Be Excellent To Each Other

Iron Man was more likeable and humorous than in his own films.
Hulk and foxy ginger gorgeous oh my life I love her so much woman romance was really great too. I was super disappointed when dude cleared off at the end for no reason at all in typical blockbuster fashion.
"Go to sleep" was ace.
As was the groaning guard when Iron Man shoots him and his mates with bean bag rockets (or something).
The cocktail party was hilarious and, frankly, I'd happily sit through some sort of sitcom where they just lounge around in a bar all day talking about stuff. It was natural, hilarious and that black guy who plays Iron Man knock off suit guy was great too.
I don't care much for Hawkeye and his family.
The action sequences were great insofar as I could tell exactly what was going on most of the time. Not so many quick cut aways or overly produced special effects gets a thumbs up from me.
EXCEPT when Thor pulls that woman out the car which was tumbling to earth from the floating city. It looks like dreadful green screen rubbish and was a bit jarring when it happened.
I couldn't care less for the two enhanced persons. I couldn't give a shit when Speedy Gonzales but the dust.

My four biggest complaints are as follows:

I "get" the main thrust of the story. Ultron is bad; kill Ultron. Nice and simple. Everything else was a confusing mess of bullshit. How come Thor takes a steam bath and suddenly knows the score? It wasn't explained beyond "This is the only special puddle on earth" You didn't have any trouble finding it "Everyone who goes into the puddle dies or some shit" Argh, lightning is pouring out my body. Minutes later... I'm back and know the fate of the world. Everyone: ok, cool.

Mind control girl's powers were terrible and not explained at all. Speed Gonzales had speed. Iron Man has a suit. Hulk is green. Captain America has a groovy shield. Mind Control Girl controls minds.

... and shoots swirly red bullets out her fingers. Wha? And does a red explosive area blast. Wh? And has a red shield laser thing which she calls out of mid air with her swirly laser powers. Right, you've lost me know. She can control your mind? Yes. Well sort of. Ok. And has swirly red powers? Yes. From where? Her mind. Right, just fuck off, she's boring.

Jarvis Robot Man was terrible too. One: he looks dreadful like he's been designed by someone who is colour blind. Two: He has indestructible skin made of the same stuff as Captain America's shield, right? And shoots a laser out his forehead. So why was he so fucking boring and barely helpful in the fight with Ultron? Who cares. He doesn't even really have any dialogue with Iron Man that might have been funny or something. Which leads me to my last problem:

The New Avengers Team: DO NOT MAKE A FILM WITH THOSE GUYS. Would you look at them? Really. Just look at them. Not an interesting character amongst them apart from sexy ginger ninja who, frankly, needs her own film. Do a film about her where she does a lot of scuba diving in a wet suit or is like a female anti-James Bond and stuff and I'd watch it. More film with red swirly mind control girl? Go fuck yourself.