Be Excellent To Each Other

I hope someone tested the plausibility of this thread last night by watching Barb Wire on Sci-Fi. I was so tired I even forgot to record it, which I did do with Equilibrium, which like everyone says, is portentous rubbish, but I did watch it all

Barb Wire is my benchmark average, 5/10 movie. In that it's perfectly watchable from beginning to end, but with nothing in particular that's good or memorable about it. It's just, just good enough not to turn off, but no more.

'The Happening' is being shown on our flight to America. I might watch it and see just how bad it is...

Eh? It han'd your cock?

Barb Wire is quite fun - especially the overhead shot of Pamela Anderson in the lift, where it looks like she is enjoying the close company of two bald men.

It's much worse than you think or else you wouldn't be considering watching it for any reason.

OBJECTION!

Depth? Superheroes? Seriously?

You need internal monologues to tell you what a character's thinking in a comic because it's difficult to show nuances of expression. In a film, giving you something of a window into what's going on in a character's head is pretty much an actor's primary job (unless you've cast Canoe Reeves, of course).

Anyway. Comic characters don't have depth, they've got backstory - usually sprawling, somewhat self-contradictory backstory that's a result of having dozens of different writers working on them over thirty-plus years of regular monthly issues. If there's a single classic superhero or villain who needs more than three sentences to sum up everything you actually need to know to be interested in that character, I can't think of them.

Films don't need to give you the character's history, they just need to get the three sentances across. That's why Batman Begins, the first two X-Men, Spider-Man, Superman, The Crow and Iron Man all work. That's why Ang Lee's Hulk, Constantine and all the Schumacher Batman movies don't.

I'd be genuinely interested to hear what superhero films put you off because you didn't feel they were deep enough.

What about Goonies of the Carribean?

I was fairly 'Meh!' about the first one (answering, as it did, the question of how you can do a literal hero's journey -- where the hero dies and comes back to life -- in a modern context with a resounding "You CAN'T!") and expected to be even less impressed by the second, mostly because him flying off at the end of the first made me think it was going to be Superman in shades. But I ended up really quite enjoying it and the end -- oh the end! -- was enthralling because, to my mind, Smith coming through to the 'real' world could only mean that it was, in fact, just another level of the simulation. What a horrifically brilliant switcheroo!

Of course in the third one we find out they (damn them!) hadn't thought of that, Smith really was supposed to have just plopped into someone's brain and ooooooh look! SPECIAL FX! LOOK EVERYONE! SHINY! [Grabs money and runs]

It's particularly disappointing when the movie you're watching turns out to be less cool than the one you thought you were being presented with -- the one that could so easily have been. As problematic as the new Star Wars films were (and as nonchalant about the whole Star Wars thang as I am, only ever really digging Empire as a kid) I maintained high hopes for the much vaunted Yoda-Dooku fight as I thought I'd clocked what they were up to -- because, obviously, they would have Yoda sat there, calm and serene, controlling his sabre with the force alone while a totally outclassed Dooku struck out in pathetically impotent rage. But no, they had to have him leaping around like a facking fraggle on acid after drawing his weapon like John facking Wayne. Still, at least they have the technology to do Gremlins In Space so we can all take comfort from that.

I Am Legend. Tonight. Shite.

Theatrical ending - rubbish.

Alternate ending - even worse.

Shame, as the first hour or so is okay.

Really? The alternate ending at least makes sense, where as the theatrical ending completely contradicts loads of stuff from earlier in the film.

But yes, it does go a bit downhill...

OOooh ooooh oooh mr peevley. A chance to put this idea to the test again.

Battlefield Earth, 2200hrs ITV4 tonight. Will you make it to the end?

Disclaimer - I will probably record it as I have Chuck and Heroes to watch tonight. And, thinking about it, IIRC Once Upon A Time In America is on Film 4 tonight as well. I will definitely be recording that.

So I take it none of you consumers of crap movies were prepared to stoop that low, eh? I didn't watch it either, tbh

I've watched it before. I stuck in there because I wanted to watch the Harriers go WHOOSH PEW PEW.

Fucking terrible film, though. Why do bad aliens always have big shoes?

It's to hide their bastard mismatch of hooves and tentacles. I thought that was obvious.

I want to see the hoovacles, though. Otherwise they're just Sixties throwbacks in bovver boots with wrinkly foreheads.

I have a few friends that fit that description.

Oh, I would have watched that if I knew it was on...

I watched "They live" recently, very slow starter and my Girlfriend didn't really like it, but I stuck with it, and although it was very cheesy I quite enjoyed it.

I also watched "Lucky number Slevin" Which doesn't belong in this thread so I won't mention it here.

Malc

"Lucky Number Slevin" was eyebleedingly terrible. However, its terribleness crept up on you during the film, as it started out promisingly. But by the end I wanted to KILL THEM WITH SPOONS. Especially that lead bloke - the one with the FACE. Gah.

But I watched it all the way through, regardless. Morgan Freeman's fault, really.

They Live! is awesome.

that was my main objection with Dexter. Any tv show or film with monologues is simply writing retarded on their viewers forehead

Pah, none of you watched Roadhouse that was on Virgin1 last night and true to my word once I found it was on I watched it to the end.

Oh and 'They Live' is a classic film.

BZZT WRONG. The Dexter monologues are excellence.

That entirely depends whether they are using the monologues to tell you things you should already be able to work out, or to add to the story.

i disagree. Zodiac was very good

As dirty as it makes me feel, I agree with Craster.

Everyone agrees with me in the end.


Now go find yourself a purty badger.

I watched 3 films on the way to the states, including The Happening so I could see how bad it was.

Christ on a bike, what a bunch of arse. Nothing happened in the entire film. Absolutely nothing, what genre was it supposed to be?
And as for that bird, (Deschanel?) her acting was so good, it reminded me of Liz Hurley in Austin Powers.

I watched Children of the Living Dead. Now that's a bad film.

There's a big difference between voiceover as exposition and internal monologues as a window into the mind of the principal character, particularly one who's main window onto the world is one that is necessarily poker faced and detached. Granted, exposition is a bit of a no no in script writing and I can understand an assumption that it is all bad, but sometimes it works if it's being written by smart writers. Hell, The Usual Suspects worked really well and that was pretty much dependent on exposition.

Dexter is good, if not one of the best shows on TV at the moment and being able to listen to the dichotomous internal dialogues of Dexter does nothing but enrich the show.

which punisher.... there were two.

Really?

Dolph Lundgren and Thomas Jane. There's another one out next year.

i do, but only because every rule has an exception. The rule that Craster is always wrong

I watched the Thomas Jane one, then.

Dolph Lundgren? Christ. Is it worse than the Thomas Jane one?

Yes. IMDb for 1989 Lundgren version. Also, IMDb for Dec 2008 rebooted film, with Titus Pull from Rome as Frank Castle.

Isn't that chap a cockney, though?

It's Dolph Lundgren ferchrissakes! I've seen Cigar Store Indians with more range.

Oirish according to his imdb profile

We have got to 7 pages and no one has mentioned Judge Dread.....

I used to ba avid 2000ad fan as a child, and the film well......

BANNED.

Great film.

How is it a great film?

It goes against the whole damn comic!! The chars were wrong, he took his HELMET off.

The plot was nonsence!! If Rico and Dread had the same DNA, whey did they look different???

if it was good why have they not made a sequal!!

Judge Death would be amazing, a sexy Judge Anderson.....


:gets of soap box:

It needed polishing. Anyway, he totally had the chin for it, and I'm sure Mr Dredd takes his helmet out to give it a good clean in the shower.



Would any Judge Dredd story *not* be noncesense?



Have you never heard of non-identical twins? Duh.



Because you can't follow perfection.

Non identical twins have different DNA. Duh. SCIENCEPWN.

Fuck me, I heard that one from here.

I'm not going to politely point out that every single line in my post was an absolute pisstake, as drawing attention to that would make you look a bit silly for missing a massively signposted joke, Gaywood. Instead, I'll give you the opportunity to work it out for yourself and then go back and edit your post to make it look like you're a bit sharper.