Really bad films that you still watch to the end

DBSnappa · **Posted:** Sat Aug 30, 2008 13:57

Lave wrote:

Shin wrote:

I LOVE THE LAND BEFORE TIME!! hehe

Yeah but this is a thread about shit films and The Land Before Time is an excellent film.

However:
The Land Before Time II: The Great Valley Adventure
The Land Before Time III: The Time of the Great Giving
The Land Before Time IV: Journey Through the Mists
The Land Before Time V: The Mysterious Island
The Land Before Time VI: The Secret of Saurus Rock
The Land Before Time VII: The Stone of Cold Fire
The Land Before Time VIII: The Big Freeze
The Land Before Time IX: Journey to Big Water
crimes they got all the way to IX?!?!?
I think I've got the first five on video :-/
The Land Before Time X: The Great Longneck Migration
The Land Before Time XI: Invasion of the Tinysauruses
The Land Before Time XII: The Great Day of the Flyers
The Land Before Time XIII: The Wisdom of Friends

Do qualify though. As they exist purely to rape the corpse of a wonderful film.

DBSnappa · **Posted:** Sat Aug 30, 2008 14:18

If you think Solaris is dull you should watch the original by Andrei Tarkovsky - it took me four sittings to get through that.

I almost walked out of Alien 3 because it was so dull.
I've failed on three attempts to watch Terminator 3.

metalangel · **Posted:** Sat Aug 30, 2008 15:57

Terminator 3 is a bloody disgrace... the entire UNIVERSE - including aliens who live in other galaxies or dimensions, lost amazon tribes as yet untouched by modern man, and people who don't even like films - wanted it to be set in the FUTURE WAR.

Instead, we got a fairly by numbers action film set once again in modern California (snore...) with the ridiculous T-X terminator, a really crappy ret-con to the story and an endless stream of hateful characters making stupid decisions.

MrChris · **Joined:** 1st Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 30498

The chap in Wimbledon is ace, though. His "Chaucer" in a Knight's Tale was awesome. Sommat Bettany.

DBSnappa · **Posted:** Sat Aug 30, 2008 22:34

Paul Bettany. He's outstanding in Gangster No. 1

Cras · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 49232

He's very good. He also played the voice of the house computer and suit AI in Iron Man.

AceAceBaby · **Posted:** Sun Aug 31, 2008 5:21

Robert Downeyt Jnr. Almost the best reason to watch Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, if not for Val Kilmer.

RuySan · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 3542

if the movie sucks, i have to start convincing my girlfriend to change it, since she one of those who likes to see every movie til the end. Last night we were watching Silent Light, an incredibly slow and boring mexican film. Even though it took me around 30 min to convince her to watch The Bank Job instead. Glad i did.

I watched Boa Vs Python to the end though, but because it was so amusing.

Anonymous X · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 2046

I watched Garfield 2 the other day. With a small child, admittedly. Bill Murray, why, apart from the money, did you agree to star in this crap?

Didn't like Control either, having seen the DVD at last a week ago. It's not really a bad film though, and the actor who played Ian Curtis performed well, it's just that the film doesn't work as a harrowing drama, or as a biopic the Joy Division story, except in the loosest sense. (Oddly, Samantha Morton, playing Ian Curtis' wife, is barely in the film, and it's meant to be an adaptation of Deborah Curtis' book. Couldn't see the similarity myself, to be honest.)

metalangel · **Posted:** Sun Aug 31, 2008 16:45

Anonymous X wrote:

I watched Garfield 2 the other day. With a small child, admittedly. Bill Murray, why, apart from the money, did you agree to star in this crap?

Perhaps he enjoys the animated/live action Garfield/Venkman Lorenzo Music/himself coincidences thing?

RuySan · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 3542

Anonymous X wrote:

Didn't like Control either, having seen the DVD at last a week ago. It's not a really bad film though, and the actor who played Ian Curtis performed well, it's just that the film doesn't work as a harrowing drama, or as a biopic the Joy Division story, except in the loosest sense. (Oddly, Samantha Morton, playing Ian Curtis' wife, is barely in the film, and it's meant to be an adaptation of Deborah Curtis' book. Couldn't see the similarity myself, to be honest.)

i thought control was awesome in every possible way. Maybe you're right when you say that it isn't either an harrowing drama or a biopic, but who cares? It's enjoyable, it looks great, and has joy division songs, what more could i ask?

Wullie · **Joined:** 27th Jun, 2008 **Posts:** 6183

I went to see 'Adrift' with a couple of mates, turned out to be a mistake. Pretty much everyone walked out when they realised how bad it was going to be so we had our own silent disco up the back with mp3 players.

_{Quick summary of the movie. It's about people who are the very definition of WAFI's. They get drunk then jump off their boat in the middle of nowhere without putting the ladders down or anchor out and then wonder why it all goes tits up. Idiots, they deserved a Darwin Award, not a film.}

Dr Lave · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 5979

Really Bad Films huh?

Now I've seen this montage of "excellent" scenes from The Happening I'm definitely watching it till the end.

Derek The Halls · **Joined:** 31st Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 3742

Good grief The Happening looks like it could be the worst movie of all time.

Mimi · **Joined:** 27th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 25655

Mother of God, what kind of terrorists are these?

That really does look like the worst film of all time, that last clip in the montage is a doozy.

GazChap · **Posted:** Sat Sep 13, 2008 17:28

Mimi wrote:

Mother of God, what kind of terrorists are these?

Who or what exactly was she referring to there? The lions? The man being eaten?

Mimi · **Joined:** 27th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 25655

My mind boggles as much as yours

Shin · **Posted:** Sat Sep 13, 2008 21:05

I'm going to have to watch it, it's one of those films I'll probably laugh about. Just watched that video twice and it cracked me up. I love the way the guy just 'collapsed' onto the grass

He's awfully polite though, asking the plant if it was okay to use the bathroom.

EDIT: That's from the dude that made that bloody terrible film 'The Village' wasn't it? I laughed my head off at that aswell. i

MrChris · **Joined:** 1st Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 30498

That looks TEH AWESOMES.

See, you could make awesome films such as Tremors look as bad with the right sort of editing. Cheesy BMovies goodness needs context to work.

throughsilver · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 6197

300. At the cinema. I was going to walk out but decided I'd stick it out just in case any defenders tried the 'but you haven't seen it all!' argument.

But then I sat through Scary Movie 4. I can take a lot.

Mimi · **Joined:** 27th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 25655

Snakes on a Plane is the worst film I have ever seen.

Derek The Halls · **Joined:** 31st Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 3742

You really haven't watched enough films if the worst you've seen is Snakes on a Plane. Though I actually quite liked it. Treat yourself to some Seagal movies immediately to experience truly terrible films. But I still have watched much much worse.

Sledge · **Posted:** Sun Sep 14, 2008 23:46

Equilibrium is on (again) tonight and I'm struggling to look away.

Dr Lave · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 5979

For some reason, I don't quite understand I'm LIVE BLOGGING my viewing of The Happening.

Massive spoilers throughout.

ZOMG Spoiler! Click here to view!

FOR YOU, THE PEOPLE, A LAVE COMMENTARY ON THE HAPPENING BY M NIGHT SHOULDKNOWBETTER (35% metacritic).

Featuring lots of emotional Caps use.

00:00 Slightly eerie start hampered by bad acting.

00:07 FUCK ME WAHLBERG CAN NOT ACT LIKE A SCIENCE TEACHER. He is acting like 'A Douche'. And I mean that as whilst preparing for the role he decided that his character would be the douche teacher you couldn't bare to listen too. His voice is like rape. The first bit of that youtube video, where you think in context that might make sense. Well it's THE VERY FIRST SCENE HE IS IN.

00:08 URGH HE IS A SCIENCE TEACHER THAT MAKES ME HATE SCIENCE.

00:08.30 And he is a hippy! Starts spouting off about how the bee's disappearing means we can never understand nature and so WE MUST LIVE IN FEAR.

00:09.50 The 'evil' guy from Spin City is the Headmaster - he declares that "it appears that an event is happening." He should be in better films, not this.

00:13 Shit! It's the really pretty girl from the underated Xmas film Elf. She is too good for this.

Just looked it up on imdb, it's only 91 mins long. YES!

00:17 His wife is SUPER EMOTIONAL. I suspect this MAY PLAY A ROLE AS THE FILM CONTINUES. I'm not sure but I think I've picked up SUBTLE HINTS.

00:18 CREEPY TREE SHOT. More creepy happening.

00:22 Marky Mark is such a Pussy Douche. I don't care how much of a "Scientist" you are, if a terrorist attack occcurs in your city you don't stick to the correct grammatical useage of whom.

00:23 SUCH AWFUL FORCED DIALOGUE in order to build characters.

00:24 I literally can't bare to listen to him. He is the most patronising man alive.

00:25 LION SCENE. "Oh mother of God what kind of terrorists are these?"

00:26 They are ABANDONED TO DIE: His wife's response "Can you believe how crappy people are?"

00:27 Offered Salvation: NO ONE SAYS THANK YOU.

00:36 Miltary man appears. HE CAN NOT ACT. Sample dialogue: "Cheese and Crackers!"

00:38, despite STARTING in cities and working out to the COUNRTYSIDE Marky Mark thinks that it is plants.

00:39 "Tell her not to go near the window with the tree!" TOO LATE!

00:40 After this additional evidence that it is plants, Marky Mark goes to SIT IN A FUCKING BUSH!

Mimi · **Joined:** 27th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 25655

Haha, I must watch that film

Runcle · **Posted:** Mon Sep 15, 2008 1:22

has anyone seen zombie strippers, It was proper shit and I missed the last half an hour through sheer lack of energy and awakeness, does it even slightly improve or get the right proportion of cheese to deem watchability. Have to say the club owner is excellent pity about everything else.

Runcle · **Posted:** Mon Sep 15, 2008 1:24

Oh also has anyone seen flight of the living dead, I was watching it on thursday night and kind of have gotten mroe durnk during watching and cant remmeber the end can someone spoiler it if they have, also whos the criminal in it, it was likejohn malkovichs b-movie twin.

again going on zombie films whats the day of he dead remake like?

Dr Lave · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 5979

2nd Half.

ZOMG Spoiler! Click here to view!

00:45 - SCARY WIND! Bullet shots. Marky Mark half heartedly manages an "oh no"

00:48 - They are trying to out run wind right now. God this is tedious.

00:52 - He's talking to the plant now, getting the 'good vibes' crap from no where.

00:56 - They've found a radio. In a field. Makes sense.

00:57 - The cough syrup bit was a joke, Begrudging surpose it makes sense.

00:59 - MENACING SWINGING ON TREE! THE TREE WON'T LIKE IT!

01:00 - For a teacher he can not control children. At all. Frankly I am glad.

01:05 - They found a crazy women who lives alone. The tedium is palatable.

01:10 - Mrs Jones has a scary doll in a bed. This adds to the film, and isn't a desperate attempt to include something scarier than plants.

01:11 - Oh no! the wind got Mrs Jones.

01:15 - Contrived reason why they can talk despite being far apart? YES PLEASE!

01:16 - The highlight of the film so far is that the pretty girl from Elf for a split second stood in profile so I could notice her boobs were every so slightly bigger than I expected. This isn't the chauvenism that Mimi's thread was on about, this is me DESPERATELY SEARCHING FOR GOOD THINGS TO SAY. And a desperate attempt for my brain to stay sane.

01:18 - Despite continually saying that at any point this could quickly pass (including vox pops from SCIENTISTS to back this up), they decide to meet in a field and die.

I support this decision.

01:20 - The 'Event' has ended. So they don't.

01:21 - It is the first day that school opened. Life is back to normal. Lots of people on the street. A full school bus. Only effect the north east of the USA. World changing event has changed nothing.

01:23 - Scientist tells us the moral of the story.
1) WE WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND NATURE
2) THIS WAS A WARNING SHOT.
3) WE WILL NEVER EVER UNDERSTAND NATURE!
01:25 - People in France.... THE WIND BLOWS OH OH!

IN SUMMARY: Tedious, and not even entertaining in a 'so bad it is good' way. Wait till it premiers on ITV2 at about 2am in two months time. And then go to bed instead.

Runcle · **Posted:** Mon Sep 15, 2008 1:33

I started to read the spoilers and saw this pretty much straight away.

00:07 FUCK ME WAHLBERG CAN NOT ACT

which brought up the question, you didnt know this already?

Dr Lave · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 5979

Yeah, but imagine if during an interview Pressie Bush start crapping his pants and then rubbing the effluent all over his face whilst bellowing about terrorists.

Technically you knew he was that bad to begin with, but you never thought you would get to see it.

Runcle · **Posted:** Mon Sep 15, 2008 1:47

Lave wrote:

Yeah, but imagine if during an interview Pressie Bush start crapping his pants and then rubbing the effluent all over his face whilst bellowing about terrorists.

Technically you knew he was that bad to begin with, but you never thought you would get to see it.

on a similar note is nicholas cage meant to be that shit in con-air or is that acting because the whole things a parody of action movies?

SisterCheeba · **Joined:** 1st Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 260

Quote:

again going on zombie films whats the day of he dead remake like?

Really, really quite unbelievably shite beyond all reckoning. And not even in a funny way, just tragically poor. This is coming from someone who loves both the original Dead series and the recent Dawn retread. Christ, I enjoyed Zombi 3, The Child and Burial Ground more than this. Even Zombie Creeping Flesh was probably better , if only for the slight comedy value. If I didn't know quite how low the barrel goes, I'd say it's a serious contender for worst in its genre. We'll just have to settle for worst in recent memory instead.

And speaking of zombie films, I just seen the live-action adaptation of Oneechanbara (aka cheapo PS2 game Zombie Hunters/Zombie Zone). Turned out much better than it had any right to be, actually. Terrible performances all round, but some rousing (and surprisingly well handled) action sequences save the day. That might well be the only time in history I've seen crap shoestring CG be so well handled, let alone actually adding anything to proceedings. One for the fellow exploitation hounds in the audience.

And then there's Diary of the Dead. There's some good moments in there, lost somewhere in the creaky plot, completely unbelievable 'filmed' footage and first-year drama student performances. Not a total loss, but I still felt embarrassed for poor George when I was watching it.

Shin · **Posted:** Mon Sep 15, 2008 10:47

Lave wrote:

2nd Half.

1:05 is actually me

I will watch this 100% now. Just by what you've written alone I feel it's going to be one I'll have to buy to watch and laugh at

Zio · **Joined:** 31st Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 6093

The Happening is the worst film I have ever paid money to see. To echo Lave, it's not even good in a "so bad it's good" sort of way.

Personally I really like M. Night Shymalan's movies (yes, even The Village and Lady In The Water), but this one is utter toss.

GazChap · **Posted:** Mon Sep 15, 2008 11:00

The Happening was a part of the in-flight entertainment on my way back from holiday.

It wasn't entertaining.

I fell asleep.

Rodafowa · **Posted:** Mon Sep 15, 2008 11:03

Nirejhenge wrote:

You really haven't watched enough films if the worst you've seen is Snakes on a Plane. Though I actually quite liked it. Treat yourself to some Seagal movies immediately to experience truly terrible films. But I still have watched much much worse.

I firmly recommend On Deadly Ground.

Steven Seagal! Michael Caine! Doctor Cox off Scrubs! An insanely contrived and self-important environmental message! Together at last!

Zardoz · **Posted:** Mon Sep 15, 2008 11:44

SisterCheeba wrote:

And then there's Diary of the Dead.

I LOVE zombie films. I could only handle watching 30mins of this tripe. Absolute dog gash.

HINT: Watch REC for a decent recent Zombie(ish) flick.

DBSnappa · **Posted:** Mon Sep 15, 2008 11:50

There are literally thousands of "shit" films that are watchable though, aren't there. Are there any truly awful unwatchable dreck like movies out there that weren't made for TV? I hear Uwe Boll is pretty good at making unwatchable movies but I couldn't say for sure as I've never seen any.

tossrStu · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 1326

Sledge wrote:

Equilibrium is on (again) tonight and I'm struggling to look away.

That film really is awesomely bad, isn't it? It's still 69105x better than The Matrix though.

Bobbyaro · **Joined:** 18th Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 11844

Anaconda (1997). If you haven't watched it, do so. It is absolutely awful. Just to give you hint of the acting level it stars J Lo and Ice Cube.

Joans · **Joined:** 31st Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 8648

For some reason this has reminded me that I'm contractually obliged to mention Cool as Ice in this thread.

MrChris · **Joined:** 1st Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 30498

Bobbyaro wrote:

Anaconda (1997). If you haven't watched it, do so. It is absolutely awful. Just to give you hint of the acting level it stars J Lo and Ice Cube.

Anaconda 2 is even betterworse.

Also - Ice Cube was in Three Kings, you mentalist.

Cras · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 49232

So far in this thread people have dissed Equilibrium and professed to liking M. Night. SchubertTheGoobert's films. I'm going to start bannings soon.

MrChris · **Joined:** 1st Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 30498

Craster wrote:

So far in this thread people have dissed Equilibrium and professed to liking M. Night. SchubertTheGoobert's films. I'm going to start bannings soon.

Equilibirum is empirically shit. The pointless and silly Gun Kata saw to that, mate.

GazChap · **Posted:** Mon Sep 15, 2008 13:52

There's little wrong with The Sixth Sense or Unbreakable either, IMO. Neither really stand up to repeated viewings, but you can say the same about The Usual Suspects and many more.

tossrStu · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 1326

Mr Chris wrote:

Craster wrote:

So far in this thread people have dissed Equilibrium and professed to liking M. Night. SchubertTheGoobert's films. I'm going to start bannings soon.

Equilibirum is empirically shit. The pointless and silly Gun Kata saw to that, mate.

It's entertaining shit (and part of my DVD library to boot), but shit nonetheless.

DBSnappa · **Posted:** Mon Sep 15, 2008 16:08

I would argue that we need to define what "shit" is. Or at least degrees of it. I have no problem with entertaining shit. But there's a whole level of shit that needs clarifying here. I think serious shit evokes confusion in the mind of the audience - what I'm talking about is a lack of clarity in the direction the film takes - also, there's a budgetary constraint. I'm less inclined to forgive a film for being shit if it cost more than, say $50m dollars to make. If it cost over $100m and it's shit then it's just shit with a capital S. My candidates for this are.

Xmen 3. Pirates Of The Caribbean 2&3, Spiderman 3, Mission Impossible 3, Phantom,Attack,Revenge of the Jedi Bears or whatever they're all called.
The Golden Compass or whatever it was called.

There're a lot of them, but they all have one thing in common as far as I'm concerned - they're portentous and they can't get away with it because they're too dumb.

There are many more, but I can't sit here all day trying ot remember them.

DBSnappa · **Posted:** Mon Sep 15, 2008 16:08

I would argue that we need to define what "shit" is. Or at least degrees of it. I have no problem with entertaining shit. But there's a whole level of shit that needs clarifying here. I think serious shit evokes confusion in the mind of the audience - what I'm talking about is a lack of clarity in the direction the film takes - also, there's a budgetary constraint. I'm less inclined to forgive a film for being shit if it cost more than, say $50m dollars to make. If it cost over $100m and it's shit then it's just shit with a capital S. My candidates for this are.

Xmen 3. Pirates Of The Caribbean 2&3, Spiderman 3, Mission Impossible 3, Phantom,Attack,Revenge of the Jedi Bears or whatever they're all called.
The Golden Compass or whatever it was called.

There're a lot of them, but they all have one thing in common as far as I'm concerned - they're portentous and they can't get away with it because they're too dumb.

There are many more, but I can't sit here all day trying ot remember them.

MrChris · **Joined:** 1st Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 30498

DBSnappa wrote:

Pirates Of The Caribbean 2

Banned forever from the Internet and talking to other people.

PotC2>PotC 1>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> almost everything else ever.

The Rev Owen · **Posted:** Mon Sep 15, 2008 16:11

Also, what the fuck's wrong with X-Men 3? It's not quite as good as the second, possibly, but it's decent enough. And it's not as if the other ones were stone cold classics or anything.

Be Excellent To Each Other

Really bad films that you still watch to the end
or: too lazy to change channel

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Be Excellent To Each Other

Really bad films that you still watch to the end or: too lazy to change channel

Who is online

Really bad films that you still watch to the end
or: too lazy to change channel