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Salesman of the year
https://www.beexcellenttoeachother.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=10326		 Page 1 of 1
Author:  Cras [ Thu Jan 22, 2015 15:59 ]
Post subject:  Salesman of the year
So, I get quite a lot of emails from tech companies ranging from tiny startups to the big boys, all trying to get me to choose their product as the one that the company uses for 'mobile tech stuff'. Most of them I completely ignore, because they're not offering anything that we're going to want to make use of.

One sales guy was pretty insistent. He sent me five emails, none of which I replied to.

He then, a couple of weeks ago, send me this amazing piece of passive-aggressive salesmanship

Quote:
Nick,
Sorry for any inconvenience. I guess you're not the right person I should be talking to. I will attempt to contact someone else at <your company>, I guarantee they will be interested in what we have to offer


I had a bit of a laugh at that - not sure where this guy learned his sales techniques, but I'm pretty sure that wasn't ever going to be a winner.
I thought that was the end of the tale, until 20 minutes ago when this absolute BELTER dropped into my mailbox. Bear in mind I've never replied and never spoken a word to the guy:

Quote:
Hi Nick, Where do we go from here?

Regretfully I have not heard back from you.
If you or your organization are not building any apps in 2015, I wish you’d let me known earlier as there probably isn’t a need for our platform.

Well, if you are interested in Enterprise Mobility and/or App Development let me know and we can talk more; otherwise I won’t send you any additional emails. Take care


:DD :DD :DD


Tell me about your fun with sales people?
Author:  GazChap [ Thu Jan 22, 2015 16:02 ]
Post subject:  Re: Salesman of the year
Just reply with:

Quote:
Send bacon. Then we'll talk.
Author:  Cras [ Thu Jan 22, 2015 16:04 ]
Post subject:  Re: Salesman of the year
I can't get over that the guy thinks that trying to emotionally blackmail a massive potential customer is a winning strategy. It's hilarious!
Author:  Trooper [ Thu Jan 22, 2015 16:05 ]
Post subject:  Re: Salesman of the year
To be fair though, it's tempting to reply and engage with him, so it that respect it's a winning strategy :D
Author:  Cras [ Thu Jan 22, 2015 16:07 ]
Post subject:  Re: Salesman of the year
I'm totally going to. I need to work out how to keep winding him up without ever having to end up getting on a phone call with him.
Author:  Cras [ Thu Jan 22, 2015 16:08 ]
Post subject:  Re: Salesman of the year
Or I might just forward the email to the company head of sales and marketing for comment (whose contact details are helpfully on their website), but that feels a bit mean.
Author:  Bobbyaro [ Thu Jan 22, 2015 16:15 ]
Post subject:  Re: Salesman of the year
just reply with, "K, thx. bye."
Author:  Cras [ Thu Jan 22, 2015 16:19 ]
Post subject:  Re: Salesman of the year
I went with "Let me have a word with the rest of the team and see what opportunities we might have for making use of the solution. I'll get back to you in a couple of days"

I will of course then never send him another email in hopes of getting an increasingly more frustrated string of follow-ups.
Author:  KovacsC [ Thu Jan 22, 2015 16:23 ]
Post subject:  Re: Salesman of the year
I had one what was selling encrypted hard drives, to be fair it was a good product. he used to call me once a week for a 'chat' I don't buy anything, I just suggested tech solutions.

Even when i moved accounts he still rang for 3 months after!!
Author:  Trousers [ Thu Jan 22, 2015 16:27 ]
Post subject:  Re: Salesman of the year
A sales person from a digital agency approached me via linkedin. She had a genuinely funny LinkedIn profile so I engaged with her and this month I lobbed £4.5k her way for 3 campaigns.

The people that moan like that twat get absolutely fuck all from me.

On one email to the digital agency person I listed out what we needed and signed off with "GRAVY" to which she just replied "BABY". Why would I NOT deal with them really?
Author:  Grim... [ Thu Jan 22, 2015 16:36 ]
Post subject:  Re: Salesman of the year
KovacsC wrote:
I had one what was selling encrypted hard drives,

What's an encrypted hard drive?

I mean, the data going onto it can be encrypted, but you can do that with any drive.
Author:  Curiosity [ Thu Jan 22, 2015 16:40 ]
Post subject:  Re: Salesman of the year
When they get back to you, respond with "TL; DR"
Author:  zaphod79 [ Thu Jan 22, 2015 16:47 ]
Post subject:  Re: Salesman of the year
Grim... wrote:
KovacsC wrote:
I had one what was selling encrypted hard drives,

What's an encrypted hard drive?


Probably an opal one

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opal_Storage_Specification

http://www.esecurityplanet.com/network- ... 939016.htm
Author:  KovacsC [ Thu Jan 22, 2015 16:47 ]
Post subject:  Re: Salesman of the year
Grim... wrote:
KovacsC wrote:
I had one what was selling encrypted hard drives,

What's an encrypted hard drive?

I mean, the data going onto it can be encrypted, but you can do that with any drive.


this is the product https://www.viasat.com/government-commu ... pt-freedom
Author:  Mimi [ Thu Jan 22, 2015 18:37 ]
Post subject:  Re: Salesman of the year
There's Just no getting through to you Nick, why do I bother? I'm not going to keep on trying to get you to understand, you clearly don't care. Why won't you just try to understand, Nick. Please! Please just talk to me. Please, just an email to let me know you're ok...

You sure this guy isn't an ex of yours?
Author:  Dr Zoidberg [ Thu Jan 22, 2015 19:07 ]
Post subject:  Re: Salesman of the year
I get lots of "your colleague asked me to send you this information" emails which you can always have a bit of fun with - just ask them which colleague it was and watch them squirm.

I get a few overly familiar ones who leave "alright buddy" voicemails that don't get any response, but no truly dire ones.

I did have someone that we thought we might buy something from but when they sent their terms and conditions through we found a clause that said something along the lines of "we can change these terms and conditions and just need to post an update on our website. You agree to be bound by the new T&Cs unless you object to them within 7 days, but we don't notify you directly" so I said point blank that we would not deal with anyone that would try that kind of shite on. He phoned me every day for a month trying to get hold of me after that without success.
Author:  Mimi [ Thu Jan 22, 2015 19:22 ]
Post subject:  Re: Salesman of the year
Hehe. I once was informed of some pretty fundamental changes to our business agreement with a supplier from one of the guys that I often speak with from that supplier. I asked how these changes had come about as they'd affect operations so fundamentally that there seemed to be a massive cock-up that we had somehow been kept out of the loop. The changes had been arranged and agreed with his manager, but not with me, and with checks by no-body from my team.

So, I wrote a lovely email apologising profusely for the poor communications within our business that we had not been able to get this piece of work to change our procedures at our end, but due to certain service level agreements and legalities, we'd really need to track down who this had been agreed with within our business as it would be at a huge detriment to us, and (etc).

I knew blinking well that he had not agreed or even communicated this to anyone within our business, but by laying it on thick with apologies as to how bad our communications must be if the person who had signed of the change had not communicated it to the team who needed to action it there was nowhere for this manager to go than to admit that no, it was actually him making loads of crap up, communicating those lies to his team and then letting these lies spread via third hand to the customer. I cpied in his boss, who I like to imagine had some words.
Author:  Satsuma [ Thu Jan 22, 2015 19:37 ]
Post subject:  Re: Salesman of the year
The worse scumbags I've dealt with are Thomson Local and basically any of the free listings for businesses. Those scumbags call you up constantly trying to sell you website building stuff for mad moolah and to promote your listing. I can't be arsed with that shit.

"So what we can do with you is, well, you give us £600 a month and help you get up the google rankings."

"Wow. So cheap. Let me give you all my money."
Author:  Dr Zoidberg [ Thu Jan 22, 2015 19:53 ]
Post subject:  Re: Salesman of the year
Oh, just remembered...
Last week we had someone trying to sell us advertising space on the daily mail website.
Author:  KovacsC [ Thu Jan 22, 2015 21:19 ]
Post subject:  Re: Salesman of the year
Dr Zoidberg wrote:
Oh, just remembered...
Last week we had someone trying to sell us advertising space on the daily mail website.


The bastards.
Author:  Dr Zoidberg [ Thu Jan 22, 2015 21:22 ]
Post subject:  Re: Salesman of the year
KovacsC wrote:
Dr Zoidberg wrote:
Oh, just remembered...
Last week we had someone trying to sell us advertising space on the daily mail website.


The bastards.


I forwarded it to our marketing manager for a laugh who said she'd rather gouge her own eyes out with a rusty spoon than give money to those bastards.
Author:  asfish [ Fri Jan 23, 2015 9:58 ]
Post subject:  Re: Salesman of the year
Its taken me about 5 years to drive most of the sales calls away, the guy that did the back office IT part of my job before me just loved having 3 companies to quote for 20K worth of servers and have the sales guys in for coffee and meetings.

I find that IT sales guys are quite aggressive they are only as good as their last month sales and bigger companies like mine can't be arsed with resellers now and we go to HP direct.

Then you get the nice girls who are polite and nice and its a bit harder to tell them to piss off. These days a lot of calls related to stuff that is managed at head office, so I just politely cut these guys off and tell them its a waste of their time

The most original sales pitch I had was some company sent me a remote control helicopter without the remote, to get I had to have a meeting of no doubt 5 hours were there would try and brainwash me into buying something, I threw it out
Author:  asfish [ Wed Feb 11, 2015 20:23 ]
Post subject:  Re: Salesman of the year
Had one today phone rings and its an Anonymous call

So I pick up and a voice asks for me by name so I confirm its me and ask who she is.

Its Zoe from yet another recruitment agency, I stop her and politely say thanks but I'm not interested and can she remove me from what ever list she has, then say thanks and goodbye, then hang up.

That's pretty good for me, I'm normally nowhere near as nice at that.

30 seconds later she rings back, and I ignore the call, then 5 mins later she emails me a request to connect on LinkedIn, which I refuse and flag as spam.

Its like part of her success rating is to call me then try and get a LinkedIn connection.
Author:  MaliA [ Wed Feb 11, 2015 21:31 ]
Post subject:  Re: Salesman of the year
asfish wrote:

Its like part of her success rating is to call me then try and get a LinkedIn connection.


um, it is. That is what they are assessed on.

Having recruiters as your main body of linkedin connections is a great idea. I'll tell you why:

When you want a new job, or are thinking about moving employment, you'll update your CO and your linkedin. LinkedIn then tells all the recruiters that you'very updated your profile And they correctly guess you might want a move. They hammer their database and call you with a job you might be interested in.

If I get a cold call, I ask them to call back in 6 months, as by that time I will have done x,y and z so they might want to consider me for the next rung up. They always call back after 5. It us worth their while, and yours.
Author:  asfish [ Wed Feb 11, 2015 22:53 ]
Post subject:  Re: Salesman of the year
MaliA wrote:
asfish wrote:

Its like part of her success rating is to call me then try and get a LinkedIn connection.


um, it is. That is what they are assessed on.

Having recruiters as your main body of linkedin connections is a great idea. I'll tell you why:

When you want a new job, or are thinking about moving employment, you'll update your CO and your linkedin. LinkedIn then tells all the recruiters that you'very updated your profile And they correctly guess you might want a move. They hammer their database and call you with a job you might be interested in.

If I get a cold call, I ask them to call back in 6 months, as by that time I will have done x,y and z so they might want to consider me for the next rung up. They always call back after 5. It us worth their while, and yours.


None of these calls are ever about me , they know I run IT and just want to place IT staff with me.
Author:  MaliA [ Wed Feb 11, 2015 23:25 ]
Post subject:  Re: Salesman of the year
Jolly good
Author:  MaliA [ Tue Mar 03, 2015 14:25 ]
Post subject:  Re: Salesman of the year
MaliA wrote:
asfish wrote:

Its like part of her success rating is to call me then try and get a LinkedIn connection.


um, it is. That is what they are assessed on.

Having recruiters as your main body of linkedin connections is a great idea. I'll tell you why:

When you want a new job, or are thinking about moving employment, you'll update your CO and your linkedin. LinkedIn then tells all the recruiters that you'very updated your profile And they correctly guess you might want a move. They hammer their database and call you with a job you might be interested in.

If I get a cold call, I ask them to call back in 6 months, as by that time I will have done x,y and z so they might want to consider me for the next rung up. They always call back after 5. It us worth their while, and yours.


Heh. Made a new connection (colleague being restructered) and next day lady on phone with a role paying 12% more for same sort of work with same commute. Am I interested? Probably.
Author:  Cras [ Tue Mar 03, 2015 16:29 ]
Post subject:  Re: Salesman of the year
But biscuits.
Author:  MaliA [ Tue Mar 03, 2015 17:46 ]
Post subject:  Re: Salesman of the year
Cras wrote:
But biscuits.


Yeah I know
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