Be Excellent To Each Other

It's Robert Redford!

Huh, I thought it was Zach Galifianakis.

At first glance I thought it was Jaime Lannister

It's from a 1972 film, Jeremiah Johnson.

I was trying to work it out, but failed.

You sit on the horse and fire the gun

Congratulations. 1Up.

Bayonetta if it's a girl.

Bayonetta Zayn Cod.

I tell you what I wouldn't mind a bit of (understandably subjective) opinion/experience/ideas on, and that's birth locations.

I have the option of a home birth, which I don't really fancy, hospital birth of birth on a midwife-led unit.

has anyone opted for a midwife-led unit? It's about a quarter of a mile from the hospital if any transfer is needed, and from the pictures at least it looks lovely: privacy, large room to your family, birthing pools, etc, but the midwife said that the one thing that counts against it is how quickly you are moved out - you tend not to be in longer than 8-10 hours before being sent home, whereas you get 24hrs care afterwards in hospital. Obviously this is just my midwife's thought an opinion.

I'd not really heard of a midwife lead unit before, and wondered if anyone had any experience and whether it was good or bad experience

I would follow the advice that Grim... is probably going to provide.

Because Grim…...

Hospital.

Is the best choice, do you mean?

It is my initial feel for safety's sake as there are doctors and surgeons on hand in case. I just wondered if it was because I had never really considered anything other than hospital before being presented with a choice (as I never really knew there was a choice outside of the home birth/hospital decision.)

The only thing that has made me think about it is the opening of options by the midwife (who has not overtly said, but I have the impression that she is personally more in favour of the hospital option) and the one thought that I just can't stand hospitals, like most people I guess.

Yes.

You've already ignored Grim...'s Guide To Babies advice #1, but advice #2 is "have it in a hospital".

I think MrsA was in a midwife led thingy.

Both of mine were born in midwife led units *inside* hospitals. Both water births, too.

I wouldn't have wanted my wife to go anywhere but hospital and our experience was fantastic.

Wow you guys, huge congratulations

I'm sure for the next few months you'll receive all kinds of unsolicited baby and parenting advise and bump rubbing! If you are given an option for where to have your baby, then that means all options are open to you at this stage. Go for whichever one you feel that you'll be most comfortable with. You'll be monitored throughout your pregnancy so continue to take on board the advice of your doctor and mid-wife because things can change. It's been a while since I had any babies but we got a tour of the hospital to see the birthing suites etc. You said you don't generally move in baby and child-rearing circles so when you go to your NCT group, there'll be people in there that are much more aware of the all the options in your area so speak to them.

One thing I will say though, is that birth plans have a habit of changing. You need to keep that in mind and don't get too hung up on things not going exactly how you idealised. You don't like hospitals but you should consider the idea that you could end up giving birth there.

You guys will do great, enjoy these months together

Congratulations to you both

Mimi - I was terribly ill with all my pregnancies so I know what it's like to have an extra bit of worry on your shoulders BUT I have two beautiful, scarily cheeky children now and that puts it into perspective (for me at least). I'm not sure they were worth the 9 months of vomiting each but HEY, you take what you can get

As with all the choices you will find yourselves presented with over the coming months (years) everyone will have wildly different opinions and some people can get SCARY protective of theirs, but for the two you've asked so far:

re: where to birth... I personally had my first in a hospital (wasn't my 1st choice, long boring story) and hated it - felt like a piece of cattle that they wanted to process and get rid of as soon as possible. I had my 2nd in the midwife-led unit that I had wanted to have my 1st in, but only because I bribed the senior midwife whilst I was *in labour* by stating if they didn't let me go there RIGHT AWAY I would have it at home unassisted. That did the trick. Despite a complication with the cord (easily sorted by the midwife but felt bloody scary at the time) it was a more peaceful, relaxed birth and I felt 100% in control all of the way. No regrets about my bribing

re: pushchairs... we bought a travel system for the first and ended up using the car seat but I opted for a sling after 6 weeks / exclusively carried my second. I think I would have rather put the money into a better car seat (and ultimately have spent a fortune on car seats because I 'extended rear-face') and then seen how I felt about pushchairs after the birth, especially as the choice is enormous. One thing you probably will want to do if you go down the pushchair route is TRY THEM OUT in the shops, because they certainly ain't made equal.

Good luck you guys

I'm not sure you understand what bribing is.

oh yeah, baby carriers. Highly recommended and much easier than taking a push chair everywhere.

I think the several packs of jelly babies I provided says otherwise (I was trying to be brief having already waffled on... )

Which reminds me: find out your midwife's late night shift snack of choice!

Our NCT people had a sling library to try them out.

look for nearly new sales and go to them for stuff. It us all lightly used. Use Lobay.Co.UK to find job lots of toys and clothes.

Friends will buy you shit tons of clothes straight away.

You can never have too few muzzlin cloths.

Store packets of wet wipes upside down to retain moisture.

Ask friends to bring over a lasagne or something if they want to visit. You will appreciate it.

Don't be afraid to say "no, I am knackered" and turn away people if they don't bring food.

If anyone mentions babysitting, thank them and write their name down in a book straight away. This will be useful later.

New born are without malice but dumb as rocks and can only communicate by screaming. Shit at cards, too if you want to make some easy bankroll.

Anything said between 11 PM and 7 am does not count towards anything, ever.

Other people's houses will be messy, too,,they just hide it when you visit.

You've done this before haven't you Mali?

I plagiarise a lot or "stuff I wish I had known"

What if you don't have any? Is that okay?

Dunno. Reavers?

Is #1 not to have babies?

Yup.

You know what, they said we almost certainly couldn't because of my medical past, to the point that the NHS wouldn't fund trying via IVF, so before the start of this year that's where we were, but we always just had that little bit of maybe, not even hope really, just mor a dream.

It still doesn't seem real. I kept thinking they'd scan me and there'd be nothing there, or something else, something bad. I still cry to think of it.

It may be my only chance, and there is so long and such a hard way to go. It scares the heck out of me that I won't be able to see it through, but I'm blessed to have even got here.

And I get tummy rubs - one as I was typing this in fact, but it feels like magic. The chance to even think that in some months we may have a baby feels like the most magic thing.

You didn't find anything odd about a midwife's favourite snack being jelly babies?

So how about the winner of the next Mafia scumm game gets to choose the baby's name?

Only fair for us to help out the expecting parents by doing such nice things.

Also Mimi and Russ am so happy for you guys, just read mimi's post above with regards to ivf, didn't realise what a even more amazing thing this is.

So now Russ has the most important job in the world, keep Mimi as happy and relaxed as humanly possible for the next however long (19 years isnt it?).

Mimi - your excitement about this baby is almost contagious! Luckily my son just shit his pants and reminded me why I don't want any more.

Hahaha

I think my best advice is to remember it's all going to be ok and to not be overwhelmed with "I'm having a child" because it doesn't all come in one big swoop.
You're having a baby first, you don't need a high chair and stair gates etc etc yet, that all comes later and you don't have to look into all of that at once
Small baby first, and the things that go with that and then look at what happens after 3 months, 6 months a year etc. You don't have to know it all (or have all the stuff) in one go and you will grow into it and grow with your baby and they don't know anything either
I found a mummy forum really helpful when I was struggling it's nice to read 50 responses say "yup I had that - totally turned out ok"

Mr Mimi might like this site https://www.dadgear.com/

I'm very much counting on it's immobility for a number of months to stop me even have to consider buying many things until some weeks in. I want a baby bath, a pram/pushchair (I have seen the slings/carriers etc and they look great and we may well get one, but when Russell goes back to work and I am at home with the baby for some time I want a way to get down to town and do a bit of shopping... I don't drive and I doubt I'll manage to do much shopping with a baby strapped to my chest and laden with bags of groceries, with 30 mins to walk each way.

But apart from obvious things (somewhere to sleep, a way to get around, clean the baby, etc) I hope to stay more to the way my cousin Darren and his girlfiend were when they had their first (both my male cousins and their partners were pregnant at the same time. One went mad with every type of gadget and expensive gizmo under the sun. I have never seen so much stuff... and the others just got what they needed. They seemed so much calmer and more relaxed).

See, 'diaper' bags are not something I wholly get. My sister bought one to match her (ridiculously expensive) pram (because, at the time, you were nothing in Chiswick without a Bugaboo' and it was about £140. When I look at the bags (traditional ones and those rucksacks there) they just seem like normal bags that by calling them 'diaper bags' you can charge 5x the price for.

Plus I have a voucher for Boots for a free changing bag and mat if i buy a pack of nappies. It's plain black, and I am sure will do us.

'Diaper' bags tend to be wipe clean all over, for obvious reasons.

Pockets for bottles, wipes, nappies. Etc

I had the flaming skull bag, it had a changing mat with it.

I did buy a diaper bag for about 20 euros
I've washed it in the washing machine once or twice and it was thrown clear of the car in our accident and still served me well every day for about 3 years

also immobility is amazing! you just put the baby down anywhere and it stays! so practical

you can also get loads of stuff second hand and we bought our pram multi thing in some sort of "last years colours" sale pfff like I care

For the first one I would choose a hospital, not suggesting that thingd will be anything other that fine with your first but its better to have everything you need around you.

As my son was 2 weeks late he passed his Meconium (first sort of poo) in the womb, this can be nasty so he had to be transferred to a pediatric station for checks, he was fine and this was just a precaution.

Also after the birth my wife had blood pressure readings that were of concern for around 30 minutes, this was due to the drug they gave her (normal procedure) to pass the placenta.

Everyone is different, I was just glad we were in a hospital for our first and people we needed were at hand

But, really, they are crazily overpriced. Also, my current backpack (silver, awesome, cost about £12) has about a billion pockets, is wipe-clean and waterproof, has pockets to hold drinks (bottles) front flap with about 5 different sections and pockets and inner dividers. I've looked at those ones on that site and it looks exactly the same.


Similarly, my sister's diaper bag looked just like my wipe-clean insulated picnic bag, which also had all manner of pockets and dividers for holding bottles and cans, and cost under £10 from M&S (or was given away free if you bought 4 picnic items).

I guess I don't have the money to pay large amounts of money for things so heavily marked up because they are marketed as something special.

It's like knitting: 'Blocking mats' cost £35 for four. The exact same product sold as the foam interlocking puzzle tiles that you can use in kids rooms, or the garden (or sometimes marketed for interlocking floor mats under gym equipment) can be bought from supermarkets for 2x4 for £10 in the summer, with the rest of the kids garden toys. I can see whay they purpose them, give them a new name and charge stupid amounts of money, but £140 (£100, £70...) is expensive for what is just a bag.

I'll look for one in Miki's price range. Well, I'll just get the free one.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Angelcare-AC201 ... =angelcare

Use this for nappy disposal

We never bothered with one of those. Nappies always went in bags and straight in the bin outside. It didn't save a fortune but it saved £8 straight away.

As for expensive bags, my wife bought one which she used a couple of times. It was just too big and cumbersome! I'd stick with your bag. It sounds much better.

My sister had one of those - it did seem to be a big step up from nappy bags in terms of stopping smells at least.