Be Excellent To Each Other

Or devolves, whenever you speak.

Railings are irony.

It's Saturday morning and as usual I'm sat in the waiting room while my girls are dancing. There's a woman in here who hasn't stopped talking and the guy she's talking to has the patience of a saint. He's responded with "yeah.." and nothing else for 40 minutes now. She's really annoying!

There's also another woman who clearly doesn't like her daughter. She's done nothing but look on her phone and shouted at her since she's got here.

The girls are enjoying it though. They're dancing to Moana which amuses me as it's sung by the same guy who threatened to turn things sideways and stick them up his enemies candy asses in the early 2000's.

I need to start getting Punt and Dennis to something like that. Really need some structure to the weekends.

It might be a bit of a way to travel for you but I'd welcome the company in the waiting room.

We have taken to swimming as a regular Sunday fixture. Two hours in the local brine pool followed by a drive to a National Trust place with 30-60 minutes (nap occurs here).

Couple of hours split between buggy and a walk and then we’re good to drive home for a short relax, tea and bed.

Fuck knows what Darwin does while Mimi and I are out mind.

Block party

I am on a course. 8am online course on a Monday.

Grr why can't folks work out how to mute their fucking lines.... going to be a long day

Currently testing a new system for children's care and as such have been creating many dummy records. Had some trouble setting up a carer (Mother Hubbard, of 'A Shoe', Cornmarket, Oxford). Email exchange:

IT support: Which child are you trying to place with Mother Hubbard?
Me: Genghis Khan.

That shoe's gonna be a bloodbath.

I'm not entirely sure she'll pass the next inspection anyway.

I was creating dummy records for a system last week and had to stop myself from using my usual 'John Smith' as a contact, as the brewery we're building the system for might think we're taking the piss. Although Genghis might have made a mean landlord too.

Your periodic reminder that, before you put comedy values into test systems, you should think hard about what happens if those values leak into prod.

Like our test student account, a certain Mr. D Vader?

circa 15 years ago...

"Why does my website have "arse" written in the top left, Gareth?"
"Oh, that was just a debugging thing I put in and must have forgotten about - will remove it now, sorry!"

Fortunately it wasn't on anything particularly important or customer-facing...

...and obviously now I just use "banana in disk drive error"

While testing email filtering rules, I made a redirect loop, and crashed Cardiff's COMSC email server with millions of emails with a subject line of something like "why doesn't my fucking procmail work".

'banana' was always my go-to word when I wanted to test something would display on-screen.

Or comments in an install script about teabagging someone’s mum that get left on the desktop of a customers server.

I just use "asd" now.

Did you get a million replies back with "it fucking does"

I did something just last week, it was a kind of workflow thing for new starters, it was a bloody nightmare as it works its way around about six different departments depending on all sorts of crap. Anyway it sent out about a dozen notifications to payroll with the subject line something like "payroll action needed - name - blah blah blah" and then just "blah blah whatever" and a link in the body of the email. Fortunately I know them all pretty well.

I once created a calendar system for logging when charity events are occurring in our stores, and what's been done and how much has been raised.

They, unbeknownst to me created a little flash video of how to use the system based off the test data instead of the live data, and so the whole company still sees the sample events "Duck Hunt", "Duck BBQ", and "Duck Feast".

I hope your usual charity isn't the RSPCA.

The BASC totally loved it though.

I'm completely allergic to listening to voice mail is what I've just realised. I have an almost physical reaction when I try to press the alert and I've got as far as calling it but hung up after a couple seconds.

Same, so I downloaded an app that transcribes them for me. PF Voicemail+ if you're on Android.

You sir, are a God damn angel. Thank you.

Only took two and a bit months for this video to get made, but here's us winning the Nottingham Single Sex Tournament. 27.55 if you want to see me rip a double in the final.

Title of your (solo) sex tape.

The entire back row is empty, and she chooses to sit *there*, right in fucking front of me. For fuck's sake.

Maybe it's revenge for all the times you've blocked stuff out with your own head.

Put some yellow and black 'out of order' tape around it. Nobody will bother checking.

Put on a scary mask, tap on the window and shout "OooogaBooga"

I've had a pass through camera/screen system fitted. I'm not an evil man

Why does she have a screen in the back of her head?

It's a reflection. The projector shines through glass, causing a reflection to the back wall of the booth. This reflection can be seen in the window from where I'm sat. PHYSICS!

Now the main speaker has requested a lapel mic that he's clipped wrong so it's rubbing on his shirt. The life of a tech involves a lot of fiddling with tech-troglodytes.

He's standing at the lectern, but using a lapel mic and a clicker. Why??

He's ready for the song and dance section at the end of the lecture.

Thank god you explained that. I had no idea how reflections worked and thought it far more likely that a woman actually had a screen implanted in her skull.

Well, you did ask.

Transhumanism is a thing, now.

You've upgraded?

It'd lead to an interesting issue where if I slowly replaced bits of myself with robot parts, how much of my mind would have to be code for me not to be considered human?

Singham totally fell on the floor at the end of that flying slap.