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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 16:34 
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Grim... wrote:
Oh, I can't make it fucking work. Who knows how to move the posts?

Me. :DD

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 16:36 
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I fucking did it!

I AM THE MANLIEST OF ALL MEN THIS MAN DAY!

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 16:38 
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Grim... wrote:
I AM THE MANLIEST OF ALL MEN THIS MAN DAY!
Most days, to be fair mate. You're one of the manliest men I know except maybe for Rob (aka "American Grim...") [1] who is basically you but also owns many guns and his off-road truck is less badass but has the virtue that it actually works so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


[1] It's not just me, Facebook regularly mis-tags them as each other in my photos.


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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 16:38 
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Doctor Glyndwr wrote:
Grim... wrote:
I AM THE MANLIEST OF ALL MEN THIS MAN DAY!
Most days, to be fair mate.

But today's the day it gets judged, right?

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 16:39 
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No, that was Tuesday. And we both got beaten by the girls.

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 16:40 
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Mimi wrote:
I am not a man, but I have a mini man at my breast just now (not Russell) and if he could yet talk or write I'd feel proud for him to share his thoughts, fears and questions in this thread with such a wonderful intent and audience of friends.

You are both people I love incredibly and unconditionally. You and Russell have always been there for me and I am proud to count you as my nearest and dearest, if not family itself. Also I am very much enjoying to get to know the newest addition - Darwin is amazing. :luv: :luv: :luv:

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 16:42 
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On topic: hope anyone that needs it gets the virtu-hug or phone call or whatever they need to prompt action. I also hope EBG, as someone I know personally, gets a good prognosis for his ball ache.
I personally have no issues to man up over, other than getting some minor surgery attended to. Fear of doctors is common, mines more about fear of medical incompetency, but seeing as I have bupa I should really just get on with it.

Off topic: where did the posts go? Did you make a safe space somewhere, or are they just floating in actual space?

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 16:45 
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Two heads are better than one

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LaceSensor wrote:
Off topic: where did the posts go? Did you make a safe space somewhere, or are they just floating in actual space?


Thread in the members area


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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 17:27 
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Master of dodgy spelling....

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I suppose I am finding hard as for some stupid reason I feel so lonley

I have changed my life with all the training and my friends have not, so got less in common with them.

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 17:31 
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KovacsC wrote:
I suppose I am finding hard as for some stupid reason I feel so lonley

I have changed my life with all the training and my friends have not, so got less in common with them.


Is there no opportunity to make new friends through the new activities you're doing? I'm not one for organised activities in that sense but the people I know who are into running/rugby/whatever seem to meet people through clubs and whatnot.


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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 17:34 
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Master of dodgy spelling....

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that is the rub, I met my now ex through the Swimming and running club, so that is a bot awkward now.

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 17:39 
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Soopah red DS

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KovacsC wrote:
that is the rub, I met my now ex through the Swimming and running club, so that is a bot awkward now.

Stick at it, man-I moved job and house over a year ago finding a circle of friends is still a work in progress. It takes time, and you've had a setback, but every day is part of the process, and every activity you take part in is part of building a different life with new memories.


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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 17:56 
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KovacsC wrote:
that is the rub, I met my now ex through the Swimming and running club, so that is a bot awkward now.

I think one of the eminent universities just released a report saying that the two hobbies most likely to generate new friends were singing and dancing. So, join a choir, and if you can't sing, make sure it's a big one so you won't stand out. Or take up dancing, if you take it seriously I understand it requires a huge level of fitness, so could replace the running and swimming club

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 17:58 
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yes, i will get used to seeing her at the clubs I suppose.

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 17:59 
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Master of dodgy spelling....

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DBSnappa wrote:
KovacsC wrote:
that is the rub, I met my now ex through the Swimming and running club, so that is a bot awkward now.

I think one of the eminent universities just released a report saying that the two hobbies most likely to generate new friends were singing and dancing. So, join a choir, and if you can't sing, make sure it's a big one so you won't stand out. Or take up dancing, if you take it seriously I understand it requires a huge level of fitness, so could replace the running and swimming club


Dancing won't help with my triathlons, swimming and running does, but I like the idea

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 18:01 
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KovacsC wrote:
DBSnappa wrote:
KovacsC wrote:
that is the rub, I met my now ex through the Swimming and running club, so that is a bot awkward now.

I think one of the eminent universities just released a report saying that the two hobbies most likely to generate new friends were singing and dancing. So, join a choir, and if you can't sing, make sure it's a big one so you won't stand out. Or take up dancing, if you take it seriously I understand it requires a huge level of fitness, so could replace the running and swimming club


Dancing won't help with my triathlons, swimming and running does, but I like the idea


Ah, but swimming and running will help with dancing.

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 18:02 
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Master of dodgy spelling....

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DBSnappa wrote:
KovacsC wrote:
DBSnappa wrote:
KovacsC wrote:
that is the rub, I met my now ex through the Swimming and running club, so that is a bot awkward now.

I think one of the eminent universities just released a report saying that the two hobbies most likely to generate new friends were singing and dancing. So, join a choir, and if you can't sing, make sure it's a big one so you won't stand out. Or take up dancing, if you take it seriously I understand it requires a huge level of fitness, so could replace the running and swimming club


Dancing won't help with my triathlons, swimming and running does, but I like the idea


Ah, but swimming and running will help with dancing.



I could do sequins

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 18:09 
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KovacsC wrote:
DBSnappa wrote:
KovacsC wrote:
DBSnappa wrote:
KovacsC wrote:
that is the rub, I met my now ex through the Swimming and running club, so that is a bot awkward now.

I think one of the eminent universities just released a report saying that the two hobbies most likely to generate new friends were singing and dancing. So, join a choir, and if you can't sing, make sure it's a big one so you won't stand out. Or take up dancing, if you take it seriously I understand it requires a huge level of fitness, so could replace the running and swimming club


Dancing won't help with my triathlons, swimming and running does, but I like the idea


Ah, but swimming and running will help with dancing.



I could do sequins


We went dancing a few times, it was fun! Sadly, life got in the way but once the house is finished, we'll think about going again. Mr. flis got a lot of stick at work (he's a builder) but it's like water off a ducks back to him, he grabbed the MD and tried to waltz him around the boardroom.

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 18:36 
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KovacsC wrote:
I could do sequins

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 18:36 
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Yep.


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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 18:42 
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Master of dodgy spelling....

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ha ha...

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 18:46 
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Unpossible!

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Hey, you know that could have been much... much worse.


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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 18:48 
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We have a lot of shit going on between us don't we? Happy to help anyone, but won't be much use as I'm a Bipolar lunatic:)!


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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 18:50 
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Master of dodgy spelling....

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Dare i ask??

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 20:54 
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Back to dancing, oh man, if you can (ballroom) dance well-on a friend's stag do some years back, one place we ended up in for some reason had that sort of music on, so the one of us who could do it danced a lady round the room. He had a queue within minutes, while the rest of us looked on, drank and had no option but to talk to other men, seeing as all the women were waiting their turn with The Man Who Could Dance. Amazing.

On loneliness-sometimes I have that feeling, but equally I'm pretty much free to do as I please, so I see a lot of films, plays and art, and regularly the joy of that makes me feel there's just so much beauty in the world that it's a thing of wonder, so I'll take the former, remember it's transient, and remind myself that the latter is round the corner.


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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 21:48 
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Hi I'm Russell, and am also vaguely man shaped.

Mimi mentioned in her post that I've become more wonderful as a result (partly) of talking more and being more open. It's something I've always struggled with, as I think the way I was raised forced me to repress a lot of emotions or to not talk about things for fear of being derided. I've lived a lot of my life in my head, playing out situations before they happen, or after they happen, and then not even having the conversation with that person as a result, because I've already 'had' the conversation in my head, and 'know' the result. It's probably made me look sullen, or introverted, or just generally unpleasant, but yeah, it's something Mimi has helped me a lot with.

I found a thread on Reddit called 'Raised by Narcissists' and reading through all the top posts there was a revelation as to my upbringing and just how much I was put down, and my confidence dented. When I finally moved out from my parents' house at age 27 I adopted a 'fake it til you make it' type attitude which has over the last few years led to my appearing a lot more confident. I know it worked because people would tell me how much they envied my confidence, not realising I was so fractured inside.

Now though, I feel a lot better, and have even looked in the mirror and thought 'hey, you look pretty good'. That was a big step that day, because otherwise my thoughts were full of how horrible I was, how lonely, and how ugly, and how I'd always be on my own, or when the relationship I was in was going to end because Mimi would realise who I really was.

I've also spent a large amount of time in my employment being at risk of redundancy due to various roles disappearing, or the company being bought out (at one point, almost two years straight), so I have terrible issues with security in my employment. I am a (great) programmer, in charge of the only system that makes them money (rather than being a service to the rest of the company), and it's only getting bigger as we sell it more and more, so I know I'm invaluable, but I still worry that one day they'll get rid of me, and I'll have no way to support my family.

In summary: confidence issues; Mimi is great.

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 22:33 
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Thanks for sharing Russ. You are amazing.

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2015 22:55 
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Surprised at the amount of people here who have (or had) depression on here. It certainly doesn't come across in how we communicate, but I guess that's half the trouble in a way.

I've had a tougher than average year this year as you know and a fairly common side effect(?) of having a heart attack / surgery can be depression. I can't say I have this myself but I'm aware I've been very up and down emotionally. I'd certainly have no qualms asking for medical help if I thought my moods were getting out of my control. Thankfully I've got a brilliant set of people around me who have helped me bounce back to pretty much how I used to be. In hospital (and home) I thought about how tough it must be for people to go through tough times on their own, either because they're without a support network or are too afraid to ask.

Hope you all the very best of health, mental and physical.

Never be afraid to ask for help.

And never hold back from calling a cunt a cunt.

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2015 1:25 
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chewbacca -future arc welder

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Good on you future Warrior for starting this thread, it and the posts from others have really affected me and made me think. I for one hope that this remains a place where people can come and speak openly and honestly at any time, not just men's day! I don't know if I will contribute or not yet, to those who have; you have my respect and support for all that it's worth.
Beex has become a bit of a haven for me, I come here to get away from things and people that are, quite frankly, not as bloody excellent as you lot and threads like this one really cement that feeling. Thanks :)


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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2015 15:18 
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This thread has been brilliant and I'm glad it and the forum exists.

Like everyone I've had my ups and downs but I don't think I've ever had to dealt with any major mental health issues. I've done stuff in my life that I'm not particularly proud of but I couldn't be happier than I am now as I've got a beautiful wife and amazing children.

I guess I'm lucky but I've always been laid back and never let things get to me. I know this isn't always possible for some people so yes, take everyone's offer for help. In any case, I'm glad I've got people on this forum that genuinely care.


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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Mon Nov 23, 2015 11:26 
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sneering elitist

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Late to the thread because of being away but I just wanted to say how awesome it is that so many people popped in and added their experiences.

I lost my eldest brother to suicide, nearly 16 years ago now. I strongly believe that had he felt like there were people he could talk to - had he felt like he would still be "A MANLY MAN" for talking - he would still be here today. So keep talking. If you can't quite face talking to a trained professional (which is something I regularly do myself) talk to someone, anyone that you can trust.

I am usually around if anyone wants to talk.

:luv:

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Mon Nov 23, 2015 11:55 
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Master of dodgy spelling....

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Jem wrote:
Late to the thread because of being away but I just wanted to say how awesome it is that so many people popped in and added their experiences.

I lost my eldest brother to suicide, nearly 16 years ago now. I strongly believe that had he felt like there were people he could talk to - had he felt like he would still be "A MANLY MAN" for talking - he would still be here today. So keep talking. If you can't quite face talking to a trained professional (which is something I regularly do myself) talk to someone, anyone that you can trust.

I am usually around if anyone wants to talk.

:luv:


yes you have had me moan at you in the pub :(

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Tue Nov 24, 2015 16:40 
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I'm not a man and I don't know any of you personally so I thought about if I shouldn't post anything
but I would like to say, though I don't know any of you personally and don't post a lot, I do read a lot
and pretty much all of you seem like such nice people and I think this is an amazing initiative and I hope it helps everyone
and please find someone to talk to, because talking things through can make a huge difference, from helping to organise your own thoughts to getting them mirrored back in a slightly different way with ideas how to go proceed

I struggle with anxiety and depression, have done for a long time, and I know when I'm doing worse I get more and more quiet
which is the exact opposite of helpful
so a few weeks ago when I drove on the motorway and noticed I thought about letting go of the wheel, I went and got a referral from the gp
I had a first session with a psychologist last week

even though I'm a bit messy in my own head atm I'm pretty good with listening to other people so I'm also always available if anyone wants to message me :)


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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Tue Nov 24, 2015 16:41 
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miki wrote:
I'm not a man and I don't know any of you personally so I thought about if I shouldn't post anything
but I would like to say, though I don't know any of you personally and don't post a lot, I do read a lot
and pretty much all of you seem like such nice people and I think this is an amazing initiative and I hope it helps everyone
and please find someone to talk to, because talking things through can make a huge difference, from helping to organise your own thoughts to getting them mirrored back in a slightly different way with ideas how to go proceed

I struggle with anxiety and depression, have done for a long time, and I know when I'm doing worse I get more and more quiet
which is the exact opposite of helpful
so a few weeks ago when I drove on the motorway and noticed I thought about letting go of the wheel, I went and got a referral from the gp
I had a first session with a psychologist last week

even though I'm a bit messy in my own head atm I'm pretty good with listening to other people so I'm also always available if anyone wants to message me :)

:hug: :hug: :hug:

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Tue Nov 24, 2015 17:11 
SupaMod
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miki wrote:
I'm not a man and I don't know any of you personally so I thought about if I shouldn't post anything

Haven't we met? I'm sure we have.

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Tue Nov 24, 2015 18:48 
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no unfortunately not
we have virtually known each other for a long time though :D

thank you Future Warrior for the luv, and for starting the thread for the quiet boys :)


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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Tue Nov 24, 2015 22:28 
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Master of dodgy spelling....

Joined: 25th Sep, 2008
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I find writing stuff down helps.. Keeping a diary and scoring my moods over the day.

I have to admit the counselling this is hard, proper screws me up for a week. it is like having your emotions running riot.

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Wed Nov 25, 2015 10:06 
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KovacsC wrote:
I find writing stuff down helps.. Keeping a diary and scoring my moods over the day.

I have to admit the counselling this is hard, proper screws me up for a week. it is like having your emotions running riot.

Yep, but it's going to be better for you in the long run, as opposed to bottling it all up. Keep going mate!

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Wed Nov 25, 2015 15:37 
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Master of dodgy spelling....

Joined: 25th Sep, 2008
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Thanks.. I will get there.

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Mon Nov 30, 2015 15:14 
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Master of dodgy spelling....

Joined: 25th Sep, 2008
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Location: shropshire, uk
I have been diagnosed with depression, this year gets better and better..... I not on pills, just got a good counselor and exercise.

At least i have a name for it.....

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Mon Nov 30, 2015 15:16 
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KovacsC wrote:
I have been diagnosed with depression, this year gets better and better..... I not on pills, just got a good counselor and exercise.

At least i have a name for it.....

While that sucks, it's good that you've sought help and had it recognised. I'm sure it'll just be a temporary setback due to your situation, and you'll be back on track before you know it. :hug:

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Mon Nov 30, 2015 15:17 
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Master of dodgy spelling....

Joined: 25th Sep, 2008
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yes managed to royally fuck things up with my ex last night...

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Mon Nov 30, 2015 15:18 
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KovacsC wrote:
yes managed to royally fuck things up with my ex last night...

I'm sorry to hear that. I'm always around if you need to chat.

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Mon Nov 30, 2015 15:21 
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Master of dodgy spelling....

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Thanks :)

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Mon Nov 30, 2015 22:00 
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Joined: 30th Mar, 2008
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Location: Shropshire, UK
Likewise dude, if you need a shoulder Jem and I are only around the corner :)


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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Mon Nov 30, 2015 22:03 
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Master of dodgy spelling....

Joined: 25th Sep, 2008
Posts: 22533
Location: shropshire, uk
GazChap wrote:
Likewise dude, if you need a shoulder Jem and I are only around the corner :)


Thanks mate.

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MetalAngel wrote:
Kovacs: From 'unresponsive' to 'kebab' in 3.5 seconds


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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Fri Dec 04, 2015 12:29 
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Master of dodgy spelling....

Joined: 25th Sep, 2008
Posts: 22533
Location: shropshire, uk
It feels bad, but I am still not coping, Read a good term for anxiety. 'Imagine if every small decision felt like it had life or death consequences.'

What i have done is contacted my ex too much, as it was in my head that i needed to make amends, even though i don't want to date any one yet....

My weight has dropped to 14 stone 13, i think i need to eat more

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MetalAngel wrote:
Kovacs: From 'unresponsive' to 'kebab' in 3.5 seconds


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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Fri Dec 04, 2015 14:34 
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sneering elitist

Joined: 25th May, 2014
Posts: 3991
Location: Broseley
Silent Kovacs wrote:
It feels bad, but I am still not coping


You say that like this has been going on for years and treatment after treatment is failing dude - but it's not, and this is all fresh and new. You've only just started to take steps to deal with what's going on. You will probably go forwards, feel better, step backwards, feel shit (maybe even several times) before you feel like you're back in control.

Christ knows it's taken me 18 months to start to feel reliably stable some of the time and that's with the support of a counsellor, Gaz and people like you guys who are just wicked awesome :kiss:

Give it time, be gentle with yourself. :luv: And grab me later if you need to :)

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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Fri Dec 04, 2015 14:50 
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Master of dodgy spelling....

Joined: 25th Sep, 2008
Posts: 22533
Location: shropshire, uk
Cheers hun :)

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MetalAngel wrote:
Kovacs: From 'unresponsive' to 'kebab' in 3.5 seconds


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 Post subject: Re: International Men's Day
PostPosted: Fri Dec 04, 2015 14:59 
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UltraMod

Joined: 27th Mar, 2008
Posts: 55715
Location: California
I'm only just now coming out of a major depressive episode that started about two years ago, so be patient mate.

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Thank you for your patience.


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