Be Excellent To Each Other

Ah, that was you.

I'm happy to play again after Pete's done his writeup is you like?

I AM AMVIVALENT TOWARDS A NEW GAME.


However, it must be noted that I hate the way the mouse works in the game. I once accidently attacked an ally when I was just trying to move some subs, and he thought I was backstabbing him!

(Seriously though: I fired like one shot in the middle of the pacfic. It is the worse place for a "suprise" ambush. HE WAS CLEARLY A FOOL)

The UN chatroom, in the near future:

Empire of Sheepeh, Africa: "Let's have a war."
Empire of NervousPete, Eurasia: "Sounds good. Things are a bit cluttered, fancy a spring clean."
Empire of Fishcakes, South America: "Can I join in? I like nuking, me."
Sheepeh & NervyP: "Sure thing! The more the merrier!"

Defcon: "PARP! GAME BEGINS! PAAAARRRRP!"

Sheepeh: "Join alliance."
NervyP: "Heh. Okay, never done that before so why not. Don't betray me, okay!?"
Sheepeh: "Heh heh. Heh heh heh heh heh. Heh. Heh heh heh. Heh..... heh.... heh. Heh."
NervyP: "Heh."

Defcon: "ALLIANCE FORMED BETWEEN SHEEPEH AND NERVYP! PRIVATE EYE SHARES GO UP."

Fishcakes: "WTF? Cheers guys. I'm not playing fucking two on one."

Defcon: "FISHCAKES HAS LEFT IN MASSIVE IDIOT-HUFF, MISINTERPRATING POINT OF DEFCON TO BE A LAUGH, NOT A SERIOUS GAME, AND IGNORING INTRIGUING POSSIBILITIES REVOLVING AROUND 'THE PRISONER'S DILEMA'. PAAAARRRRP!"

CPU: "Hello, can I play?"

NervyP and Sheepeh: "Okay. We'll have fun comp-stomping you!"

Sheepeh: "FishcakesCPU is sailing towards me, South Atlantic. Intercepting."
NervyP: "I'm on my way!"

NervyP's fleet trundles slowly from the North Pole down to the Atlantic, barely clearing Iceland as ships begin to explode and sink in the FishcakeCPU, Sheepeh fleets.

NervyP: "Aw no, looks like I'm going to miss most of this mutually destructive naval battle. Heh."
Sheepeh: "Grrr."

Sheepeh despatches the bulk of the enemy fleet by using his land fighters and ganging up, two on one. Despite this, half his navy is destroyed. NervyP moves in to mop up the remaining enemy as it retreats to the US coast.

Sheepeh: "Thanks a lot, matey."
NervyP: "No problem. Hey, are your bombers scouting my country out?"
Sheepeh: *Cough* "In a sense..."
NervyP: "Shit, nukes inbound! You bastard!"

Defcon: "PAAAARPPPP! SHEEPEH HAS BROKEN ALLIANCE! PAAAARRRRPPP!"

RUMBLE-KA-HWOOM-OCKIE-OCKIE-SCHWAAAARK-RUMBLE! Four of NervyP's cities go up in flames. NervyP considers retaliating immediately with an all-out strike, but what's this...? FishcakesCPU launching a huge wave of bombers and a bundle of missiles from a sub fleet at Sheepeh? That's handy. NervyP instead opts to launch exclusively bombers from one carrier fleet and his continent at the line of radars and airfields in North Africa. They go up easily, with minimal losses.

Sheepeh: "MY EYES!"
NervyP: "Heh."

Satisfied that Sheepeh is chastised, NervyP goes for a sub-fleet of Sheepeh's subs but breaks off his attack quickly as he sees that the missiles are aimed at Fischcakes CPU. Meanwhile, FishcakesCPU lobs a few silo missiles at NervyP, as does Sheepeh. NervyP, on full air defence, only loses a couple of cities. Fishcakes only loses a few to the Sheepeh strike, however.

NervyP: "I hope you've learnt your lesson, Sheepeh. Truly, in international nuclear power-politics, one must be excellent to eachother."
Sheepeh: "I have learnt. Alliance?"

Defcon: "PAAAARRRRRPPPPP! SHEEPEH AND NERVOUSPETE HAVE MADE AN ALLIANCE. PAAAARRRRPPP!"

NervyP: "Great, I shall move my fleet off South America and prepare for a full drubbing of FishcakesCPU. There. That's my naval units moved away from you and my attention diverted. I trust you will help me this time?"
Sheepeh: "A-heh heh heh."
NervyP: "Goddammit."

Defcon: "PAAAARRRRP!" SHEEPEH HAS LEFT THE ALLIANCE!"

Fortunately, Sheepeh's second backstab is too flimsy to cause much damage, and NervyP's revenge is terrible! Mid South Africa goes up in smoke, leaving only a couple of silos and a half dozen undamaged cities in South Africa.

Sheepeh: "Shitsters."

NervyP: "Now to deal with FishcakesCPU!"

NervyP moves all his subs up to the West coastline of South America and his carrier bombers off the North East coast. He then launches everything he has, Silos and all, at Fishcakes CPU, in a rolling wave of time-on-target destruction. He makes an alliance with Sheepeh again to show him the wonder of devestation and missile trails. He also launches three nukes at his ally to rub salt into the wound.

KA-WAMMA-WAMMA-RUMBLE-WHOOOM!

FishcakesCPU is entirely wiped out. He plunges to the bottom of the scoreboard, Sheepeh a little ahead, and NervyP striding across the globe like Dr Collossus wearing a lead-shielded cod-piece.

Defcon: "PAAAARRRRRP! NERVYP IS VICTORIOUS! PAAARRRRRPPP!"

Sheepeh: "Shame Fishcakes didn't stick around. I was going to backstab you and ally with him."
NervyP: "Dickens, the irony."

Admirably forgiving each other for the mutual megakill of each other's citizens, they proceed to talk about EVE for half an hour. The end.

I guess I can manage one more. Give us a few minutes though.

No probs, Gaywood asks me to haul something for him anyhoo. 30 minutes ok with you?

Fine by me. Pod?

He appears to have buggered off.

Ooops! I was busying nyself whilst you did a war report!

I hope you cleaned up afterwards.

I was riffing D:

Are we on for another game? about 11ish?

Actually turns out Gaywood was a muppet and I can play now if you're ready.

Where's nervous poot?

Server is up.

On mah ways!

I really, really wish I hadn't downloaded Steam just now. It's just oh-so-tempting...

MUST RESIST.

Good news:

I have DEFCON up and running after comedy 'find the cd key' game

Bad news:

I am off to bed now. I propose an informal DEFCON Nuke em up some time this week.

I've got connection problems, could somebody print-screen the final score or something. Don't know if its the server or not, my wireless seems to be fine...

You: 91,
me: 89 (With two bombers in flight and 2 more nukes with no bombers ot ferry them ;()
Sheepeh: About 20.

It's as if, a thousand Beteo voices called out in Unison:

"NUCLEAR WARHEADS IN FLIGHT AND INBOUND."

Do it.

I HATE YOU ALL.

Shitting crikey!

That's one I'll tell my mutated grandkids by the fire! Both Sheepeh and Pod ganging up on me to rape my North America, from East and West, and I made it to a slight win.... yays!

And sorry Sheepeh. Heh.

The only reason I wanted more players is so I can sit by unscathed and pummel you afterwards. AND THEN THEY TURN.

If I wasn't laughing so much at it I'd have COMICALGNOMES LEVELS OF RAGE.

Sheepeh needs more players, attention, Sheepeh needs more players!

I genuinely laughed out loud. I really didn't think so many nukes of my counterstrike would get through. It was lucky it timed for the moment you both thought I was knocked out and were turning on each other. Had you forgotten about my sub fleets, or thought they'd been destroyed or something?

EDIT: Just got to add:

Sheepeh, excellent fleet battle there. You utterly nailed me and your bomber and fighter work was spot on. Ye've come far, laddy!

Pod: I fear you. Your destruction of my West coast was a thing of beauty. Though I had an airbase and two missile silos, it weren't enough to hold you off with the lack of a fleet. I toyed with the idea of sending my subs after your fleet, but decided against it.

The both of you:

Thanks for the rough-housing two on one, it was a sexy-fun time and I'd be happy to take you on as a threesome some other time.

I didn't think they'd make it there in time. Mine hadn't made it to the right area to the north of america yet :/ Slow basts.
I would have gotten more points, but I fired most of my nukes at his silos to a) Let you kill him more and b) to reduce the probability of a revenge strike

I wish my laptop would run this without stuttering horribly, or I'd join you.

waiting for the xbla version, last version caused my mac to do strange things

Man, now I really fancy a game of global thermonuclear war.

Defcon is percefctly playable at work... it even has a "work mode"

Just put up my podcast with an interview with the guys from introversion.