Be Excellent To Each Other

They are amazing on track, and yes they are full of driver aids, but you can turn those off and then it's even more incredible.

I've never tracked one, but surely the brakes are cooked and the tyres shredded after a few laps, Gaz? They're too damn heavy for prolonged track use, surely? Same sort of deal with an AMG Merc; I'm sure they have their attractions but that type of car just isn't for me.

I *do* love your Celica, though. Now that is filth.

Everyone repeats the same boring arguments against the GT-R. "Too many driving aids", "too heavy", "it's like driving a PlayStation", "the car may as well drive itself"

They all fail to take into account that the car was designed to have all of this stuff for a very specific reason - even the weight is precisely calculated to keep it finely balanced on the road. And 1,600kg (which I think is about the weight of it, or certainly the original, not sure about more recent model years) really isn't that heavy these days - hell, my Celica is 1,460kg.

It's a car designed to be used on track, while also having a softer side. The brakes and tyres don't get cooked after a few laps Ironically, my Celica's do, as I found out to the cost of a pair of perfectly nice trousers when approaching the end of the home straight at Silverstone at ~120mph.

//edit: 1,730kg, so about 60kg heavier than a similar-age M3 and a full 200kg lighter than an M5.

Yeah, about ~1800kg according to my sources which, I'm sorry Gaz, may well be lighter than an M5, but it's still bloody heavy for a track car.

Look, I'm not saying "it's shit" or anything even remotely approaching it; and yes, I've only driven one for a few miles (and that wasn't the best example, it being a pretty heavily molested one). But seriously, these big uber-saloons are simply not my bag, what can I say? They are just not my thing, I like effete, lightweight, girly cars like Boxsters, Caymans, Lotuses and MX5s.

Now motorbikes, well, that's a different matter entirely. The CVO is absurdly heavy and is an 1800cc monstrous black behemoth. So fook knows really. I am not a logical man.

I'm not particularly into Porsches, but that does look really nice. Except for the stupid vent running along the underneath of the bonnet, that bit looks a bit like a gurny smile. Otherwise, very nice.

"But seriously, these big uber-saloons"

Speaking of which (sort of), 2011-ish e63 wagons are getting mighty 'affordable'.

Obviously I'm only looking because I need the extra boot volume over the 5series touring. Which needs a transmission rebuild and also something to keep the magic blue smoke in.

Porsche seems to be a very divisive marque (IMO); perhaps there's still the whiff of 80s yuppie excess about them; I don't know. (Seems a bit unfair, if that's true, but perceptions be perceptions and all that, fairness doesn't come into it)

I honestly believe that if the Cayman S cost £100,000 instead of £50,000, was red and had a Ferrari badge on the bonnet, and was otherwise exactly the same car, people would be falling over themselves talking about the "beautifully made junior Ferrari" and stuff?

To me, whilst the colour might not be to everyone's taste (lulz), it really is a beautiful little sports car, and that's before you drive it.

Good to hear from you Bik!
Not much wrong with an E63 wagon, it's a beast of a thing and sounds better than just about anything this side of a hot Mustang! Enjoy these fabulous large displacement, naturally aspirated V8 gems whilst you still can, I say.

Unfortunately, there're a couple of engine-killers in there - snapping head bolts (one time fix) and another thing I've forgotten (lifters maybe?) that is a 'replace every 60k' fix.

They fixed the head bolts from the factory late 2011 and I believe never fixed the other.

But so, so tempting.

(As is reinforcing the transmission and upgrading the turbos on the 535d. There's something hilarious about the idea of a 400+bhp/600ftlb grey, automatic, diesel estate)

Eh? Turbos? Diesel?

Hang on, isn't the E63 a chuffing great atmo 6200cc (non turbo) petrol V8?

S4 has started nagging me for a service, 500 miles to go a few days ago, now 400 miles to go.

It was sold as 'SERVICED TO DATE' and I did note it was only about 3000 miles off needing its next service so not unexpected.

It's coming up to 50K so I'll just book it in and get whatever is recommended at 50K, at least I got the Mechantronic (gearbox) oil done as part of the original sale.

At the risk of tempting fate it's running perfectly and all is well, so hopefully it'll just be a 'fluid and filters' kind of deal, albeit at S4 prices.

Fuel isn't working out too bad at least, it's averaged 24.5mpg since I got it, which admittedly is about a tie with the Scooby in terms of the guzzlingest car I've ever had, but considering the performance on tap isn't too shabby either.

Part of me wishes they'd bring in a national speed limit over here, then there'd be no point whatsoever in having a fast car, and I could just get a Ford Fucking Fiesta 1.0 Ecoboost or something and keep it until it fell apart. I'd save a bastard fortune.

It is - the 535d I have now is what is tempting to keep and upgrade. At least I know how to fix (and have already fixed most of) the problems with that.

Freaky. I felt like someone had walked over my grave*.



*"Described what I am doing down to a tee"

Insurance renewal is due before the end of the month, got the letter in the post a few days ago.

It appears that the 'word-of-mouth' quote I got from the local broker of 'about £300' on the S4 was wildly optimistic, as the letter came through offering a premium of £456 with a local insurer having 'surveyed the market'.

Quick fiddle about online and Elephant managed £390 but Direct Line (who we've had our house insurance with for a decade already) came in at £377. (Interestingly, if you go to confused.com, my car doesn't exist, so it's impossible to get a quote on it. I suppose I could ring them up but fuck that.)

Went back to the broker and asked them if there could be any movement on the price, and said that whilst I wasn't expecting them to match online, I'd like them to get within £20 or so. Not only did the chap say he couldn't get close to £377, he was reporting his computer as serving up £473 as the best price, although he said they'd honour the £456 quote on my letter. (He was very polite and apologetic about it, and said come back again next year and we'll see if we can be more competitive.)

Needless to say I went with Direct Line, £377 isn't a bad price considering the S4's insurance group I suppose.

I don't mind paying a bit more to stay local, but £377 or £456 is quite a difference.

Cars are so fucking expensive, there's something to be said for just walking/cycling everywhere, or using public transport. I mean, I can completely afford the S4, it's not like it's ruining us financially for me to have the thing, but sometimes I do think about all the tens of thousands of pounds I've spunked on cars over the years, and wonder if the money could have been better spent. Blackjack and hookers, for example.

I didn't even learn to drive until a few years after I moved to the Isle of Man, back in Manchester I always got by with my feet, my pushbike, and the excellent public transport, particularly the Metrolink. (Well, and the Dad/Family/Friends Taxi Service, in all fairness.)

Took the car to the garage to get this exhaust issue sorted once and for all. He's 99% sure it needs a new catalyst - he's been quoted £2200 for a genuine new one. So he's recommended I try to find one online and they'll fit it.

Jesus fuck, for probably about a quarter of that you could have an entirely new custom exhaust fabricated with either no cat (which would be dodgy MOT time) or a sports cat fitted.

//edit: Give this guy a call and tell him Gaz sent you, and ask him how much it'd be. This is the only guy I trust with the Celica, their workmanship is second to none. https://www.mkautorepairsandtuning.uk/

Cheers. I'm currently looking at breaker yards to see if I can get one there. I've seen cheap ones on eBay (~£150) but I don't trust that they'll be any good.

Are they a legal requirement in the UK? When I had my 200SX I just got them to take both the cats out and replace them with a straight-through pipe kit.

Yep, it'll fail the MOT with no cat.

If the car was manufactured before 1995 and was a JDM import, then they're not legally required.

Any UK car that came with a cat from the factory has to keep it.

Swivel-eyed tree huggers!

Not sure that's true.

If it is, then don't tell the people doing the MOT on my Puma or Tomcat.

It's not true for motorbikes. First thing I did was take a chisel to the bloody thing; the bike had barely covered 20 miles.

Myp, get your car MOT'ed at Grim...s dodgy garage.

Catalytic converters aren't about greenhouse gases, they're about toxins; specifically reducing carbon monoxide and NOx compounds. NOx is particularly troublesome and are responsible for London's terrible air quality. The high street in Putney, where I used to live, would expose you to more than the annual limits by around noon on January first. It's nightmarish stuff, too. A paper last week found a strong correlation between exposure to NOx and incidents of early-onset dementia.

Does the test include "is it actually there", though? Or is it "Here are the emission levels it has to hit".

No, to my knowledge it's just an emissions check, but the emissions levels for each vehicle are set as such that passing without a cat is borderline impossible.

Puma FTW I guess

Although in fairness when I took it with the straight-through pipe he did fail it based on "I shouldn't be able to look up the exhaust and see the engine"

That'll be the noise regs he's hitting you with. Cars only have to pass the emissions test, cat or no. The 'visual' part is great as it refers to 'are there clouds of smoke coming out?' so it's an easy one to pass!

They're not a thing, are they? "Too loud" is entirely down to the opinion of the person testing, I thought?

Legal level is 74dB and has been since 1996 (was 82 dB before that)

The problem is how it's defined. From what I remember, it's defined as the level of noise that a car makes as it passes a testing station, rather than being tested stationary.

It is, however, completely illegal to modify a car's exhaust to be louder than it was when it left the factory (assuming it has type approval) - this (again, AFAIK) doesn't stretch to aftermarket exhausts, so if you replace the entire exhaust system with something aftermarket, that's fine - but if you modify your factory exhaust to be louder than stock, that's against the law.

Yes. There is a decibel limit but I've never found a tester that owned the meter required for the testing. I think the cops have them though.
Gaz's answer is better.

74dB as it drives past is really quite loud.

From what I can gather there's an "old" (recently superseded) noise standard/test method, and a new, more stringent one they're bringing in.

Does anyone know the test method for the old one, e.g. what speed, distance(s) from car for measurement etc., and whether the same test is applicable for bikes?

I've got four x £10,000 Type 1 Precision Grade Norsonic real time sound analysers if that helps anyone.

When you rev an engine next to a duck, does it echo.

The S4 offered up the information this morning that I need to add 1L of oil, but that I can carry on driving normally.

This is exactly 1552 miles after it last said this (I know this because I reset one of the trip computers at the time).

Arguably rather harsh in terms of oil use, although apparently some of the other Audi engines of this generation can use up to a litre per 1000 miles.

(I believe Audi eventually had to settle a lawsuit in the USA over excessive oil consumption in cars of the 10/11 era, which went along the lines of 'You're saying a litre of oil per 1000 miles isn't excessive? Get the fuck out of here'. There are some revised parts they can fit, or something.)

I'll add the oil when I get home, but it is quite annoying as it's getting serviced next Thursday at which point all the oil will get drained and refilled anyway. (There's no reason I couldn't drive it for another 9 days with it being a litre down, except that it'll mess with my head too much to do so.)

At least I don't have to keep checking it with a dipstick as the computer just bongs at me with a nice message when it wants oil.

be a rebel put 1/2 a litre in.. should last 9 days

Oooh yes that's a good idea, just to stop it nagging at me.

Until the sensor fails...

I am 95℅ sure I once read an article in a motorbike magazine about oil. They took three 1000cc sportsbikes, drained the sump, filled the petrol tanks and ran them at full throttle or 10k+rpm in a garage until the fuel ran out. They then took the engines apart and there was some wear but not catastrophic levels of damage. But, it could have all been a weird dream.

I've had a car engine literally smash itself to bits while driving along after the oil drained out and bits warped badly. It's not that fun.

Our (six month old) Mazda shat itself and needed a new engine.

Halfway through topping up the oil in my Golf GTI it started hammering it down so I rushed back inside. Unbeknownst to myself I hadn't replaced the filler cap. 20 miles later a clanking sound became apparent - yes, the engine was eating itself. I looked inside and there was oil all over the underside of the bonnet.

Took it to a garage and the first question was "do you want to keep it?"

My ( admittedly already pretty broken and old ) diesel Nova made some loud banging noises, ground to a halt and then would never start again

Basically oil stops the moving parts of the engine from touching the other moving parts. And that's rather important.

I just don't get why anyone would rely on the oil warning idiot light before topping up (which is possibly past the point of increased wear being incurred as a result of low oil pressure), especially if the engine drinks oil, as this one seems to. How hard is it to pop the bonnet and check the dipper every fill up/whilst topping up screenwash etc., it's a high performance engine after all, and the cost of a new 'un is horrendously high.

Mechanical sympathy, much? Crickey, if I did that on most bikes I've ever owned, they'd have been toast.

It's like cartilage in joints. You don't want bone rubbing together or you get intense pain.

It's actually quite hard with my wife's car as the dipstick gets stuck and needs a load of WD40 to shift it.... but yeah, I agree.

I must check mine this evening.