Be Excellent To Each Other

I was wondering, you know, if erm, you could possibly think about, hmmmm, how to put this, erm yeah if you could not ermmmm leave all my personal details on a god damn train!?!?!?!

Well I came on the train with a folder with all your details on but course I didn't take it off with me, that would just be silly wouldn't it!?!

What do you mean a train isn't a high security storage facility?

If only they'd put porn on the disk with the details I would never forget where I put it!

Its not my fault, the journey was SOOOOOOO long and I was all sleepy and dreamt of unicorns and so I couldn't wait to get home and pet mine

I thought my butler would carry it off the train for me

I'm just going to admit it, I hate this fucking country and all the silly fuckers in it so I left it on the train on bloody purpose HA!

I needed a wee wee, I was really desperate!!

What do you mean this was real peoples details? I thought we were still playing the sims!?!

Well we could have made the disks more secure but I was going to be late for that round of golf...

I went on the train and and and ....those commoners, were breathing near me and everything, I just had to get away

Big Brother was on and I forgot to sky plus it and my maid doesn't know how to set it, stupid bloody foreigners....

It was a slow news day so the Sun paid me to leave them there??

I'm just fucking stupid

Yes.

Gonna be one of those Wednesdays today, ain't it?

Vic Reeves: And remember, if you do leave things on trains, please try not to leave things on trains.

Bob Mortimer: That's your advice then is it. To not leave things on trains?

Vic: Yeah.

Bob: I'm sure they'd love to hear that again.

Vic: Really?

Bob: Yeah.

Vic: Okay then. (Assumes smug authoritarian face) And remember, if you do leave things on trains, please try not to leave things on trains.

MY ADVICE: A picture of a young Julia Swahala should be fixed to the front of all important train bound documents.

Describe in single words only the good things that come into your mind about... your mother.

I left my heart in San Fra*dies*

My mother?

I'll tell you about my mother...

I leave umbrellas on the train all the time. Well, not any more I don't... but that's just because I've run out of umbrellas.

You do not have sufficient security clearance to be party to that information. Please, take work-work pills and return to station, Friend Citizen.

Shush now, you'll wake her.

This was actually posted by a friend of mine, just in case you guys were thinking it's a spam post or something.

Interesting choice of introductory post, but a post all the same.

Welcome Mr.CRIHOW - do stay and have a look around and maybe even post some random crap.

Aye, poke about a bit Mr Crihow and see what you think. And welcome.

I think we should steal a train and leave it in a civil servant's lobby. Situationalist comedy!

I found an umbrella on the bus the other day, quite a nice one it is too.

And! I saw a lady leave hers on the tube! It was quite busy and I didn't want to chase after her (by the time I'd mulled it over she was on on the platform already) so I just called out and slung it out the door at her, expertly aiming through the crowd and hitting her in the middle of the back

Lost property is the bane of any train operator customer service dept's existence.

Quite often after doing our best to advise them and still being shouted at with, 'but this laptop/briefcase/umbrella/pair of gloves/bag is CRUCIALLY IMPORTANT TO ME!', we'd simply say, 'with all due respect, if it really is that important, why weren't you taking better care of it?'

In London it is monumentally shit though.

Person - "Hello, I left my rucksack on the train. Is there any chance it has been handed in to Lost Property?"

Customer 'Services' - "Possibly."

P - "How can I find out."

CS - "It might be taken to Cannon Street Station."

P - "When might it get there?"

CS - "Don't know."

P - "Do you have a rough idea? A day? A week? Do things get thrown away?"

CS - "I wouldn't really know."

P- "Okay, I guess."

Person goes to Cannon Street Station, as it's not too far away.

P - "Hello. I was wondering if I could check if something has been handed in at Lost Property?"

CS - "What?"

P - "Lost Property?"

CS - "We don't have one."

P - "I was told it was here, at this station?"

CS - "Nope."

Person phones up train operator again. Gets told that it might be at Cannon Street Station, but could not possibly be somewhere else. Apparently there's a big room there. But there isn't really.

After a while, person gives up.

I genuinely believe that there is no Lost Property service for South Eastern trains, and defy anyone to find proof that there is.

Something is not right there... you were travelling on a Southeastern train, to a station they operated? If either of these isn't true, you might need to contact another train operator.

Our policy, f'instance, was that the lost property went to whoever operated the station which was that train's final destination.

Thanks for the welcome, you know I like to dive right in and have little or no social skills so using a general hello to start things off is totally out of my range

You're going to fit in here just beautifully

The forum in-jokes:

Grim... is a millionaire with butler.
Tam is literally a goose.
Curious Gnomes is constantly enraged with a terrible fury.
Dimrill is an alcoholic warrior-dwarf with a two-foot long, proud, stiff ginger beard.
Myoptika killed a guy once, but it was a 'justifiable homicide'.
chinnyhill10 will quite possibly gut you if you insult Alan Sugar. None of us have ever dared try.
Mr Dave isn't terrifying.
Fake It is a 17-year old friend of Sinister Agent, but otherwise is boring and unremarkable.
LaceSensor ironically can never tell when his shoes are untied, and consequently is always grumpy from falling over often.
Jonarob.
Finally whatever you do, no matter what, avoid the one they call CUS at all costs, and don't let him talk to you for too long.

edit: oh, and Sheepeh you know already. We hate Sheepeh, so I hope you're nothing like him.

Darn, I need an in joke about me.

I am really poor at racquet sports, I wonder if we can work that one in somehow.

You want to be a batty boy?

Oh wait, that's Cricket. *looks at Myp*

Satire FIFY.

One of them was basically just either lying to save themselves any effort, or just being ignorant. My rucksack wasn't worth much (it had my football kit in it), so I didn't care enough to pursue it.

You must be thinking of someone else - I don't like cricket.

And you call yourself English?

I love it

Malc

oi!
Malc

What? I'm allowed to finish off my own well-crafted joke if I want.

Pfft. You merely expressed an opinion. I made it a joke.

You mean you weren't playing CoD that time when I came back drunk from the cricket? Ask Mr Dave, he had to mute me.

Ah, man, that sounds well funny.