Be Excellent To Each Other

OK, so I keep mentioning my lovely friend who is a solicitor. I only see here about once every year or so, and every time I do she gives me a run down of all the people we know that are now in jail. One time she told me that one of the quietest boys in my class had gone to Prison for smuggling charges whilst he was working at Heathrow airport, the smuggling driven by his father who was a manager at the airport, they were sprung over that and if i remember rightly, embezzlement. Apparently he (the son) took the wrap.

Anyway, today's main story was a lad in my class that is now in jail for terrorism charges.

I googled it and it is true.

He's second from the left. Named there as Zia Ul Haq, we knew him as Mohammed Haq*, which The Guardian uses. Well, I don't know what to think

The ambiguity over his name meant it was a pain in the bum to Google, before I thought to put in a few other choice keywords

Oh, and here's Pritesh of the people smuggling story

Mimi you are Angela Lansbury* and I claim my £5.

*The Angela Lansbury of Crime rather than Murders I suppose.

No, but a mate of mine did have the greatest excuse for being late for work ever:

"Sorry, but I've spent the night in the cells under the Prevention Of Terrorism act."

Plastic BB gun + early nineties indie kid military surplus jacket and rucksack + concerned citizens of Watford + an incident at a military depot down the road a couple of nights previous in which a bunch of assualt rifles got nicked = enormous police operation including armed response teams, helicopters and officers being called in from several adjoining counties.

The way he tells the story, he didn't realise that there was an issue before he spotted five blokes in identical Kappa tracksuits watching him from outside the local cornershop. When he tried to walk past them, he got slammed up against the window and given a close-up view of several submachine guns.

He's still got the clipping from the local paper that reads "CRAZED GUNMAN TERRIFIES TOWN CENTRE".

I'd say he's exceedingly lucky to still be alive.

Apparently, if the BB gun had been in his hands rather than sticking out the top of his backpack, they'd have shot first and asked questions afterwards.

Did they charge him with anything?

Can't remember if he got off with a caution or they actually charged him with disturbing the peace. Bear in mind this was about fifteen years ago, before the police were in the habit of shooting people for heinous crimes like trying to use the tube whilst being a little bit swarthy.

No mates that I know of, but my Physics teacher got banged up for noncing.

Hmm, but they were in the habit of shooting Irishmen in possession of carrier bags since quite a while..

One of my schoolmates died from drugs.. don't think we had any terrorist geniuses like Mimi though. Or anyone of the name Mohamed.

Harsh environmental policy they have over there.

Some mates of mine got in trouble a few years back. It was even on London Tonight (briefly), something to do with 'supplying cannabis in North London and East Hertfordshire', although they still refuse to go into details. Their Dad was inside for a year, one of them had to do community service and the other got off scott free. How cool am I, hanging around with criminals?

There were a lot of Mohammeds in my school, which is why I remember their surnames as Mohammed ______, Mohammed ______. It's a shame, because he was a nice lad. Pritesh of the people smuggling story was the quietest, most unassuming boy I had ever met. Sadly, a number of my school friends died from drugs.

Is 'noncing' being a pimp? What's 'poncing'?

Noncing is fiddling with kids, poncing is the way I walk, according to my mate Matt the builder. But he changed his mind when I reminded him from the other side of the pub about his shrunken nut syndrome from steroid abuse.

Oh no! My friend's dad, also a teacher, was done for that

Terrible, terrible thing.

I thought one of them (a nonce or a ponce) was a pimp

I R PIMP.

Nonce = Kiddy fiddler.
Ponce = 'A friend of Dorothy' see also Southerners.
Once = Very thick Dulux paint.

I know several of my old classmates are in Jail, (or at least have been, they might have been released by now)

Two or Three were in for Armed Robbery after being caught robbing a post office with shotguns

One was arrested for stabbing our Maths teacher

One committed suicide (do you go to jail for that?)

and 3/4 went around mugging people so they probably got caught at one point or other.

That's just those from my class (of 31) god knows about the rest of the year and indeed the school!

Malc

Beyonce - Warbling bint.

For walking like MaliA? Harsh.

In fairness, the punishment IS the crime.

No, because you tend to be dead.

I thought that was 'mincing'.

Attempted Suicide is a crime.

Wasn't it once a capital offence?

Not now. It used to be, but that was some years ago, I believe.

Feyonce - Often a mistake.

This is correct.

It is an offence to make a suicide pact, though.

Yes, I think it is nearly 50 years or so since suicide has been a crime, but as Mr Chris says, I think that suicide pacts and assisting in a suicide are still criminal offences.

Isn't it murdering yourself though?

Also: So Malc's a liar then?

Where did I lie?

Malc

School mate banged up for committing suicide comment.

Also: In your bed! LOL

Malc asked if you go to jail for suicide, though as I said if he has committed suicide then he can't very well be in jail, so I think Malc menat that he had committed a crime, rather than was actually residing at his majesty's pleasure.

His majesty's? What is it, 1950?

(I know, I wrote the mistake I just corrected. I am astounded at my sillyness)

(Not really astounded, or even surprised. Heck, I do that kind of thing all of the time)

Who fancies a nice sandwich?

ME, PLEASE!

Dear Mimi,

My comment about Malc being a liar was merely a diversionary tactic to take the heat off me being wrong about suicide being a crime. I hope this puts an end to the matter.

Yours Sincerely,

Zardoz

Dear Zardoz,

I did not understand your motivation in doing such a thing. Please accept my condolences and the following piece of advice. When attempting to cover up your wrongness, do not exacerbate your level of wrong by adding a whole one pile of wrong on top of it. Two wrongs do not, after all, make a right.

Peace out.



Monkey, CEO Banana Enterprises.

[vote: Zardoz]

It is

This is because Mohammed is one of the most common Christian names in the world.

On topic: He only spent a night in the cells, but a guy I knew at college was banged up for a night for posting a flash movie file on a web forum that contained a message about wanting to assassinate the US president, but he'd mucked about with the file to make it sort of self-replicate and spawn popups of itself, and it caused quite a bit of hassle.

He did it on the college computers and apparently the IT department got a call from someone at the FBI or whatever asking what the hell was going on

I know, I said that in response to Kalmar who said, a few posts earlier, that there was nobody of the name of Mohammed at his school. The name may be extremely common, but in the UK it is only a very common name in some geographical areas.

It was a joke, Meems Heheh.

A joke? But why is that funny?

Is 'Christian name' the accepted term, still?

Mohammed isn't from Christianity, so it can't be a Christian name

Sorry, was more of a bad pun really than a joke, but I always like dropping that into conversation when I can

Oh, very puny. I meant punny.

Someone told me that originally a ponce was someone that steals money from a pimp and/or whores.

Anyway, a good friend of mine got sent to prison for fraud. He worked for the benefits agency and reactivated old claims - and redirected them into his girlfriend's account. What a stupid dick thing to do.

However, he is a friend and I stood by him, but making certain to tell him how pissed off I was about it and that he better not do anything like that again.

Another friend has a former classmate in prison on terrorism charges. His name is Wasim, and it was on the BBC website. My friend once punched him in the face and bloddied his nose in class, apparently