Be Excellent To Each Other

I feel an increasingly isolated. This doesn't please me.

Oh, and I'm currently on tje way to hospital having aquired some fairly horrific pain last night GP had no idea. I am worried.

Happy Mans Day.

Good vibes to that man.

EBG, get over yerself, man.

I'm sorry about this. You are a good friend of mine and I feel bad we don't see or talk to each other as often as we might. Just know I am always here if need to talk about anything or even if you're just feeling lonely.


Fingers crossed it's nothing serious. Please keep us updated.

I don't know this Elephant person, but I like this post and I like everyone except that cunt.

I'm not here often but I'm always available to talk or answer questions about medications. Just tell Doc G.

Cwtches to everyone,
Danielle

Anyway...

I'm not a man but I have two sons and a boyfriend, and he also has two sons. I have a house full of men and men-in-training so it's important to me that men feel they can share their thoughts and problems with someone. My kids talk to me about things, the eldest also talks to his girlfriend about things he doesn't want to talk to me about! I know though as they get older, they will naturally talk to me less, there will be things they feel they can't speak to their girlfriends about too. I'd be so glad to know they had people like this to talk to and get advice from without being judged for not being 'a man'.

Yo Doc - Danielle's always available to talk or answer questions about medications.

You and Rich were amazing when I split up with Ange. I will never forget it.

This is great. You are a wonderful mother and person.

Just to be clear, please don't ask me about medications. I am a doctor - but not one that helps people.

Seriously though I think this thread is wonderful. If IMD can give men an avenue to discuss mental and emotional issues, as has happened in this thread, than I think that's fantastic.

I know I post very little now (against my wishes - work Internet!), but I still care about you all, and my thoughts are with all who are struggling.

Edit -- o/

Not linked on the first post - but related and I've seen this tweeted out a few times today

http://www.biggerissues.co.uk/

\o

We miss you a lot. You are a brilliant person and hopefully one day you can return in an increased capacity.

But don't go getting fired to achieve this.

Hello, I'm Nick, and I'm vaguely man-shaped.

I don't tend to do much in the way of talking about stuff, but I entirely approve of the motivation behind this thread, and I can make someone out there go 'it's not just me' or similar, I'd like that.

I imagine most folks know that I officially separated from my wife three years ago (and four days, counting chums!). I don't tend to talk about it, partly because I'm not much of a sharer, and mainly because I don't think it's particularly fair to talk about someone who a number of you knew and counted as a friend without giving her the opportunity to provide input. So I'll keep this fairly abstract. We were together for fifteen years, which was basically the entirety of my adult life. We split up, mostly at my urging, because over that time we'd grown into very different people than we were, with different wants and needs. Which is pretty understandable, we were kids when we met. I strongly believe I made the right decision, still - but I do know that I was really not expecting how difficult it would be for me to transition out of the life of a long time married, very settled man with a nice house, garden, and pets.
Mainly, I walked out of there woefully underequipped to deal with loneliness. I think I always underestimated the importance of having someone there each and every day reminding you that you're their choice for a life partner. I never spent any time on my own as an adult, and I really think there was a whole load of emotional development that I missed out on in my early twenties that is so much harder to do now. It's tough to reinvent yourself completely in your mid-thirties, and to actually work out what it is you want out of life. It feels a bit like having spent 15 years in a cryo tube or something, and I do spend an amount of time going 'now what'.
It's been a difficult process for me, and I'm a long way short of having got through it. I've made some poor choices, and I've been a bad friend to people on a number of occasions, but I'm incredibly grateful to those who've been there as a friend for me, it's made an absolute world of difference. I found out last week that my ex is 9 months into a new relationship. I'm really very pleased about that, it certainly helps with chipping away at the guilt I carry around over how everything ended up - but at the same time it makes me hold up a mirror to some extent and realise that actually, she as a person was way better equipped to deal than I was, even though it was me that walked out.

I don't have depression. Just baggage, and a few issues trailing here and there. But that's nothing that isn't fixed with time, and the help of good friends.


Basically what I'm saying here is that everyone should go out and get drunk and ride a mechanical bull.

Thanks for this topic Myp, and thanks to everyone for sharing personal stuff. Here's mine.


Some of my postings over the past couple of years have referred to a problem with a relationship that I was struggling with and was causing me a lot of stress, grief, and possibly some form of depression. It was very hard for me to approach the couselling service at work that first time, and whilst I found the sessions helpful, after I had used up my allocation and declined private sessions I spent much of 2014 in an even worse state than before. At its most serious I had several panic attacks, but I would often come home in tears, or not sleep, and on one occassion even collapsed in tears in the office. Most of my time when I wasn't otherwise distracted involved obsessing over the situation. All of this climaxed in an extremely scary emotional breakdown on a moor causing me to abandon a solo hiking holiday, head home, and have an emergency telephone counselling session followed by another series of face-to-face ones. They ended in late December, and whilst the early months of this year were still quite shaky with a massive dip in May, they helped me get over the worst and since the summer I've been on the up and haven't had any relapses. I actually think I'm the happiest I've been for a long time.

During that second round of sessions, we finally worked through the underlying anxieties and issues surrounding the situation, especially my long-term denial and repression of my sexuality. I hadn't discussed that first time round. I'm now a lot more relaxed, happier, and open about being gay. I'm still the same person, but I'm no longer lying to myself or anyone else and feel all the better for it. I've also made major changes in my life, have met a whole new crowd, doing more things, and am also getting a lot more exercise (haven't quite got a sub-20 minute 5k, but getting close!). I've even gone on a few dates!

Looking back, perhaps I should have gone to the doctor or gone for more help during the dark days of 2013/14 but approaching the service at work was hard enough. I'm very grateful for the support I've received from close friends (including you guys) throughout all of this too. Finally, I certainly don't know why I put off accepting with who I am for the whole of my adult life because at times I feel like I've missed on a lot of things but then attitudes have changed a lot in the last decade and those younger than us don't have the same hang-ups.

Thanks Nick, I appreciate this is especially difficult if you're not used to sharing your personal stuff. Good on you, mate.

And no matter what bad decisions you've made or think you've made, you've always been brilliant to me to me especially considering the complete arse I made of myself at Trooper's wedding and I'm proud to know you. I consider you a very good friend.

Thanks for sharing this. I'm so glad you're more accepting of yourself and your sexuality, and that this has led to you being much happier. This is brilliant stuff and I'm so happy to hear it. You are an excellent person and I'm glad to know you.

Likewise, buddy.

FUCK YEAH YOU SHOULD!

@Kern:

I am going though a dark time at the moment, the doctor thinks i have mild depression brought on over the last five week.

My current relationship ended 5 weeks ago and I am currently going though counselling, to find out why I and my past keeps fucking things up. My best friends mum has died, she helped bringing me up through my college and uni years.

I have not felt grief like this and i am not coping well.

One thing that makes things awkward, is that my ex is part of my swimming and running club, so not really getting chance to heal...

(god I sound wet)

On a plus side I have discovered who are my true friends...

Well, Kern, I had no idea you were gay until your post just then, but I'm glad to know now just because I count us all as honoured to be friends that you are open with. I hope you continue to be open with not only us but the world and, most importantly, yourself.

I am not a man, but I have a mini man at my breast just now (not Russell) and if he could yet talk or write I'd feel proud for him to share his thoughts, fears and questions in this thread with such a wonderful intent and audience of friends.

I don't care what my little guy grows to be, as long as he is happy, and I think being able to leave outdated silent, strong masculinity behind and be open about hopes, fears, mistakes, desires, depression and who you truly feel yourself to be are key to this.

I am sure Russell will not mind me saying in his behalf that I met a wonderful man but think that over the last four years he has become even more wonderful, and I really think this is because he had learned to talk and be open about discussing things. I think it is the key to happiness and (personal to us) the key to our happiness in our relationship. From that I hope to take the most important aspect of our relationship into our growing relationship with our son. I hope he will learn as he grows that there is nothing he should feel the need to hide it keep quiet. I hope he will talk to his dad and I about all his hopes, fears and feelings whilst he grows up. I shall try my darnedest not to impose any ideals of masculinity on him, but let him choose for himself as soon as he is able. When he grows and no longer wants to talk to his mummy about certain things I can only hope he finds a group of friends like you all to talk with, openly and honestly as you all have done here.

I'm really sorry about this and sorry I haven't been in touch recently. Feel free to ping me at work any time. I am always happy to listen. I am glad you've been to the doctor and I hope you're feeling more positive soon. Just remember you are great and now you also look great too!

it is ok mate.. not felt like talking to anyone.. hence i dropped off here too..

I am trowing myself into to training and spending time with my son, i am slowing doing my house up.

Will post pics of my Batman themed bathroom soon.

Congratulations, Kern. Like Mimi, I had no idea you were gay until just now. I know from friends that coming out is just about the most difficult thing (relatively speaking) that people face.

I love each and every one of you. You're all ace in your own ways, and you all deserve to be happy.

I have no massive problems at the moment, other than a mild worry I drink too much (but then I just read one of the quiz night threads and feel like I'm basically temperate), and vague dissatisfaction with my career (I have, however, accepted I’m never going to be a fighter pilot and can now move on), but life's good overall. However, when it isn’t I am utterly, utterly rubbish about talking about things. Part of me just doesn’t see the point, but then when I do end up talking about things I feel better (mainly because Ruth, not being an idiot, has noticed I’m upset about something and has made me talk about it – there were a couple of particularly low points a few years ago, mainly due to severe stress from work plus young children, which I didn’t cope too well with). Who’d have thought it, eh? So – moral of the story (such as it was) is to keep talking.

I'm going to move all this shit too. Stand by.

Me.

I fucking did it!

I AM THE MANLIEST OF ALL MEN THIS MAN DAY!

Most days, to be fair mate. You're one of the manliest men I know except maybe for Rob (aka "American Grim...") [1] who is basically you but also owns many guns and his off-road truck is less badass but has the virtue that it actually works so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


[1] It's not just me, Facebook regularly mis-tags them as each other in my photos.

But today's the day it gets judged, right?

No, that was Tuesday. And we both got beaten by the girls.

You are both people I love incredibly and unconditionally. You and Russell have always been there for me and I am proud to count you as my nearest and dearest, if not family itself. Also I am very much enjoying to get to know the newest addition - Darwin is amazing.

On topic: hope anyone that needs it gets the virtu-hug or phone call or whatever they need to prompt action. I also hope EBG, as someone I know personally, gets a good prognosis for his ball ache.
I personally have no issues to man up over, other than getting some minor surgery attended to. Fear of doctors is common, mines more about fear of medical incompetency, but seeing as I have bupa I should really just get on with it.

Off topic: where did the posts go? Did you make a safe space somewhere, or are they just floating in actual space?

Thread in the members area

I suppose I am finding hard as for some stupid reason I feel so lonley

I have changed my life with all the training and my friends have not, so got less in common with them.

Is there no opportunity to make new friends through the new activities you're doing? I'm not one for organised activities in that sense but the people I know who are into running/rugby/whatever seem to meet people through clubs and whatnot.

that is the rub, I met my now ex through the Swimming and running club, so that is a bot awkward now.

Stick at it, man-I moved job and house over a year ago finding a circle of friends is still a work in progress. It takes time, and you've had a setback, but every day is part of the process, and every activity you take part in is part of building a different life with new memories.

I think one of the eminent universities just released a report saying that the two hobbies most likely to generate new friends were singing and dancing. So, join a choir, and if you can't sing, make sure it's a big one so you won't stand out. Or take up dancing, if you take it seriously I understand it requires a huge level of fitness, so could replace the running and swimming club

yes, i will get used to seeing her at the clubs I suppose.

Dancing won't help with my triathlons, swimming and running does, but I like the idea

Ah, but swimming and running will help with dancing.

I could do sequins

We went dancing a few times, it was fun! Sadly, life got in the way but once the house is finished, we'll think about going again. Mr. flis got a lot of stick at work (he's a builder) but it's like water off a ducks back to him, he grabbed the MD and tried to waltz him around the boardroom.

Yep.