Be Excellent To Each Other

I thought there was a topic like this already, but my searches were fruitless. Either way, here's a new thread for tales of foolishness.

I was in a forgetful mood yesterday.

I left my last set of antibiotics at home, which annoyed me as they were my last day worth of dosage, that would hopefully signal the end of having to feel like rubbish. That was annoying.

But when I got home I realised that I had also left my keys in the flat. Oops.

I've lived there for a year and a half, and never done that before. Normally, not so bad, however at the moment the only other set of keys is with my beloved fiancee, who was/is in Ireland and doesn't actually get home until around 11pm tonight.

That meant I had to go round to a friend's place, where we watched the cricket, which is annoying as had I known that my keys were locked in the flat I wouldn't have gone home at all, but instead would have gone to the cricket macth that I watched on telly, since I had a free ticket for it that I turned down due to being tired and wanting to go home to sleep! Gah!

So I'm currently sat at work wearing a friend's shirt that is two sizes too small for me, and feeling like a tired and grumpy prize idiot.

Bah, and also humbug.

Here's mine from last Thursday.

The wife went in to hospital to have her tendon surgery and throughout the day I was able to call her on the exhorbitant Patientline scam which says "Welcome to Castle Hill Hospital, this is the patientline number for your missus, you can also buy stuff and gift stuff and please excuse us while we keep you on the line for a good few minutes at 50p a minute". I must have rang her 5/6 times throughout the day and then when she went in a few more times to see if she was ok.

She finally rang me about quarter to 6 and said she was out and that it had gone ok and visiting was 6-7. I got the details of where she was (Ward 8 room 5) and shot off to the hospital. I got me parking ticket and got in the hospital and up to ward 8 but could I fuck find room 5. I wandered about a bit but then realised it didn't exist so I'd probably got the wrong ward. I went outside the ward and rang the wife to check and got the message "Welcome to Castle Hill Hospital....". To which I went "oh FUCK"

Turns out I'd gone to the Hull Royal Infirmary rather than the actual hospital the wife was in.

Go me.

Recently I turned up to the airport 24 hours before I should have done. But hey, at least it wasn't 24 hours after I should have done!

Malc

I got married.

Other stupid things I've done include starting a redecorating job that I couldn't finish, getting into stupid amounts of debt, oh and I killed someone once

I think I speak for everyone whe I say -

Yeah, I think the first and last items bookend two rather weak in comparison 'stupid things'.

Not that getting married is stupid, but I think not quite right for you at the time...

When my ex-fiance said we either had to buy a flat together or break-up, I plumped for option 1 and bought a flat. Six months later, option 2 was enacted anyway. Stupid, stupid Zio.

Son of a bitch deserved it, he shouldn't have banned me from his forum for a stupid reason, should he?

I've never done a stupid thing I don't think. I'm sure I'd remember if I had.

Any ultimatum basically signals an end to a relationship, doesn't it? If I'd had that smacked down on me I'd be off. But, anyway, sorry to hear that, chap.

I once booked a hotel a month earlier than I should've, and didn't realise until a few days before I was scheduled to go away. Luckily I managed to get in at the same hotel for the dates I wanted, but obviously the full amount for the erroneous booking had been charged to my card by then.

Once, when going to Prague for a stag do, a mate of mine managed to book his outbound ticket a day earlier than was required, and didn't realise until he came to check in. We were amused, but I don't think he finds it funny to this day, the miserable old sourpuss.

Unless you count going all in with a 4 and a 9...



I once turned up to a Quantum Mechanics exam 24 hours late. Oops. I tried to construct some sort of quantum mechanics uncertainty gag here, but it wasn't working, so laugh at my foolishness instead of my wit.

Stupid? I just have GIANT BALLS.

The occasional visit to Madam Palm may help with that. Otherwise they may start to chafe.

Well... to be fair, it was me that enacted Option 2, not her. But it would've perhaps been better to have had the forsight that being effectively forced into getting into massive debt against my will and better judgement by the missus would not exactly strengthen my feelings towards her.

FTFY

Tried to negotiate the price on a new car with a Toyota dealership?

I just have GIANT BALLS.

Comical, yesterday

Ace has just done a stupid thing

Do you have a Yaris? Well do you? FTFY.

Give it a couple of months until half the country hasn't got a pot to piss in, and I'll get TWO for £10.

more realistic future scenario FTFY

You joke, but people are so put off buying massive trucks these days that many places in America (and I've seen at least one Ford dealership in the UK offering this) are offering a free brand new hatchback car with any purchase of one of their trucks!

Oil prices may well be heading back below the $100 mark.

Thing is, HUGE 4x4s in the US tend to run on gasoline (as opposed to diesel) and therefore guzzle the fuel down like nobody's business. And a lot of new trucks and SUVs (such as the Ford Escape I had as my rental car when I was in Toronto) specifically warn you that they WON'T run on E85, which seems idiotic to me.

Well it's not like E85 is much of a solution anyway.

Trusted someone else's judgement over my own.

Never again.

Go on, do it again.

Oh, alright then.






Edit: FUCK.

[gag I have done before follows;]

When you realised you were late you drove there so fast you got stopped by the police who said "Do you know how fast you were going sir?"

To which you answered...

"No, but I know exactly where I am."

Not put sunscreen on my back before going on an all-day catamaran cruise on the Caribbean sea.

Good fuck, it hurts.

Ocean Potion After Sun, with lidocaine in it, is your friend. Big bottle of blue goo.

This stuff.

"Allowing your girlfriend to chat with your internet buddies while you were away at sea"

mwah ah ha ha ha

You're assuming that was a conscious decision on my part.