fury was when some chavvy Preston lad punched me and tried to kick me a couple of times in a take away while I was at uni. I have never, ever been so fucking furiously, mentally mad at any point in my life. I flew at him, I couldn't hit him hard enough, I was literally screaming at him..."HOW dare you!? How DARE you!?!" Little shit head. We reported him to the police for attacking us and stealing a phone, he got caught down the road, threatening to hit someone with a plank. Tool. The police reviewed the CCTV tapes from the take away and told the lad that if he returned the phone, they wouldn't press charges. The WPC later said that if it had gone to court the extent of the beating I gave him would've meant me getting in quite a bit of trouble too...

The first thing to to is acknowledge that something's making you angry, then try to work out why, and, frequently, what emotion the anger is trying to drown out. It's also helpful to question what it really is you're angry at - people rarely know what really angers them.

It depends on the nature of it, though. If it's a 'red mist' scenario, you have a seeerious issue you need to sort out. But I don't get that impression from you personally at all.

It might also help to pay attention to other people when they're angry, to see what you notice. It helps if they're not angry with you, natch, and if they don't know you're watching and analysing their performance. You can gain some scarily powerful insights into other people's lives by watching them and coming up with as many theories as possible to explain their behaviour. And then blackmailing them.

I missed this show about anger. I will be hitting iPlayer. I have an annoying habbit of getting worked up over small matters of principal and yet letting the huge problems wash staight over me. It is all a matter of context. Extreme example:

My friend was in the cinema with me yesterday. He shuffled out to the toilet from the middle of a row half way through. Because he didn't want to interupt everyone else when he came back he sat on the end of the row in an empty chair. The girl behind punched him in the back of the head a few times. He did nothing. Her excuse, she doesn't like people sitting in front of her. I was fuming. So much so that her husband incredibly meekly apologised and whisked her away.

Millions of people starving across the globe: I stuck a pound in a bucket didn't I?

Although this in itself makes me angry. Probably because I related it to myself.

If someone did this they would suffer very swiftly.

She suffered verbally, there was never any chance of me starting a fight with her. Her husband, or her, may have waded in but after that had blown over the police and lawyers would have been called in. I just think she didn't think anyone would do anything. Especially in the climate of people being stabbed on busses, kicked to death for looking like a goth etc. The couple were quite meek after my aggressive onslaught and although she did not apologise, as such, they left in shame. My mate got stuck in verbally too. Neither of us would ever throw the first punch though.

However, my point was, as I have probably illustrated with my rant above, that small things can irritate me but the big picture of global suffering passes me by day to day.

While I can't be sure how I'd react to being punched in the back of a head by a girl in a cinema (and really - fucking hell), I'm only really likely to get angry on someone else's behalf. I don't really care too much if someone acts like a dick to me directly - the time a complete stranger punched me in the face in the street for no reason and then carried on attacking me, my reaction afterwards was more along the lines of "tch! What was all that about, eh?" Well, that and "ow", obviously. When something similar has happened to a friend, I've waded in without hesitation to try and stop it happening. As a result, I did get a kicking then as well. The moral being that pacifists are piss-easy to beat up, or that I've just got an especially punchable face.

The more you try and understand the reasons behind people's actions the more they seem to have in common. People act for a reason, they may have no reason to abuse you personally, but there must be something behind it all.

I think the reason for so much anger is the way that the world is presented to us. We live in the cultural worlds created by the media and forms of entertainment as much (if not more) than the world outside our window. In these 'worlds' I am bombarded with images of violence - deaths, shootings, stabbings, pointless acts of random violence, sexual abuse, bullying etc. etc. Along with that is the idea that unless you are also extremely angry and vigilant then the same thing will happen to you and that you will deserve it for presenting yourself as a victim.

But to do this is to become a victim. To fear and distrust everybody until you have a reason not to, to act in ways that are aggressive and self-destructive - to victimise others - is to be a victim. When I see someone acting aggressively or extremely anti-socially it does make me angry but then I think about why they are acting that way. I don't envy them, they haven't got something 'over' me, in fact they are displaying for all to see that they are the victim, that they are the ones losing control of themselves and not their 'victims'.

We trust people with our lives every day; bus drivers, taxi drivers, bar staff, waiters - all complete strangers with the power to kill or maim us. When we realise how much trust we put in people we barely look at then perhaps it feels a little silly to fall into the trap above. There is no 'Us and Them'.

All a bit philosophical (or 'bollocks') but I've got my thinking hat on. I don't want to be victimised by people I don't know and who I can't alter. What do you think?

Mark X: My friend is training to be a pro wrestler. Despite being in what most people think of as a violent world he wishes no physical hurt upon anyone. Also he has the politeness not to disturb eveyone elses film (which was Tropic Thunder by the way). I have thought about I may react and I really do not know. I think I would have followed the same lines as him.

Craig: I see what you are saying. I think a bit of liquor may have been involved in this incident. I certainly smelled a bit of vodka on her. It is amazing how a slight chemical change can make a person behave so differently. How many incidents do you reckon would'nt happen if it weren't for the drink?

Ha ha - I haven't touched a drop!



Well people say that cutting down on the availability of drink would cut down on anti-social behaviour but if you agree with what I said above this won't be the case. There is the possibility of physical addiction of course but otherwise it is just an outlet. If you remove alcohol it still won't solve the problem of why people get self-destructively drunk. Politicians never seem to ask why people feel so unhappy that they act this way.

I decided some time ago that while there might be reasons for people's actions, they are not to be viewed as an excuse. In other words, the twat who punches you in the face for no reason might have all kinds of history that to some would explain or even perhaps justify his actions. Some would pity this violent person, and seek to be nice to, and empathise with them.

I am not of this mind. While I'm sure it sounds callous I don't fucking care if people were mean to you as a child and as a result you're also a mean fucker. Anti-social or inexplicably violent people just need to be put down, hard. Whatever your background you'll swiftly learn the lesson that to be a cuntface will also mean you're going to be gruesomely killed. I can't see how this doesn't work.

I am also a person that thinks rioters should be dealt with by a hail of bullets. I think it's pretty shameful that all the police can do is 'contain' people who are running around, throwing bottles, setting fires to cars and generally being bastards. Sure, they might chuck a bit of tear gas in there but from what I understand its mostly just thrown back at the police. I can't see many violent riots happening if it's common knowledge that you'll going to be fucking gunned down for your deviance.

My anger is directed at people like this, but I never, but never, instigate offense or otherwise provoke people. I generally conduct my daily life in a reasonable, unoffensive manner. Calling you a dick on the forum is a given, though, that doesn't count.

Oddly, one of the few things that makes me angry is people who get angry when there's no cause and / or they're in the wrong.
See comical and his dog drugs at the vet for an example.

Yes, yes technically some vets (and I do mean *some*) don't give out refunds as standard, however when your dog has just fucking died you would expect a modicum of compassion which was shockingly lacking. Now, if you think I was unreasonable at getting angry at my girlfriend's distress, brought on directly as a result of the vet's actions, then you'll just have to get seriously fucking angry at the way I conduct myself.

My points aren't really directed at how such people should be punished but rather our attitudes to the problem at large. I agree that someone who mugs an old lady or stabs a copper should receive a just sentence. Society has to defend itself against violence or we cease to have a society.

But doesn't mean that we should all become more violent or aggressive that would hurt society in a far more fundamental way than what some perceive as a slightly soft judiciary ever could.

The delightful cunt (for there is no better word that comes to mind) that hit and killed my mate, sped from the scene, and then burned out his car. Then he fled the country for pakistan for nearly a year before coming back and eventually handing himself in. He got 4 years.

4 years might seem like a long time to someone, but considering the maximum possible was 10, and given that he tried very hard to cover his tracks and flee, I struggle to see what kind of behavior would have justified the maximum sentence laid down by aforementioned judiciary.

I have mixed feelings about that. Part of me would like to let it go, and the other part would like to find him and run him over several times with a car.

I can't argue with that. It isn't any justice at all.

But perhaps you need to be a little more selfish and think of yourself - what that anger to seek revenge (if that's what it is) is doing to you, what this man is doing to you, everyday?

Easy for me to say obviously. Sorry for reminding you of it.

hmm, the drunken aggresive minefield. The majority of times I have felt genuine anger I have had enough where withall to know what the hell I am angry about.

I have been drunk a lot of times and the only times I have ever gotten angry are the ones where I went out knowing I was pissed off. Drinking was, to me, part of enhancing, and relieving, that process. Me and a different friend once smashed a load of bottles on a fence in a local park. Soon afterwards we were worried that if children came there the next day they might hurt themselves on the glass so we tidied up and put the shards in a bag and took them home. I guess I am not angry enough with things to take it out on other people.

The thing that worries me is if I had a sniper rifle and could pinpoint someone who had really caused badness in the world and knowing that if I pulled the trigger and would never be caught and a lot of things would improve I may well do it. Is that anger?

(wow lots of comments. I will post this anyway)

Don't worry, it's been a while and is no longer actively upsetting, its just one of those things that'll forever piss you off, albeit not in a way that affects your daily life. Mostly I just wish it hadn't happened.



No, that's me

The program was very interesting and I'll watch part 2.

Actually what I quite liked was the bit where he spoke to George Galloway. I can't say I'm a political fan of George, but I think he's an incredibly articulate man. He made some point about how a controlled level of anger can be assistive. This sounded about right to me, because if George didn't come across as pissed off while making his arguments he'd seem much less effective to me.

For all my anger it would take a lot for me to strike out in physical violence. Never unprovoked, mind you, I'd have to be punched myself first at least. The desire to maim those that piss me off doesn't manifest in me going out and buying a machete for the purpose. It would be highly worrying if it did, to all of us

The thing is, you'll rarely hear f anyone being punched in the face for 'no reason'. You might be punched in the face after a verbal exchange, because the other person is drunk, mistakenly recognises you for someone else, or because you 'looked at them the wrong way' To different people these are all justifications. To do so for 'no reason' can only be as a result of mental illness, surely?

I'd say even the 'what you looking at me for' attitude and lead up to a fight that you see around this part of London is bordering on a cultural mental illness - not a physical one, but one bred by a modern generation that feel victimised and scrutinised.

We know that any of these 'reasons' to fight are totally unacceptable, but then we are (mostly quite sensible people.)

My mother's partner put me through years of physical hell and abuse that I cannot even bare to think about or describe. he was an abusive drunk, a misogynist and bully. I do not wish harm on him - I wish to never see or hear of him again, but more than that I wish that he orts himself out. partly because he is a mess of a human people, and partly because if he does sort himself out then he will not inflict the horrors he did to me onto anyone else.

When I was a few days shy of 15, and decided I had to leave home because of it, I hated him. Actually, I may have wanted, or even wished him dead, but when my boyfriend picked me up from school a couple of weeks later, we drove past him. He was a mess, staggering in the street, off his face, filth down his front, still in his work (chef's) uniform. I don't know if he was dressed from that day or two or three days before, and I pitied him. What a mess of a human being and a waste of a life. My boyfriend wanted more to stop the car and pound him in the face but I wouldn't let him, so we drove past and that was the last I saw of him.

I think it was around the time of leaving then that i stopped ever getting angry. i don't think I ever really got angry before then, from what my friends say of me. If I was upset I'd just go very quiet, but never shouted in anger nor said nasty things to people, but I think maybe I had to grow up then, having just left home without anyone even seemingly noticing, my Gran was in a recovery home after a terrible stroke and I had no family to stay with, just my boyfriend though who was still older was, really, just a kid himself. I thin the effort and energy of being angry or blaming anyone else would have been counter-productive, wen you are so tired and it feels like you are battling the world at fifteen years old.

Someone at Uni once said I was the most chilled out person they had met. This is totally the opposite of reality. I am like a popcorn kernal in a hot pan when I am happy or excited, Craig may have said once or twice that I have too much energy, but don't have the time nor will to deal with things in an angry way. I don't like things that make me cry, when someone hurts yo so much that they bring you to tears, but I'd rather cry and feel sad than feel angry. Being angry seems to make people feel ill, I'd rather cuddle up to something ( ) or someone (... oh, er, no, not him ) to make myself feel better than to get myself all worked up about it.

Does worldwide shipping include America?

Hehe, that doesn't make me feel angry, just disappointed that the human race hasn't bred out such people by this point in time. Darwinsm seems to be a slow process.

I'm pure Lake Placid, me. In 99.9% of situations.

I do, however, almost explode whenever I mess up unimportant things. For example, if I was leaning over my PC desk and rummaging around in the extreme fire hazard behind it, unplugged something and then clumsily dropped it back into the entanglement, I would probably bellow "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFF" at the top of my lungs.

Yeah but what pray tell is your definition of "reacting properly"?

You know what it is, so you and your 'pray tell' can fuck right off, pal.

I have a furious temper, It however, rarely sees the light of day. I have spent the last 20 years or so controlling it. I occasionally flare up from time to time, but most of the time I am Mr calm. Obviously I get annoyed and irritated at stuff, and this sometimes leads to anger. But only in any normal sense. If I hadn't spent a good 5 years attempting to control myself as a teenager I'm pretty sure I would have killed someone by now. We are talking Hulk like levels of uncontrolled rage.

Malc

I know what you like to say it is, but what is it really?

I used to have really bad anger management problems when I was a child and teenager and did some terrible things. I've learnt to control it now, but I know it's still there.

It takes a hell of a lot to make me angry now, but if and when I do, keep out of the way for all our sakes.

Much of what myoptika says reflects my expereince. I've only really lost it once in the last decade, and I'm not proud of it. I tend to either let things go or seethe quietly. Of course, this means I can be a complete pushover at times.

Oddly the only thing these days that makes me needlessly angry is if I keep getting killed in a videogame which for some reason I have perceived as unfair. I can literally become apoplectic with rage for a few brief moments before catching onto myself and laughing at my own foolishness for not simply turning the stupid thing off or getting a fucking grip. Other than that I tend not to really get angry. I used to a bit more and I don't know, maybe it's getting older or maybe it's when truly bad things happen in life and put everything else into perspective but these days when I see someone getting angry over being thwarted by some trivial thing it seems to me truly, utterly pathetic. If someone cuts me up on the roads I might beep or make some gesture but I'm not actually feeling particularly angry, it's more just a communicative "now that was a rather stupid thing to have done, wasn't it" sort of message.

Good point about roads, Markg. There's something about the sense of isolation involved with driving a car which makes people a lot more aggresssive and self-centred than they usually are. You see this with parking: yes it's frustrating not being able to put the car where you want, but what makes you entitled to the stop vis-a-vis the 30 million other cars on the road.

These days, whenever I find myself cursing someone on the motorway I find myself reflecting that I too have done things that would annoy other people, and then snap out of it.

I'm a pot of boiling rage, at all times. Irish temper. In the last week I've smashed up five hundred quids' worth of laptop and printer, such was my anger.

I get pissed off because I've been lied to about the nature of the world, really. Growing up I was always told I'd be leaving the twats who bring me down behind when I go to big school/university/a job/whatever. Well, Mum - they're still here - and my sole motivation to work to this point in life was to get away from them. Why'd I bother?

When I spend my (hard, frankly) earned cash on something which does not work, or is served up wrong, I lose it as well - everything has been complicated - earning the money, budgeting the money, getting to where I want to spend it, queuing to spend it, e.g. cinema, and then what do you get?

I'm incandescent with fury over policing and services. I pay a shitload in taxes for coppers who are either ignorant or impotent, making the situation worse for me any time they are responding to MY need. This year our cars and others got written off, my first and weeks-old car, not half a day after I achieved my final and most important goal in a five-year plan that has seen me give up everything I had for something and someone I wanted. I had my dream and fought long and hard for it and held it in my hand for half a day. Half a day where I was on night duty at work. In the morning the police chased someone (they'd not bothered to breathalyse when they stopped him shortly before) into our cars. Seven months later the courts gave him five months, the thousands of pounds we lost weren't even addressed, the police 'lost' our statements and in the end, I've no justice, no money, no trust and no motivation to ever try that hard for anything again. Because the systems I'm FORCED to pay for to PROTECT ME AND MINE are a FUCKING LIE. So I'm being robbed by the state. Fucking yay.

I'm not seeking vengeance, I could have had him shanked over the wall if I wanted to, I just want my money for my car and the hundreds in lost earnings, I want what is mine. And perhaps something for my trouble, seeing as I've had the most depressing half a year I can remember. Plenty of anger on this front, as you can tell.

I'm angry that there's nothing I can believe in, no media is remotely trustworthy for information, which defeats the object, and rarely do I see someone in the flesh who can hold a conversation without regurgitating whatever crap the media has filled their heads with.

Fundementally, the world one is brought up to live in is generally not the world one inherits at eighteen, particularly when one's parents are very much older than those of one's peers. When tyour children ask 'why should I?' - be very careful with your answer - they'll be pinning their lives on it.

And, oddly enough, I feel better for having an angry fit. Much better. I don't bottle things up, I let them out, and there's a lot to let out. But once it is out I move on - until the next thing.



Goatboy, yesterday

Today's addition to Mr Chris's Comprehensive List O' Cunts:

People who, when driving along country A roads, dawdle along at 45 miles an hour if there's the slightest hint of a bend, but as soon as there's a straight bit or some form of overtaking opportunity, immediately accelerate to Warp 9.