Be Excellent To Each Other

Your Dad fancies MaliA?

Please tell me that's a photoshop.

Nope. Real advert.

If I were him I would.

To be honest anything is an improvement since the bright orangeness of Emily Maitlace left for Newsnight. Self important orange cow who fancies herself as the next Paxman but in reality should be behind the perfume counter in Boots with the rest of the orange middle aged woman with loads of make-up. Oooh, it makes me mad. [CG Dimlie]

All orange women are useless and rubbish. It is a handy colour-coding in life. See also the teeth-grinding inducing Christa Ackroyd in Look North. Look North weather forecaster of champions Paul Hudson and the grinningly useless Christa had a severe hate/hate relationship. Culminating in excellent moments from Paul such as when she got back from holiday comparing her skin tone to orange racing car spray paint.

Also, story from Look North's Harry Gration, as related by Liz Robinson, Huddersfield Examiner columnist:



Y'know, Wales news is just rubbish by comparison. Or 'John Barrowman News', as we* call it here.

*'We' as in Me.

I like the orange bloke who does the business news on BBC Breakfast. He permanently looks as though he's just a heartbeat away from throwing down his notes and bursting into songs from the musicals.

But she's scary bright that one. I like women with branes

"The Hills are ALIVE with....spanish planes on fire."

My erstwhile employer has still not provided me with a proper VPN connection to a server we have at a clients site, so I'm currently doing my remote work via a Webex session to a desktop PC there. Webex bill by the minute and I've been logged in all day so far. The thought of all the money this is costing because our bosses couldn't organise a virgin sacrifice at a satanical cultists meeting is making me smile somewhat.

I wonder, is it possible to move to Oxford on £2,000?

I suppose if you took it out of the bank in pennies and strategically placed them, you could roll on their spines, yes.

You planning on going there so you can beg in McDonalds?

I hear MaliA's always good for a tenner or so, just be persistent and he'll cave in eventually.

Depends where in the city you want to live. Generally, North Oxford (Summertown) is the most genteel, East Oxford the most...vibrant.

The outer-lying towns such as Bicester, and Abingdon tend to be cheaper and are well connected by buses.

TOO SOON

My new camera has arrived, and while pissing about with it I've taken a nice angry-looking picture of myself and put it in my avatar. Your reactions will determine whether or not I leave it there. Grrrrr

TBH, its more of a "BELM!"

You look more sulky than angry.

You won't be saying that when I pull your eyes out.

I'm not sensing the anger. You've got some calm serial killer tendencies about you I think.

Also, according to your blog you haven't been angry for over 2 weeks. Pathetic.

Are you fucking kidding me? Two seperate things have made me angry today, I'm just too incoherant to put them into words.

Why were self-checkouts invented? They're a load of anger-instigating SHITE.

And this is me with my friend Osama...

What was the other one? Or was that just a passing reference to self-checkouts?

The other problem involves my cunting fucking power point in my car which appears to not work, so my new satnav can't fucking charge.

Rang dealer, they said 'you must have blown the fuse, replace it, if you make us replace it we'll charge you'. So despite the fuse looking FINE, I replaced it, and it still doesn't work.

Ring dealer back, they agree to come and get it to investigate, but then the frippery bitch on the phone says 'Oh, some of these cars are sold with ANTI-SMOKING PACKS which means the cigarette lighter point isn't wired in as it comes from the factory. If that's the case we could wire it in for you, but we'd have to charge you'.

WHAT THE FUCK? THE CAR DOESNT EVEN HAVE A CIGARETTE LIGHTER, JUST A POWER POINT. YOU'VE SOLD ME A CAR WITHOUT THE MOST BASIC FEATURES WIRED IN AND THEN THINK YOU'LL CHARGE ME TO PUT IT RIGHT?

WRONG

FUCKING WRONG.

They're ringing me back tomorrow to discuss further, the fucking fucking cunts.

to make stealing easier.

Wait, what the fuck? There are cars with cigarette lighters that they don't turn on? Good grief, forget warnings on packs, that'll get everyone quitting.

I refer the honourable gentleman to the previous answer.

THE CAR HAS NO LIGHTER, JUST A POWER POINT THAT APPRENTLY IS NOT WIRED IN? IN WHAT WORLD CAN THIS BE CONSIDERED AN ANTI-SMOKING PACK?

I'm worried about what I'm going to say on the phone tomorrow if they're anything less than immediately congenial and compliant on the phone tomorrow.

AND YOU THINK THAT YOU CURRENTLY HAVE SOME FUCKING PROBLEMS???????????

Yes, for me this is the end of the world. If I didn't have a job that would be the end of the world too. There is no granularity where I'm concerned.

Whiny too.

this?

The goggles do nothing!

huh?

That first one reminds of

First of all this is frightening:





And this is more frightening:



That's Sally Taylor from BBC South Today. Luckily the mighty Fred Dinenage is on ITV to ease the pain, the bloody legend.

Could you make yourself look just a tad more like one of those photos of murderers they show on the news? Think Fred/Rose West. Big glasses and using a flash may help.

Would he not end up looking like Deidre Barlow then?

Not without a fright wig.

I prefer this one instead. Can't remember where I got the idea from.

Now you look like someone that's been forced to have their photo taken in one of those cut-out things.

Looks gay.