Be Excellent To Each Other

"No Sir, I don't like it"

/image of that horse from Ren & Stimpy

If you ain't knowing this is a little PS+ game given away last month for the PS Vita. I've no idea whether its had a full price release before or what the price tag was but I'm going to say, um, £12.99 at digi-retail? Probably.

Hang on, digitail? Digirail? Sorry, I thought I was coining a new phrase there. If it catches on then someone owes me money.

Anyway, if you ain't played Kick & Fennick I'll try and enthuse you with this synopsis. Here goes, you are a young boy in the future. You're hanging about some bad side of town without any friends cause you're a fucking nutcase or a sad little twat with no friends. Oh shit, turns out you're the latter cause you're all over the first mildly irritating robot you bump into trying to be its best friend and immediately agree to embark on a mission to, um, well, the robot cracked his blue cock. So, y'know, times being what they are, you're groomed by this robot (age unknown) to go help him get a shiny new cock which he'll presumably use to ruin you...*snip* ("that's enough synopsis" - Old Joke Ed).

Anyhoo ... next thing y'know, you've found a massive sniper rifle which, quite ingeniously, is used to shove you about the screen. Fire it at the floor and it "jumps" you about. You can aim the sniper rifle using the touchscreen and pull back the strength of the blast (ala Angry Birds) or you can use the right stick cause touchscreen gaming is the worse thing in the world. It's pretty nifty and you can "double jump" by firing in mid air altering your trajectory and so on. You can even point the rifle at things and shoot their smug faces off cause, well, that's what a sniper rifle is for; not world peace, that's for sure.

So far so good. The mechanics are pretty cool and you'll be shooting your way around the screen instantly and having copious amounts of fun.

10 minutes later you're still doing the same thing and you're bored.

You might however go looking for coins hidden around the small maps, but you won't cause you'll be bored.

You might try and look for the big special coin for NEW OUTFITS for your would-be victim, but you won't cause you'll be bored.

What else will you do? Um. I think that's it. Oh, you might get to the exit as quickly as you can and you will cause otherwise you'll be bored.

You might turn it off after you've done a map and find that the game hasn't saved your progress. "That'll teach you" the game will whisper in your ear "What are you SOME SORTA LOON? Get back here and finish me". But you won't cause, well, it's boring init. It's the same stuff again and again with little variation right up to level 2-10. Apparently there's only 5 levels but I don't know if I'll get that far, the way I'm feeling about it right now. Especially when it locked up and crashed when it was loading level 2-10. "I fucking hate you Ian" it said close to my ear as I did that faff of closing the application and restarting it again.

It really has no story to talk of so far neither so I can't really find any point to continuing. It's just a load of levels thrown together; finish one, do anutha; finish one, do anutha; finish one, do anutha. WHY AM I DOING THIS? I could feel its breath on my ear drum and a bit of spittle flick against my face.

And it all looks a little bit like a budget title. And it feels a bit loose and ropey. Thankfully the characters don't talk so there's that godsend cause I doubt they'd get anyone decent to voice the little shit and his robot mate. But there's no reason to keep in their company neither cause they're not interesting. He's a generic blonde haired white boy with a smile like a pane of smashed glass, but there's also no main baddie to enthuse you to move along and conquer neither. Maybe there'll be one later, I dunno. I'll keep going and see whether I change my mind about it. "You'll never beat me you little twerp" it said as its tongue extended and glanced off my ear drum.

So I turned it off.

I turned it back on and it hadn't saved my level so I had to do the previous level again. HNNNNNGH!

I don't half rattle on. Forkin' hell.

Yeah this is pretty great. I hope it makes it to other platforms too.

Do we have a PS Vita thread? I bought one the other day, although it won't arrive until next week or so.

Yes.