Be Excellent To Each Other

I love this thread.

I had gravy on my chips the other week. I was mortified that it wasn't terrible and maybe The North has a point.

BAKED FUCKING BEANS! With fish and chips! Who did that? WHO DID THAT?!

Wait one.

It was the Doc.

ADMIN BOOSE!

Fucking hell.

I've found out that the place where I get my fish and chips only scored 1 out of 5 on the councils hygiene rating.

I think I need to find a new chip shop...

Don't jump to conclusions - apparently bad record-keeping in a very hygenic place could easily earn a "1".

http://www.bristolbites.co.uk/2014/01/0 ... lways-bad/

Also, however bad a 1 is, it wasn't bad enough to actually close the place down.

You can get a 0 too, and that won't close the place down either.

Salt with tons of vinegar. Mushy peas and a pile of ketchup. Then of course the obligatory pickled egg.

I've always had suspicions of this place anyway plus... There's a new girl working there with an attitude problem. Could that have contributed to the one score? Probably...

That is the worst "I'd give her one" joke I've ever heard.

I'd give her one, but she wouldn't rate my hygiene very well.

Better? Worse?

A fishing poll?

Get a portion of chips, add gravy AND baked beans!

Five months in the making that joke.

Sooner or later, someone was sure to bite.

The timing wasn't great, but good things are worth the wait.

It's a net result overall. You really reeled it in. Although you may be making a rod for your own back, can you tackle the challenge, by leading the line or would you rather float at the back?

Well you didn't have to mullet over for long, unlike me.

For Cod’s sake.

Yes?

One or two of the following (but not all three on the same plate): CURRY! / GRAVY! / TOMATO SAUCE!

TONS AND TONS OF FUCKING VINEGAR!

And a little bit of salt. Plain salt. Australians are mad keen on 'chicken salt' but they are wrongheads.

Curry sauce is a fucking must.

How do you control your condiments? Do you have a big pile of it to dip your stuff into, or so you jizz it all over the place like a pornstar freak?

I just do not know what to believe anymore.

You should see my Dutch relations turn their noses up at vinegar on chips, seconds before DROWNING THE FUCKERS IN MAYO. Different strokes

Mayo is acceptable. Vinegar might make it go off.

I always put sauce on the side, otherwise you can't change your mind as you eat about the correct amount of sauce for each mouthful.

I agree

Is it weird that I read this and heard Charles Boyle from the Nine-Nine saying it?

Do the beans go on the side, that's the important question. Because otherwise you're jizzing bean juice all over your fish and everything everywhere is ruined.

Ever since I grew manly facial hair (long before it became fashionable), I've avoided beans entirely. Just too risky.

Ketchup goes at the side of the chips. Gravy (thick is best) can be go over the chips, spread out over a couple of passes of the jug/pot

I'm going to take that as a complement.

Or possibly, condiment?

As you should.

//edit: Although Zeppo says he heard it in the voice of Moss from the IT Crowd.

The Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away.

I'm not entirely convinced I would.

Just because you tasted chips with gravy?

Who'd have thought it.

I've just realised that scallops are not on the list.

I like one from time to time.

Potato scallops, that is, in case anyone was wondering.

Peripherally, an old school friend of mine went to London to study ophthalmic optics in 1972 and was appalled to find that meat and potato pies were not available from chippies in the metrolopiss.

I wonder if this situation has been rectified. Can anyone advise?

They were in the 80s. I guess it depends on which chip shops you visit.

When I moved up north to Uni I started to see 'butter pies' on the menus. I think someone said it was potatoes and butter in a pie, but I may misremember that.

Never heard of potato scallops before. At what point does a Potato Scallop becomes a fishcake, and vice versa?

Also, I saw Bik backing fish and chip butties earlier in the thread. Not tried that myself, but I have long been fond of a Wigan Kebab, a pie butty.

Fishcake has fish in, potato scallop is just a flat chunk of spud battered and fried.

intriguing. Is it a northern thing? I'm from the north but can't recall it. Anyway, it's put me in mind to go to the supermarket and buy Alphabites this weekend. Which led me to discover something called Mashtags.

End of days

Apparently they're a central England thing, according to wikipedia.

They're most tasty.

They sell them in the Sainsburys at the end of my road in SW London, they just don't call them scallops. (I heard them called scallops growing up in Wales, though not often.)

I've heard of them as 'scalloped potatoes'