I say it to all girls. It's a non-committal compliment which is unusual enough to sound genuine. The give-away is that I always say the same thing.

I've worn CKOne every day for about 4 years. I can't even smell it anymore, it's become so familiar to me.

Yesterday I bought a new teapot online, and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.

At first I couldn't get to sleep because I couldn't stop thinking about it, then I dreamed about it, and today I woke up ridiculously excited about it's impending arrival.

The teapot should help because caffeine.

Question: how do you wash your face without getting both your arms and sleeves soaked to the elbow?

gloves

In the shower.

I know (from your posts and tweets) that you've already chosen and decided on your teapot , but can I show you an alternative ?

http://www.johnlewis.com/sage-by-heston ... er/p489169

(ignore the brand name stuff) - Kettle with a small pot that automatically raises lowers into the water and it brews it for the defined time - has presets for a number of different types of teas and has a keep warm option so that if you go back for another cup its still at the right temperature

I genuinely don't understand how you could end up with water running down to your elbows when washing your face. Unless you were trying to do it without actually bending over and bringing your face towards the sink, but that would be madness.

Fuchs Silkolene Pro Race 10W50 for me.

Yeah, that's probably it. I look in the mirror as I wash my face. It's the only chance I get to look in the mirror as Russell hung all the others at Russell-height.

Ah, right, yeah: don't do that then. Unless you have some way to temporarily disable gravity in your bathroom.

Frankly I'd rather put it on a wireless charging plate.

Anyway, it cost £70 so I'd better be peeling Mrs Hearthly off the ceiling tomorrow morning.

Ffs. Looks like I have a 90 minute meeting starting at half four tomorrow. In Birmingham gham. So I won't get back until past half nine. First meeting is at 3pm so I might wfh then go in for that time.

No, wait - maybe it was Curio and Gaywood.

You Internet cunts are all a blur to me, frankly.

I bought a new Rampant Rabbit from Ann Summers today, as the motor in our previous one is getting a bit tired.

I was served by a rather mature lady who was quite content to chat about the various dildos on display, and she personally endorsed one called the (ahem) - MOREGASM, inviting me to grasp the shaft and twiddle with the ears to appreciate its impressive vibrations. I suspect that despite being 'of a certain age' she is perhaps still quite foxy when the mood takes her.

Anyway, it cost £70 so I'd better be peeling Mrs Hearthly off the ceiling tomorrow morning. The only reason I'm mentioning it here however is that it charges via USB as it has a built-in rechargeable battery. This sounds good but it does of course mean that you have to have a big fucking bright purple dildo hanging out of a USB port on a computer to charge the bloody thing.

It's currently charging discreetly upstairs, as I could do without Hearthly Jnr spotting it and asking what it is. This is not helped by the fact it has a flashing light on it to indicate it's charging.

Frankly I'd rather just have to put three AAs into it.

Anyway here you go - £70 to you guv'nor - #start=4">http://www.annsummers.com/sex-toys/sex- ... ml#start=4

Can't you just buy a plug like you have for a phone and plug your USB cable into that? We went a bit fancy in the kitchen and put in sockets with built in USB ports. You probably wouldn't want to be charging a dildo next to your microwave mind.

[a] USB [port on a computer] is only 500mA

I thought about fitting sockets with USB ports, then decided against at as if I did they'd instantly change the standard and they would be obsolete within weeks.

The only thing worse than having a dildo hanging out of the arse of a laptop is an exploding dildo.

A familiar face on bbc news...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/election-us-2016-35594007